AN: Well… um… yeah. This is morbid. However, it is entirely mine. Steal it, and I'll sic my lawyer on you! (Not that I have on… but I will get one if I need one!!)
TRIGGER WARNING TO ALL SI'S!! I don't know how bad this is, so… be safe. Please.
Sorry for my lack of posts lately. Four words: Writer's Block Is Bad! lol. Seriously. This is my first finished story in awhile. A long while.
Yeah, I know, it's short. Oh well, at least I wrote something!
Thanks to Tig & Trav, for this one. Tig, for being… Tig. (You should know what I mean, Tig!) And Trav… for everything. I love you!! (Even if you thinks its funny that I had writer's block and you were writing pages a day! :) Love ya!!)
-Serena (or Lav… whatever)
She watches as the other students walk past her, but no one talks to her. Finally, the bell rings, and she has to get to work, but that doesn't help. She is working alone, as always, and when she finishes her work, she draws a picture of a razor on her paper… envisioning pressing it against her skin, ending everything… If only I would've had someone to talk to…if only someone would've cared.
After class, it's the same routine; she walks through the halls alone.
No one cared about me, did they? I was always so lonely, always alone… I wish I would've had a friend. Even just one. If only I would've…
So wrapped up in her thoughts, she doesn't even see the smiles sent her way by her old friends, or hear the 'hello's' as she passes.
"What's wrong with her?" they ask each other. "Why isn't she happy anymore?" They don't bother to ask her, though. When she doesn't respond, they just let her go on by.
If only someone would've asked me if I was okay; asked me what was wrong. Maybe I would've been happy them, maybe things would be different. If only they would've asked…
No, if only I could've seen that that cared. Then, things might've been different. If only I wasn't so wrapped up in my own thoughts; in my own depression…
When she gets home from school that day, she pauses while passing her mother in the kitchen. "Hi, Mom… how was your day?" she asks softly.
"How the hell do you think my day was? Go to your damned room, and shut the fuck up!" her mother answers, her voice hoarse with bitterness and pain.
If only Sis hadn't died… things would've been different, then. Daddy would've have left, and Mom wouldn't have been so depressed, so hateful… If only Mom had noticed that something was wrong with the only child she had left.
She sighs, and walks down the hall to her room. She closes the door softly behind her, and opens the door that she keeps her razors in.
Oh God… if only I had never cut in the first place, it wouldn't have come to that. If only I had never cut in the first place…
"I wish this wasn't my only choice…" she softly whispered. "I wish this wasn't the only way to escape from this hell, this so-called life…"
She gasps a little when the razor first breaks her skin. The pain fades quickly, although there is so much blood.
I didn't have much time after those first cuts, did I? I passed out soon enough… I cut deeper than I thought, I guess. Odd, isn't it? Whenever I got hurt when I was little and thought I was dying, Sis would always comfort me. 'You're gonna die an old, old lady,' she would say. She never said anything about herself… she knew she didn't have much time, though. Cancer does that to you… and she had the worst form of leukemia. I bet she never even thought about what it would do to our family. If only she hadn't gotten cancer, if only so many things hadn't gone wrong… and now, here I am. Hell. Or the worst form of it that anyone could ever imagine… having to go through all of my memories, all of the bad ones. When Sis died, when Dad left, when Mom realized that I wasn't like Sis, when she started hating me for it all… when I first cut, and every day in the months that I did it. If only…