THE RAT
Blood, suffering, large frightened eyes
Tell me you're getting better
Its not true, but you know I want to hear it.
Anything to make me leave it alone
Its not a topic to be meddled with
The book is closed.
Goddamned rat warps you
Afraid to look at your etchings anymore
Afraid of the red
Afraid of the silent screams.
Not real, not real, none of its real
Empty words meant to comfort me.
Don't need him, you say
The rat is not in control. You are your own man
Yet you still lean. Still rely.
Still readily accept the candy he offers.
And people love you for it.
People who embrace the rat.
I feel alone when their voices overshadow mine
They're not important, you say.
Yet my opinion means less and less as time goes.
You won't admit it, but I see it happening.
They steal your face, they wear it
You love them for it as they love you.
Words of praise weave an empty blanket
In which you cocoon. You and the rat.
No room for me in that cocoon.
The rat made people love you. Not I.
He's a good friend, that rat...always there.
Always willing to give you what you need.
We made our home, you promised the rat would not follow
Yet he is here. I see him everywhere.
On your desk, in our bed, in your eyes.
Damn you, why?
Don't look, you say. Don't look if you don't like it
I don't need to look to know he's there.
I feel him watching when I sleep at night.
I feel his oily caress when you touch me.
No amount of screaming and tantrums and torn up drawings
Makes him disappear.
He's always here...and you've stopped fighting him.
I can never take back what was never mine.
He's been your partner for years. I, only, for a short time.
If it came to choosing, I wonder who you'd take.
The rat is selfish. He won't share you.
I am selfish too, but grow tired of fighting.
My words mean nothing, they only make him laugh
And he whispers in your smile that he will always be there.
Hurts...hide behind closed doors so you can't see me
Can't see me hurt.
When you ask what's wrong I say nothing.
You know its the rat, you won't deny it, but won't fix it.
Deal with it, its who I am, your eyes say.
Cannot.
I'm not enough. I was never enough for you.
My body doesn't fulfill yours, my devotion doesn't heal your wounds
We make love, and you hold my wrists in a steely grip.
You're imagining I'm one of them. One of the rat's women.
That I didn't give myself to you but you had to take me.
Hurts so much.
How long? How long until there's only the rat?
Until he owns you completely and has you solely for his own?
Until I lie broken and bleeding on the ground in defeat?
Not long. Not long at all. Its already begun.
People call you by the rat's name.
They come to you for the rat's offerings. He owns you.
Not mine. Never mine. Was fooling myself.
Open veins and vomiting arteries taint my dreams
Don't scare me as they used to. Comfort. Odd comfort.
The rat tells me its the only way. Fucking rat.
Wants you for himself. Wants to corrupt you fully.
I can't fight him. I'm no match.
So welcome home, my love.
Don't pretend to leave the rat at the door tonight
I know you let him in after I've turned my back.
There's not enough room in our bed for three, I'll take the couch.
No, don't mind me. Its my fault.
Seems I've run from one nightmare and into another.
Blood, suffering, large frightened eyes
Tell me you're getting better
Its not true, but you know I want to hear it.
Anything to make me leave it alone
Its not a topic to be meddled with
The book is closed.
Goddamned rat warps you
Afraid to look at your etchings anymore
Afraid of the red
Afraid of the silent screams.
Not real, not real, none of its real
Empty words meant to comfort me.
Don't need him, you say
The rat is not in control. You are your own man
Yet you still lean. Still rely.
Still readily accept the candy he offers.
And people love you for it.
People who embrace the rat.
I feel alone when their voices overshadow mine
They're not important, you say.
Yet my opinion means less and less as time goes.
You won't admit it, but I see it happening.
They steal your face, they wear it
You love them for it as they love you.
Words of praise weave an empty blanket
In which you cocoon. You and the rat.
No room for me in that cocoon.
The rat made people love you. Not I.
He's a good friend, that rat...always there.
Always willing to give you what you need.
We made our home, you promised the rat would not follow
Yet he is here. I see him everywhere.
On your desk, in our bed, in your eyes.
Damn you, why?
Don't look, you say. Don't look if you don't like it
I don't need to look to know he's there.
I feel him watching when I sleep at night.
I feel his oily caress when you touch me.
No amount of screaming and tantrums and torn up drawings
Makes him disappear.
He's always here...and you've stopped fighting him.
I can never take back what was never mine.
He's been your partner for years. I, only, for a short time.
If it came to choosing, I wonder who you'd take.
The rat is selfish. He won't share you.
I am selfish too, but grow tired of fighting.
My words mean nothing, they only make him laugh
And he whispers in your smile that he will always be there.
Hurts...hide behind closed doors so you can't see me
Can't see me hurt.
When you ask what's wrong I say nothing.
You know its the rat, you won't deny it, but won't fix it.
Deal with it, its who I am, your eyes say.
Cannot.
I'm not enough. I was never enough for you.
My body doesn't fulfill yours, my devotion doesn't heal your wounds
We make love, and you hold my wrists in a steely grip.
You're imagining I'm one of them. One of the rat's women.
That I didn't give myself to you but you had to take me.
Hurts so much.
How long? How long until there's only the rat?
Until he owns you completely and has you solely for his own?
Until I lie broken and bleeding on the ground in defeat?
Not long. Not long at all. Its already begun.
People call you by the rat's name.
They come to you for the rat's offerings. He owns you.
Not mine. Never mine. Was fooling myself.
Open veins and vomiting arteries taint my dreams
Don't scare me as they used to. Comfort. Odd comfort.
The rat tells me its the only way. Fucking rat.
Wants you for himself. Wants to corrupt you fully.
I can't fight him. I'm no match.
So welcome home, my love.
Don't pretend to leave the rat at the door tonight
I know you let him in after I've turned my back.
There's not enough room in our bed for three, I'll take the couch.
No, don't mind me. Its my fault.
Seems I've run from one nightmare and into another.