Reviews for The Six
All Holy Smartness at chapter 5 . 7/8/2003

Interesting. You write much better than some, however I would lay off on the thesaurus. That is to say, you use some slightly obscure words that seem out of place. And, forgive me, but the individual color reference is quite banal, and is becoming rather repetitive. Oh, and you switch tenses a few times, such as when describing the town.

So please, don't take offense. This is just my AP English training showing itself.

You show promise! Keep writing.

~Voice #1 of the All Holy Smartness
Rance Drai chapter 5 . 2/20/2003
This is really good. The plot is built nicely without being too rushed. The fact that you stopped updating before a great deal of the plot is exposed is kinda typical (I do the same thing at times. If you decide to read one of my stories try Conspiracy: Raven of Heaven (Don't stop after the first chapter it takes a bit to get going.)


Rance (tired.) Drai
morrigaine chapter 5 . 12/17/2002
I think that I'm really confused about what is going on, although that can probably be atributed to me trying to read it to fast.

I really liked the part about Tyran. I thought it was horrible that at 10 she was soo..well, evil, but after giving it some thought I remembered that children can be quite cruel, and without any adults around they can go crazy so to speak, kind of like the Lord of the Flies.

Well that's about all I have to say, and I'm sorry that it's not really all that much. I am interested to see where it is going, but it seems to have lost a little of the adventerous momentum that it previously had.
Gwenuever chapter 5 . 10/24/2002
Good chapter, and i like the way you left the reader guessing about their 'memories'. But i think you might have forgotten a bit in this chapter? You never mentioned how the group met Katsei. And also, i'm sure you've been reminded about this already but maybe physical descriptions would help distinguish the characters better. Several hours for a story to be told seems a little...extravagant though. Otherwise it's really good! Keep it up! )
Abinikai chapter 5 . 10/24/2002
Okay, I got bored and I was looking around for stories, and I found this. Good Job, so far at least. You've got me guessing, and I'm pretty good with stories and plot lines. Well, I don't really have complaints. I do notice that you haven't put in any descriptions...but that's okay. It leaves more to the imagination. Just, if you think you're going to get this published, get descriptions in there ASAP. Oh, and I see the point in getting stories up here to get feedback. I do the same thing. Good job...I'm not usually this formal about reviewing, I'm just not in the best mood, so I get formal about writing. Bye, update soon (please). And what's with the names...? I like strange names too, (usually), but I think there's something behind them or something.
Scrawled chapter 3 . 10/16/2002
Am am ammmmm... Ummmmm... Katsei? Is that meeeeee? Is it is it is it? Huh huh huuuhhhh? Weeeeell? Isss it? C'mon! TEll me! Lol... I dunno who Scytha and Kimna are, though. Rashelle is obvious, ummm... Sasha is Heather, I guess. But who are Scytha and Kimna? Huh huh? Is Kimna... Amy? Or Denise...? Anyway... You'd better update soon, or I'll come over there and poke you. That's right. All the way over the ocean... *Sniff* Missin' ya! Ttyl!
Heather the Great One chapter 3 . 10/8/2002
Whhheeee! A very short chapter, very likable, but still very short... I was looking through the reviews (snuff, somebody didn't like Sasha that much...) and I saw someone asking for physical descriptions. I think it would be nice if you added some in because that way I would be able to stop getting Kimna and Scytha and Ketsei mixed up, and it would help noninnies to define which caracter is which. During this chap you also repeated words a bit like using hair and then hair and then hair in the same scentence. (which I have a bad habit of doing, so it isn't quite fair for me to point it out) Or giggles and then giggles. Ho hum... I forget, who is Midgecat again?
iridium chapter 3 . 10/4/2002
hmmm... very mysterious. i like it. it's kind of cryptically written, it took me a while to understand things. so eventually will you reveal the 6 and midgecat's plan, where they are going for adventure? keep writing.

~rai d
Gwenuever chapter 3 . 10/3/2002
Hey Fantasy Star,

Great story...i like the color theme, and its funny how i always saw you spending a lot of time on this story and now it's actually out for all the public to read. Pretty anticipating the rest of your story )


P.S. Oh, if you can, theres a mistake u need to edit in chapter 2. U repeated a part of a sentence: "the strange voice had been speaking to her" Just thought u might want to know.
Raonaid Luckwell chapter 3 . 10/2/2002
Poor Midgecat, by the way interesting names you got there.. I like that.. All seem unusual {that I love the most} except Sasha..but it fits. Sorry I'm not much wordy on my reviews
Raonaid Luckwell chapter 2 . 10/2/2002
The chapters seem somewhat short? But don't worry I've written my own fair share of short chapters too. It just seems that once I got into it, it was at the end.

Very interesting about the ceremony.. Perhaps you could describe more about the ceremony. You've got of the colors.. but what about each follower's face.. Does their fine features relax in a serene peace or is it an emotionless mask. Such details would give your characters more life

Pst.. kinda separate your author notes from the chapter.. did get kinda confusing there
Raonaid Luckwell chapter 1 . 10/2/2002
Taking time off my various projects and my current book I'm reading from a really great author {And its true for I emailed and got a response back.. Very nice guy}

I agree this is a nice start.. Some hints? Perhaps you could refrain from using Aharya so much.. You've used too much in the second and third paragraph. Don't be afraid to use 'she' or 'her' in describing her.. Like Her cloak was a soft yellow that matched the sun's brillance. Or something like that.

Few sentence structure errors {Don't worry, I do the same..I'm just guessing they are wrong becaue they sounded kinda funny to me. My biggest flaws in writing is my grammar, spelling, and my insatiable need to over describe things.]

I'm in a writing club that is helping me hone my writing, so if I could help you out in your writing.. beta reader.. or what not.. Don't be afraid to ask
heather chapter 2 . 10/1/2002
Hey I remember this! I was wondering if you continued it. Good stuff eh. My favourite character is Sasha... wonderwhy... lol! Email me!

Sorry I took so long, I haven't been on the net.
Scrawled chapter 2 . 10/1/2002
He he he he... I didn't mention last time who I was, did I? It's Jenn... Yeah, um, good quick updatyness! Yay! That voice thingy is creepy...
Scrawled chapter 1 . 9/30/2002
Hey hey! Bum, you should accept anonymous reviews. It'll make more people review. For instance, if I didn't know you, I'd have just left without reviewing. It takes to much effort to sign in... anyway, I like it, but you've gotta write, like, 3 chapters then post! Then I have something to keep me busy for a while! Anyway, cya!
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