Authors note: - I wrote this really late so it might be slightly odd. And I'm sorry in advance for anything Seth says! Ok back to the point, its based on the idea of the HBO show Real Sex roving the streets of New York and running into a few of my characters. Maybe I'll expand on it more latter but as of now it's almost three in the morning and I have to get up early tomorrow. BLarg….

Real Sex: Take One

The film crew huddled on the street corner; it was a bitterly cold night and most seemed unhappy to be there. They checked their equipment and ran a few tests to make sure everything was ready. Once everything was ready to go they began to look for victims.

"Would you like to be interview for a show called 'Real Sex'?" One crew member would ask of passing people. Most walked a large semicircle to get around him and all but fled. Others simply ignored him as if he had said nothing.

"I hate New York…" He grumbled to one of the camera men.

"Not full of the friendliest people ever." His companion replied.

"Try this next couple." A boom operator suggested, pointing down the street at a pair of dark clad individuals.

The crew member prepared himself as they came into view. He smiled when they passed under a street light, illuminating them perfectly. The woman was dressed in a black leather mini skirt and matching leather bodice, her thigh high leather boots had heels so high it was a wonder that she didn't twist her ankle. She had her hair swept back from her face in a French braid, and her blood red lips curled up in a pleasantly happy smile.

Beside her the man similarly wore a good amount of leather. Both his coat and pants were composed of black leather but his shirt was a fancy black silk with matching tie. His hair was longer than the woman he walked beside and hung very strait and loose around his fairly broad shoulders. Unlike his happy friend he looked cantankerous.

The producer moved towards them and cleared his throat. As one they stopped and stared at him, the woman with an open curious smile and the man with a disdainful glare.

"Good evening, we are doing some side walk interviews for a show called 'Real Sex'…" He began to say before the woman cut him off.

"I love that show! Are you going to interview us!?" She did a little happy hop and stared at him with joyous expectations.

"Yes ma'am if you'll sigh an agreement." He held out a clip-board that he'd been carrying all night.

She stepped up beside him, her bare shoulder brushing up against him. Even through his thick sweater he could feel the warmth of her body teasing him. "So where do we sign?"

"Night… I don't want to be interview for some show, especially one called 'Real Sex'." Her male friend grumbled.

"Oh hush up and let me have some fun." She said and she signed to where he pointed. "Now you sign it." The woman ordered, pointing the clip-board and pen at him.

He stared at her long and hard and some unspoken conversation seemed to happen in the breath of a few seconds. With the utmost reluctance he signed the paper and handed the pen back to the producer.

"We'll just be asking you a few questions and you two can go on your way." He said cheerfully signaling the crew to begin filming.

"So are you two a couple?" He asked them.

"We're married." The woman supplied, holding up her hand to show off a diamond ring.

"How long?"

She got a briefly thinking look and smiled more than ever. "For about twenty years."

The whole crew balked at her casual comment and stared between the two. Both appeared to be very young. "Oh uh… Do you ever bring toys into the bedroom?" The producer asked, quickly regaining his composure.

"Oh I do all the time." The woman said.

They turned towards the man and the crew member went on. "How do you feel about the toys?"

"I try not to think about it and quite frankly I'm pleased that I have little idea of what kind of toys she uses." He said scowling.

Again they received a collective puzzled look from the group. "So you don't share in the experience?" Their interviewer asked tactfully.

"Hell no." The leather clad man snapped.

"He doesn't like to think about my sex life." The woman supplied with a pouting frown.

"So… You have extramarital relationships?" He asked, already getting off track with the theme questions of the night.

She nodded. "Oh yes, all the time. I need to, considering he doesn't satisfy me at all."

Oddly the man didn't seem bothered by her blasé comments. He simply watched his wife interact with the mostly male crew with a mild expression.

"Oh… Uh…" The producer struggled to think what he was supposed to ask them next and finally managed to get his wits about him. "Do you two try anything non-traditional? Like S&M?"

"Us? Oh no." She said quickly. "We don't have sex."

This floored the whole crew and they all but gawked. "You've been married for twenty years and you don't have sex?" The camera man blurted out.

"I married her for the kids." The man said bluntly.

"Yes, he's a good man. Paid for their college and gave them just about what ever they could want or need." She said petting his arm affectionately.

"I don't… think we can use this footage…" The producer muttered his shoulders slumped in defeat.

The woman looked disappointed. "I'm sorry. I guess we don't really fit the bill for what you want."

"Lets go, we are wasting their time and ours." The gruff man said pulling his wife along by her lily white arm. She waved goodbye with a smile.

Once they turned the corner the producer sat down on one of the chairs that they had brought along. "Something tells me this is going to be a long night." He said groaning.

"Hey Jim, I think I just spotted a pair we can't go wrong with." The camera man said nudging Jim's leg.

He reluctantly lifted his head and looked. "God exists and he just granted our needs."

The producer hopped to his feet and faced the coming duo with a big smile. It was a pair of punks, one with a very tall thick blue mo-hawk and the other with a tri-hawk dyed blue down the middle and pink down the sides. As soon as they stepped under a street light their piercings became very evident. The man with the tri-hawk sported just about every piercing possible while the other much taller mo-hawked man had only a few.

He stepped forward and quickly spoke before they could react. "Hi, were filming for a show called 'Real Sex' and were hoping you'd let us interview you two."

They exchanged glances and shrugged. "Sure." The taller younger man said.

"Just sign by the X's please." The producer said holding out his clip-board with a pen.

