Copyright 2002 by bunnyb.  All characters are my own creation, though I admit to being inspired by the opening pages of the manga Planet Ladder. Rated PG for implied violence and situations of a, ah, physical nature.  This Heart Will Forgive You

You can't hear me.  I must not be speaking.  Words can no longer be formed by my lips – they never will be again.  Or maybe you can't hear me over your own screaming.  Why are you screaming?  Why are you crying?  It's only for a little while.

            They said you were evil.  What a useless word.  They told me to stay away from you. Trouble was all you brought. Well, I wanted that trouble. I sought your danger.  I lived for the excitement and horror that was life by your side. 

            I've never seen you cry before.  For me?  Saline drops descend from those crystal orbs so long frozen, over me?  All the times you pushed me away …  Could you have really …

            With every life I saw you take my fear and admiration grew.  But you would never have noticed me.  I was not the killing type.  I never killed anyone.  I was all wrong for you. You needed someone strong, where I was weak.  Look what this weakness has brought us to.

            The day you told me you wanted me I was sure you had made a mistake. But you never make mistakes.  That is why you stand over me now, and not the other way around.  When you took me to your room, I could have died that day happy that I had received a mere glimpse of you behind your façade.  I may have been weak, but I was not stupid. I knew you hid behind sword and black magic, I knew there was someone else beneath the war braids of long blonde hair and scars, which crisscrossed your body.  I have run my hands over every one and I know.

            I know more than you would have ever wanted anyone to know.

            Don't hold me so tight, it hurts.

            You never meant to "get so involved."  You used that line so many times; I can hear your voice telling me even now.  I used to think it was because I was a man.  And then I thought it was because I was young.  Perhaps I've used the wrong word.  You were young too, only I was inexperienced.  You were my first, my last, my only, and I was just another face in the crowd to you.

            But I wore you down.  After your initial approach I became emboldened, and persistent, insistent.   But did you fall in love with me?

            I know not at first.  But that day when I thought I had lost you to the other side, and you walked through our door and I cried in your arms for joy you knew I meant it.  I wanted no other. I never had, not really.

            Please, wait, I'm not finished yet, you're making it hard to breathe.

            You do now.  Love me, I mean.  You cry for me.  Yet I don't understand.  You needn't do that.  It is enough for me to know that you love me, that last night when you thought I was asleep I heard you speak the words you never could in daylight.  It's as if you knew this day was coming, and while you could not say it to my waking form, you could tell me when you thought I was asleep.  So I knew.  Knew that you really did love me. 

            No, wait, please.  I know that look.  I can't have lived with and loved you for so many years to not know that look.  I can see the anger in your eyes.  You will seek revenge.  Avenge me?  I don't need to be avenged.  These things happen when you go to war, that's life. 

            But you won't listen to me.  You will do as you wish.  Impetuous and hardheaded, but so completely not like that at all.  Not when we were together.  I laugh to think there was such a time when I may have believed in your single drive for death, and sought it out.  I know now that if that had been the real you, if what I first wanted was what I got, I never would have stayed. 

            Don't think I'm not staying now! I know who you really are, and love you for it.  I love everything about you.  There.  Does it hurt you to know that now?  You must know something else.  This heart of mine will forgive you.

            No matter what you do or who you do it for.  The lives you take in anger and sorrow, what you destroy, what you take, what you give.  I cannot promise you much.  But as long as my soul remains intertwined with yours, as long as my will and yours to be together remains encased in its iron sheath, like your magic blade, I will promise you this.  To love you for whatever you are.  To wait for you until you are by my side again.  To exonerate any deed you to, because you are everything to me.  Do you still cry as I speak this comfort?

But you can no longer hear me.  I must not be speaking.  Words can no longer be formed by my lips – they never will be again.  Or maybe you can't hear me … don't cry … it isn't for very long … I promise my heart will forgive … you …

Angsty, but still a good time, right?  Leave me a review?  Thanks.

~*~ bunnyb ~*~