DO THE AFTERLIFE!


Normally, I don't do this, but it's under special circumstances- I'dlike to make a dedication to my Ancient History teacher Mr. K, because he reintroduced my love for mythology when he started our lesson on ancient Egypt. Thanks again, Mr. K!!

Okay, if anyone has ever watched "Whose Line is it Anyway?", you might remember the game Motown Group. I thought I'd do a variation of it, only with the Egyptian gods. Standing in for Wayne, Colin, and Ryan (of "Whose Line") are the gods Anubis, Sobek, and Horus.



ANNOUNCER: ...and now, for a group even older than the Rolling Stones, please welcome Anubis, Sobek, and Horus, with their song "Do the Afterlife!"

(audience cheers as the three gods walk onstage)

ANUBIS: Ready, boys?

SOBEK: I've been ready!

HORUS: Let's do this!

(Mowtown music starts playing; audience claps to the beat as the gods begin their routine)

HORUS: (not singing) Hey, Sobek!

SOBEK: (not singing) Yeah, Horus?

HORUS: Wanna learn a new dance? It's called "the Afterlife"!

SOBEK: "The Afterlife"? What's that about?

HORUS: Pardon me; I'll explain!

(Horus, in the middle, steps forward)

HORUS: (singing) Well, the toil of a mortal body can cause a lot of strife;
That's why we gods invented a restful afterlife!
It's like a better version of the life you're living now,
'Cause even though you're working, there's no sweat on your brow!
It may not be paradise, but it's still ain't that bad!
Take it from me- the pharoah is my dad!

(Horus steps back as the audience cheers for him; Anubis, to his right, steps forward)

ANUBIS: (singing) I'm Anubis- the god of the dead!
You'll recognize my ankh and my jackel head!
We'll go down to the underworld, and I'll weigh your heart!
If it's lighter than a feather, to the afterlife depart!
Be careful, though- if your heart's weighed down by sin,
Ammut will eat it up; we won't be seeing you again!

(Anubis steps back as the audience cheers for him; Sobek, to Horus' left, steps forward)

SOBEK: (singing) The tradition of the afterlife began some time ago,
When Set killed Osiris with a rather forceful blow!
He chopped the corpse to pieces and threw them in the river!
His sister Isis found them- put her husband back together!
Now he's king of the dead, but it came with a price-
The poor soul got there after being murdered twice!

(The audience cheers for Sobek as Horus and Anubis step forward)

ANUBIS: (not singing) Sounds like a great dance! How do you do it?

HORUS: (not singing) It's easy- just follow my lead!

(The three gods get into position)

HORUS: (singing) Well, first you take a dagger, and take it to your heart!
And then, you'll meet Anubis- he will show you where to start!

ANUBIS: (singing) I'll weigh that little organ- if it's lighter than a feather,
You'll get a free pass to the world down nether!

SOBEK: (singing) So bring your servants! Your children! Your wife!

ALL: We're having a good time in the afterlife! Afterlife!
Do the Afterlife!

HORUS: Do the Afterlife!
ANUBIS & SOBEK: Afterlife!

ANUBIS: Do the Afterlife!
HORUS & SOBEK: Afterlife!

SOBEK: Do the Afterlife!
HORUS & ANUBIS: Afterlife!

(The gods continue as the cheers of the audience eventually drown out the music)

HORUS: Thank you, British Museum!

ANUBIS: You've been a wonderful audience!

SOBEK: We're here 'till Wednesday!

ALL: Anhk udja seneb!

(Horus, Anubis, and Sobek bow and leave the stage as the audience continues to cheer)