The two signed and stared at him expectantly. He cleared his throat and stepped back out of the shot.

"So, do either of you use toys in your sex life?" He asked eagerly.

The one with the mo-hawk shook his head. "Heck no, sex should be pure."

His friend regarded him like he was insane. "You kidding me? It's great to add a few playthings to the mix."

The producer began to get excited but kept it from his voice. "So what kind of toys do you use?"

He got a deeply thinking look and played with a ring on the left side of his mouth. "Well I've got a sling, collars, manacles, clips, clamps, gags, blindfolds, cock-rings, talons…"

His friend cut him off. "Talons? What the hell is that?"

"Oh, they are little talons that fit on the end of your finger." The punk replied with a large smile.

"You disturb me." The single crested young man said shaking his head.

He shrugged at his friends comment, still smiling darkly. "I just enjoy having fun."

"So you use a lot of toys?" The producer interjected.

"Yeah, you can say that. I would have gone on if my friend here hadn't interrupted." He glanced towards his friend who still shook his head.

"Have most of your partners been receptive?" The producer asked.

"Well very few of them were willing to let me use all the toys but it's rare for me to have a partner that doesn't mind at least one." His grin grew and suggested a lot of nasty things. "They all liked the sling."

His friend stepped back as if he'd been struck. "Ok that's away too much information."

"Thanks, you two defiantly gave us some great material to work with." The crew leader said grinning.

"It was fun." Said the more heavily decorated of the pair.

"It was informative. Too informative." The other said making a face.

"You two have a great night." He said waving as they walked down the street.

The producer sat down once again but was smiling this time. "And I thought we wouldn't get anything tonight. I love punks… They always have something fun to say."

"More people heading our way." The boom operator said quickly standing up after only a brief time kneeling.

"What kind?" He asked sitting up, looking down the street to where the lot of the crew faced.

"Looks like a bunch of girls with a guy." The camera man said his eyes much better than the rest of them.

"Perfect, hopefully they'll agree to speak to us." Jim said standing up slowly.

The group came into view and proved to be another odd gathering. Two of the women were dressing in old threadbare clothes while the third wore a simple ankle length black velvet dress and no shoes. The man with them was massive, not only in height but over all size. He had to be at least seven feet tall and his shoulders were equally large.

They all stopped and stared at the film crew who stared back hopefully. The large man raised an eyebrow and said in a deep voice that seemed to almost shake the ground. "Can we help you?"

Jim took his chance and stepped forward. "We're filming for a show called 'Real Sex' and were wondering if you'd do a quick interview with us?"

A quick exchanged of glances and all shrugged but a woman with white hair and a harsh expression. The dress wearing woman nudged her shoulder with a cheerful smile and said. "Come on Bella, it will be fun. Besides it won't have any relevance to you. You're a virgin."

Bella glared at the still cheerfully smiling woman and hissed. "Thanks for telling the whole world about my sex life."

"Or lack there of." The other poorly dressed woman said with a wry smile.

The white haired woman turned her glare to the speaker but didn't say anything, only pouted angrily.

Jim held out the clip-board. "Just sign at the X's and we'll get started."

They all signed one after another, even the angry Bella. He took back the clip-board and his pen, happy that unlike most nights no one had yet taken his pen.

"So, do any of you use toys?" He asked casually, after working as a producer for 'Real Sex' for over a year he no longer felt insecure about asking people such strange questions.

"Only vibrators." Offered the auburn hair woman nonchalantly.

Her velvet wearing friend giggled. "Same here, I've used other toys before but I only personally own a few vibrators."

The white haired woman groaned loudly and rolled her eyes. "Have you two no shame?!"

They stared at her blankly and her similarly dressed friend said bluntly. "None what so ever. I do dance naked every now and again, remember?"

The large man stared down at the three women with a soft smile. Jim glanced up at him. "How about you sir?"

"Huh? Oh no, I'm looking for just the right woman so I've never had the chance to experiment." He said with a shy blush, looking terribly demure for such a sizeable man.

"At least I'm not alone." Bella said folding her arms over her chest with a big frown.

"Well you and Nick can enjoy your virginity; I on the other hand will enjoy my sexual freedom." The auburn haired woman proclaimed proudly, her hand touching just over her heart as she spoke.

The velvet dressed one nodded quickly with a big smile. "Me too." She giggled wildly for a moment and winked at her pouting friend. "One night with Seth would change your mind though. The sling is fun."

The producer balked and glanced at the crew. It couldn't be he thought to him self. "Would this Seth fellow have a pink and blue tri-hawk with a lot of metal in him?"

The four nodded. "Yeah that's Seth." The big guy said.

"You've met him?" The petite dress wearing woman asked.

"Yeah, we just interviewed him a few moments ago…" He replied dazed.

"Small world." The camera man muttered staring at the group through the camera.

"I bet he's headed to the club!" The better dressed woman said cheerfully. "Come on Morragon lets go catch up to him!" She grabbed Morragon's wrist and darted down the street, not even waiting for her to agree or protest.

The remaining two exchanged glances and looked back to the crew. "Are we done here?" Bella asked abrasively.

"Yeah, I guess we got enough." Jim said watching them go.

"I'm never leaving the house with those two." Bella grumbled to the big man.

"I think their cute." He said with a big smile and they disappeared around the corner.

Jim rubbed his temples and said softly. "How about we call this a wrap, we'll finish filming tomorrow night when hopefully the freaks aren't out in droves."

The crew nodded in agreement and they packed everything away and piled into their cars, fleeing from the streets of New York and the people who walked them.