Um... lets see. I love your story; the plot is interesting and you have good ideas. But i kinda think that its all very impersonal; the story keeps switching without warning from one point of view to the other. Some spots could have elaborated more, for eg. when she first does magic, she gets it far too easily, and the part when she decided to stay with the elves in chapter 9 and then decided to go with Adan, her feelings could have been explained better. The way you've written has given an overall cold feeling; if you described her feelings more, it would draw the reader in. Also in some places, its not too...correct like in "Dioran climbed off his horse and led her into the stables and out of the rain, giving her his cloak." He'd give her the cloak first and then pulled her to the stables.

Not to sound like a smarmy criticizer, but I hate it when authors have really good ideas but cant put it forward well enough and it spoils the whole thing.

Maybe you could get a beta if you don't already have one?

Roanna

Well, I know it has been like 4 years since this story was updated, but I just can't help coming back and reading it all through again hoping that the ending will be up. Of course it isn't, but I still enjoy reading it all again. The whole concept of the Ancients and Devony's character keep me coming back year after year. Thanks for putting this story up, even though it isn't done yet! :)

I wanted to say I really like this story, its different which is a nice change from what you see a lot of on this site.

WOW this is really good. I love how you got right to the point and didn't just have endless chapters before anything interesting happenes.

You're also very good with this form of writing when it comes to language. A lot of people try to write in this "old" speaking form and it never really works.

You however really have pulled it off.

I would like to thank you for all that you have contributed to fictionpress and given me a chance to read. I truly think that you are a great writer and have a great mind. While I am disappointed in your decision to leave fictionpress, I understand that there comes a time when we must move on in our lives to new things. If you ever do continue to write I encourage you to finish this story as it is one of the best I have ever read. On the off chance that you would like to publish this wonderful story I would like to be first on the list to buy a copy. Best wishes and good luck.

this story is just GREAT! you should finish it! I really want to know what happens with her dancing lessons and the little wedding. you just left it at the most interesting part. not fair!

and you've really got talent! don't let it get wasted!

kitty

aw! u haven't updated in 2 years! plz dun abandon this story! it is too interesting and awesum to abandon! no but seriously i understand if u are quite busy and that but if u can can u update? it would be much much appreciated _

sad that i finished reading, but enjoyed it nonetheless. and of course hoping by some miracle of dioran and araviette that it may somehow be completed.

even though i should have known better than to read a story most likely not to be completed, i could not help myself and read anyway. i like it so far

totally thinking of reading this later

oh man.. ive been reading this story straight for hours and it's a pity to reach the ending point. It started out boring but i perservered and things became interesting quickly )

I understand that this story will probably remain uncompleted - i would just like to compliment you on the amazing writing! interesting characters, original plot - it's a gr8 story i really enjoyed reading it!

I still can't believe you're giving up great stories. My teacher once told me that nothing we write is a mistake and there is no such thing as crappy writing and you learn from your writing too. I want you to finish this story so bad. The characters and plot are so wonderful. Stop doubting yourself and don't give it up. Sometimes you do need to think for yourself but in alot of cases you need to think of what it would do to others first. Think what you would do. You would break a lot of fans and nobody would want to read your new stuff for fear of it being thrown out like this was and like the others were. Please don't throw them away. Finish, I'm begging you, and I know others are too.

i love this story. i really wish you would continue it or at least finish it. anyways your a good writer.

hello again! I know you haven't updated in over a year, but I really like this story, and would you please continue? Preaty please?