Ugh! I need more! This is so good!

Hey, this sounds hauntingly like Buffy... Hm... Anyhoos... I only skimmed it, but... you realise you don't need to have every sentence as a separate paragraph, rite? Cos that can get very annoying, not to mention breaking the flow, unprofessional, etc. etc. Also... does anyone talk in ur story? Cos so far, there are no quotations... I mean, they're not essential, but for a story this length, constant silence can get very mundane. Speech is the way characters communicate to themselves and to the readers, so... yeah... speech. Desperately needed. :D

Very promising story. D

Hope I've been of use,

~Ally B.

Ouch! To be continued? When? With what title? How long will it be? Will it be the same characters? What about...

Lol, just joking.

Good job on this. It is rare to find such a story that has been written maturely. I admire you greatly. I cannot wait for the sequal. I love all of your stories, you are a very talented writer. I like the story "This very Monemt" and its sequal very much, and I am sure that I will love your other stories also! Good Job!

intresting

This story has been underreviewed! I loved it so much and I even cried. Yes, I cried. Is there a sequel to this? Maybe there should be one...ahh...I only hope...thanks for writing so well. It's really hard to find good writers on this page...but that's not true in your case. All I have to say is go through it one more time and tweak some grammatical and/or spelling errors and it'll be great.

~~Neotabrina

Cat no! You can't do this to me! Oh, the pain, the pain! You have to put more chapters in... finish the story... and end my torment! *a single lone tear traces a silver trail down my cheek and chin, landing into the palm of an unknown shadow* Please?

See ya at school! ~~Esther~~

YAY! You finally finished, and I finally got around to reading it! I love this and I hope you continue it soon.

r u gonna write more soon? a good ending would be if Alexandria went ack and killed Eric. Yeah.

hey...once again a really good chapter. liked it soooo much. i love the way you're kind of introducing alexandria back into the vampire-hunter world...even though she's not one yet. my only c.c. is that you didn't have anything indicating that you were switching scenes...and i got very confused by it...i was like...why is alexandria sleeping at lyon's school? lol...nEway..that's all that i've got 4 ya...good chappie...i'll be reading the next soon.

hey...GREAT CHAPTER! it's my favorite so far! i loved it. I loved the way that you told how angry Lyon was, but hinted that she wasn't really angry at anyone. She was just a sixteen year old girl who missed her sister underneath her hard, built up protective wall. Or that's what I got out of it. And you switched from pain to weariness and then to confusion to anger to sadness, and then to sudden fear. What could this possibly be? hm? i think i have the feeling that Lyon is about to meet Eric! nEway...the only c.c. i have is at the VERY beginning of the chapter. Just that when you were describing her hurts and such u kinda said the noun too much and didn't use enough pronouns. Like you would say: 'Her lip was torn through because a vampire had hurt her lip so her lip was being fixed.' i'm obviously exaggerating but that kinda bothered me a little bit. but besides that...it was great! loved it!

allison (bluedaizy4)

oooo...inticing chappie :) i guess that fits here...inticing. i'm not really sure...it was enthralling for sure...but i guess i would call it inticing...hm...i must ponder on that. lol. that was really stupid. nEway...on w/ the c.c. now...here's a part that confused my small brain...lol:she was forced to fight with two daggers, but since she had spent so much time on the staff, she had lost her fine skill with the Lyon to only work with the multiple blades for six months. she made perfection with the wooden staff. Now, it was her favorite weapon.

ok...i kinda shortened that...but it basically says what i'm confused about. it said that she had spent so much time working on the staff that she wasn't very good at the daggers at that point, so she had to practice them. and then it said that she gained perfection w/ the staff and NOW it was her favorite weapon.

sorry...my brain kinda hurts from that. lol. but if it wasn't already her favorite weapon (NOW, it was her favorite weapon) why had she been practicing on it so much and messed up w/ the daggers? and where did the gaining perfection w/ the wooden staff thing come from if she was practicing the daggers. i think i'm just missing something that would explain it all to me but at the moment i'm rather confused about this small few paragraphs.

other than that it was a VERY great chappy. i enjoyed it bunches. i would read another right now but i have places 2 be and ur chappies are considerably long. lol. good job and i'm looking forward to the next!

allison (bluedaizy4)

Hey! I finally read all of it! it was sooo good! I can't wait till you write more. But when I was reading, I don't know if it was me or there was something wrong with or you did something wrong, but there were some chapters that were repeated and 1 chapter was out of place. I forgot which ones they were but just check it out. it was between 9-14 I think...

No paragraph chunks!

Great story, again!

Just a thought, why did some of the chapters repeat themselves?

omg..tear...tear again...i am actually crying. i'm getting all choked up and i NEVER get choked up. this sentence has taken about a full 30 seconds 2 write cuz i keep making typos cuz i can't see cuz i'm crying. that was SO sweet and so sad. this is so weird what ur story does. cuz i have a very weird thing about me...i'm very passionate about everything. and i let everyone who'll listen (well not EVERYONE...that would just be weird but all my friends) know about them. but i hardly ever cry or laugh really hard for some reason. i guess i'm not affected that physically or something. weird...but whenever i'm reading ur story i'll cry or i'll laugh and whatnot...wierd. if my friends saw me crying right now they would be laughing THEMSELVES to tears. nEway...good chappie.

and there was quite a bit of *cough-cough* passion in this chapter. lol. the only c.c. i have in this chapter is...

ah...sorry...had 2 take a second cuz i was crying again...it must be that time of the month not 2 gross out nE male readers

nEway...the only c.c. i have in this chapter is that it seems to me that the only reason that a love-scene breaks off before the...um...climax in a movie/book isn't that it's too dirty (well...they might HAVE to because it's too 'dirty' but that's not the point) they should break off there because if it's something that special then i think that it can't be described in words if you know what i mean. I mean, if it's something THAT incredible then i think that an author would have to be, like, queen of all authors to capture that feeling. I think that even in a book it's something that only the characters should 'experience'. i don't know if i'm babbling or what...but it always just seemed less important to me if it was all explained.

ok...dunno if my little review here is getting ronchy or w/e...lol...but i'm going 2 stop talking about that now (also because my boyfriend's walking over and it would be really weird if i was typing stuff like that and he read over my shoulder) but good chappie..luved it...what else is new?

allison (bluedaizy4)

hm...i'm very confused as to who this is...and as to who he is searching for...but that's what u want me 2 be, isn't it? clueless? lol...ok...i get that this is supposed to be a 'mystery' or what have you..but i don't like being confused :( it hurts my brain.