|Reviews for Erik's Daughter|
| Pokemonrul432 chapter 1 . 4/13/2010
well technically Christine had Erick's son. Read the second book. Phantom of Manhatten. Great and very sad book. Raoul gets shot in the groin when he was young and never could reproduce so he knew his son was actually Erick's. But read it. It is really good.
| Amethyst Asheryn chapter 1 . 1/1/2008
Heya. Well, first of all, there are some things I found that you might want to correct:
‘The doctor said it was...and with that Christine rushes home to tell Raoul.’ You switched tenses there. Since you’re writing in the passed tense here (the doctor *said* it *was* true), you want “rushed” not “rushes.”
‘"Christine?" "What is it?"’ You put extra quotes in that one. Try: ‘"Christine? What is it?”.’
‘They had so longed to have a baby. Especially Christine...which was very
fond of little ones.’ For one, the elipsis doesn’t really work there, but also the grammar’s not right. Try this: ‘They had so longed to have a baby, especially Christine; she was very
fond of little ones.’
‘Raoul's pleasing smile turned
back into a frown.’ Do you mean Raoul’s smile was pleasing as in it was pleasant, or do you mean it was pleased as in happy? If you meant it was a happy smile, try changing ‘pleasing’ to ‘pleased.’
‘It's just that...I'm surprised you would, want, to go back...’ You put a couple extra commas in there. Take out the commas after ‘would’ and want.’
‘Christine and Raoul had to get up early...for their carriage would be waiting for them.’ Again, the elipsis doesn’t work there, and the grammar isn’t right either. Try reworking that-here’s an example: ‘Christine and Raoul had to get up early, for their carriage was waiting for them.’
The other things: Break this up into paragraphs. I know,I know, others have said this already-but bear with, please.
And the other thing is that this isn’t where you should be posting this fic. Go to w dot fanfiction dot net (take out the spaces and replace dot with . ) and post it up there instead. This is a fanfic, and Fictionpress is for original fiction-your own worlds, characters, plots, stuff like that. Fanfic is for stuff like this fic.
Thanks for sticking with for this long! :)
| kinder1 chapter 1 . 6/2/2005
Hey. I reallylike where your going w ith this. Please update. I would love to read more.
| An Inside Joke chapter 1 . 8/18/2003
It would be easier to read if there were paragraphs. Also, it's kind of short. If you add some detail it would make it longer.
| DragonLady of Avalon chapter 1 . 7/7/2003
| NeoBahamut1 chapter 1 . 10/14/2000
That's not a very happy marraige is it? The writing is good, however , you should really put a paragraph when someone new is speaking, it's kinda hard to tell who was at times, continue writing, it is coming along beautifully.
| T'Res chapter 1 . 7/17/2000
Hmm. Looks promising and I love the idea, but it's WAY too fast paced. Give more details, some background, and change paragraphs when different people speak. Write more!
| Yumi chapter 1 . 5/13/2000
I really love the Phanyom of the Opera, and this story was really good!
| Uh chapter 1 . 4/11/2000