|Reviews for Mobius|
| Mangotart chapter 1 . 4/28/2004
't be so hard on yourself!it's a little ironic,but funny
| Kentura Dragmire chapter 1 . 1/10/2004
Eheh. Very clever! Don't get so down on yourself. Only losers give flat, negative reviews! It just means they're jealous!
| a yellow tree chapter 1 . 8/13/2003
Well, I honestly liked this. I think the way that the enjambment of the lines continues throughout the entire poem and connects all the stanzas is a wonderful way to tie everything together and make it flow nicely. Plus, it allows the reader to determine when to pause. Your language is very surreal. I like your rhyme scheme and the way that the last stanza breaks it and the way you stray from precise rythm. It flows better that way, I think. I especially liked the last stanza, which grounded the whole thing out of the surreal world you painted and added a twinge of humor to it.
Mobius strips are some of the best shapes. :) Anyway, um, yeah. This was a positive review, and not really an intentionally positive one either. just wanted you to know that.
ryn: I'm also an addict. Thank you very much for your input. I appreciate it greatly, as I am an addict as well. :)
| raiankun chapter 1 . 8/12/2003
hi im raiankun i wrote the end, u submited a review for it, thankyou so much for your view. My email is , and i am on AIM under bokuwaraian, please contact me, I would enjoy talking to a person of your intelligence.
P.S.- your poem is good, but you can do better i believe! keep trying
| Absolut Emai chapter 1 . 10/29/2002
Sure, why not?
Were you depressed when you wrote this? Or just a bit discouraged? Or in the mood to make people say "Oh, that poor poor person"? Well, I don't really give a crap, cuz it's a great poem. Heehee... it's kinda funny. dunno if you meant it to be.
Anyway, when you DO start FF Anthology, I highly recommend playing FF6. I didn't really like FF5, and FF6 just kicks... not as much as 10 or 7, but I like it a lot better than 5.
I'll shut up now.
| Mobius Shadow chapter 1 . 9/28/2002
Haha, GREAT! Of course I too am familiar with the mind bending loop that is the mobius. pretty cool, isn't it? If you find time, would you review some of my nonsensical stories and such. :)
| Skivverus chapter 1 . 9/18/2002
Pretty funny concept. Write more pieces, perhaps? This is good stuff.
Rhythm problems start from the end of the second stanza. I'm not sure how you could resolve that - maybe "The ending's foregone"?
Next, third line in the third stanza, add an (unstressed) syllable to the beginning.
Fourth stanza: First, lose the "and" or the "yet". Third, lose the "the". And fifth, lose the "positive". Then you're all set.
And as you said to me in your review, take these changes with a grain of salt. This isn't bad here. Keep writing; I'd like to see more of your stuff.
| Narn1 chapter 1 . 9/8/2002
Awwwww...poor thing. :) I think you write very well. Keep it up!
| I Mack chapter 1 . 9/8/2002
| Sparky the Seventh Chaos chapter 1 . 9/7/2002
Well, here's a positive review for ya, buddy! I liked that. Mobius strips are wierd.
| Child Art chapter 1 . 9/7/2002
Great poem. It was a clever piece of work in it's format and shape of words. With your paintbrush you painted a smile upon my face. I love your sense of uncanniness. Oh yeah remember If you've missed Mariah's Island Part 1 and Part 2 then try to catch part three.! Great poem. I am looking for your work Qwerty!
| Empty Inside chapter 1 . 9/7/2002
And the crowds applaud *clap *clap *clap
wow impressive like the last line