Reviews for Captured |
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![]() ![]() It's really strange, but the one thing that really bothered me here is that the dagger he used to cut her was dirty from being embedded in dirt. That would infect her wounds and possibly kill her (in my defence my aunt recently got blood poisoning from an innocuous cut from a penknife and almost died). |
![]() ![]() ![]() This is such an awesome story it's not even funny. But I do think the ending was a bit rushed... Great, though! |
![]() ![]() ![]() OKay love, this was really good, but do you know it's not proper writing to smoosh the dialgue together like that? One it's incredabily frustrating to try and figure out who's saying what, but it's hard on the eyes. So in the future please refraim from writing this way. As far as the story goes, it was really good, but a bit rushed. I think you could have put a bit more detail into it. But ack, the story was really good. Keep practicing. |
![]() ![]() ![]() very good |
![]() ![]() ![]() she finally gave in! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Great chapter |
![]() ![]() ![]() Very few stories are good with these types of stories. Good work |
![]() ![]() ![]() Wow this is good |
![]() ![]() ![]() hooked |
![]() ![]() You're story sux. The dialogue is lame. No offense, mate, but it's a typical teenage love fantasy, not readable. I had to stop after the third chapter, it was so rediculous. |
![]() ![]() ![]() now i like the end to this story so i can't wait to read the sequel |
![]() ![]() ![]() i like this story but why does it always have to be a guy that is the vampire girls don't always have to be the humans. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Well, this story is intereresting and has potential... but there are alot of mistakes. There's no description of setting, which is a very important aspect to the story. You moved way to fast and to me the plot is a little unrealistic, so it seems that it is rushed. You kept switching from past and present tense and there was some verb-subject agreement issues. The words you used were repetitive and boring, use different adective and othe parts of speech to make the story more interesting... If you rewrite this and heed this review, you can make it much much much better. |
![]() ![]() ![]() that was cool! u kno what u should do?...MAKE A...SEQUEL!: PLEASE! lol that would be cool |
![]() ![]() ![]() O... groovy ending! Regina O.B. |