Reviews for A Doctor Known As Fate
bleed-fuschia chapter 1 . 12/14/2003
Good idea, but there is a lot to work on in the structure area.
-Be careful with commas; you tend to throw a few in whenever you see fit. Use the correct punctuation and only put them in when they should be there.
(NOT: Use the correct punctuation, and, only put them in, when they should be there.)
-Rhymes are forced in a lot of places. If you need to rhyme words with themselves more than once you have a problem with your rhyme scheme. (Doves-Doves, Day-Day)
-It seems that you are attempting to write the verses in limerick. In that case, try to use a limerick rhyme scheme. Example:
There once was a man from Peru
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke with a fright
In the middle of the night
To find that his dream had come true.
See that the middle two lines with different rhyme are shorter than the others.
-Try to liven up your vocabulary so that you don't need to use simple, overused words: hate, great, very, nice. I know all my english teachers have hated the word "nice". So, in the case that you are talking about a "nice" person in a story, we were required to say "benevolent" or something of the sort. I know that this doesn't work in this poem but you can use it in future writing.
Good luck and happy writing!
Werecat99 chapter 1 . 10/12/2000
Only wish it worked that way...