Aww. :) I like this "cute, ditzy, nothing little story"!

I love how both guys were in each of their 'dreams'. That was cute.

Good Job! :D

-V.

is this another seperate story? cause i like it a lot. its really interesting... though sorta hard to follow, but good all the same.

keep up the good work.

I liked this, but it ended kind of funny. I had a hard time keeping up!

No complaints until the middle of the chapter... The door wouldn't knock. Someone would knock at the door, though. :P

Again, we can't tell if Rydam really wanted to vomit, but it may have looked like he wanted to. Try to keep in mind we aren't the captain, but Katja.

I was confused by Rydam's response to Ian at the very end of the chapter... I'm not sure how you could reword it to make it less confusing, though. Hm.

~icthus.

Again, since "I" is not Becca, I wouldn't know that she was searching for her shoes until after I'd opened the door. And I don't think Becca would have yelled, if she had just woken up. And I don't think she would've so quickly calmed down. At least, I wouldn't of. Also... what if Katja had been woken up by a sailor who knew she wasn't supposed to be out of her room?

Not much else to comment on... I don't think Ian would have necessarily recognized the meaning of 'nuh uh', though, due to the differences in time and culture.

Still good!

~icthus.

Hmm. I don't like the sudden lapse of "my" point of view to talking about Becca's. I think it would be a better idea to state something like...

"I laid my head back on the mattress and stared at the bare ceiling, waiting boredly for Becca to return. When she did, she told me about how her night had gone..." And then launching into Becca's thing. That, perhaps, would be more effetive for the picture you're trying to paint.

Hmm... I think you revealed way too quickly, and in the wrong way, that Ian and Rydam are brothers. We wouldn't know that until we were told so by either Ian or Rydam. Something like that would have been fine, if this were not a first person account.

When Becca says the following, "But I should remember the fact we time traveled 200 years into the past", I think it'd be better to add an "around", or "about", or some such, before the 200 years, because the girls haven't been told the year that it is in the time they've traveled to.

I liked the second to the last paragraph, though the last paragraph was more like a sentence. I really liked it, though the last sentence of the paragraph was a smidgen melodramatic.

Good stuff.

~icthus.

I think it would be cool to know if the girls heard an accent in the guy's voice. Also, it would be nice to get a brief description of his appearance when the girls first saw him, so it'd be easier to envision.

Also, I think they realized what had happened as far as the time travel far too quickly. I think they'd still be trying to deny the fact that it had really happened... At least, I would be.

Hehe... I liked the wanting to go home and have Mom fix everything. That entertained me.

"I didn't want to be in this forsaken place with these horrible people and terrifying situations. I want to be at home, with my obnoxious little brother and a comfortable lifestyle. I want to be in my bed with all my pillows and blankets, safe and sound..." You slipped from past to present tense, which was rather disruptive of the picture being painted. Keep an eye out for that. I know it's hard to not slip up in that every now and then.

Hm. Another thing would be to describe the way they are saying things. There's a million ways to say sentences, and it would clarify things quite a bit if we could be aware of their tone of voice.

It all looks good... Definitely entertaining. :)

~icthus.

The first part of your story jumped from "when we woke up one morning" to "last night we spent the night". It doesn't flow very well, and was a little disruptive to getting started.

I really like the confused feel you gave this chapter. It makes it feel less like a same old, same old narrative, and more like I'm actually Katja. (That's an awesome name, by the way... Where'd you find it?)

~icthus.

Nice story. Can you finish it please?

WHY DID YOU STOP!
YOU NEED TO CONTINUE!
I LOVE YOUR STORY!
I also like the way you made the names of the chapters in to a sentence!

i really like this story and cannot wait for the next chapter...unless this is it?

this is kinda corny but cool

WOW! The guys . . . have Scottish . . . ACCENTS! Yay. Scottish accents are sexy. _. I am SO happy I found this story; corny is a GOOD thing.

~Tessandra

fun, fun, and more fun. now, you got me hooked on this story and i wanna know what's gonna happen. please write more soon? i have entertained throughout the whole chapter and hopefully you have more of the story that you aren't holding captive lol...see ya around next time.

FS

Hey this sounds really fun so far! I won't be able to review every chapter because I don't have a lot of time, but I'll try and review at the end again.

FS