POTUS = President of the United States

COS = Chief of Staff

PM = Prime Minister

United Kingdom = Greatest country in the world

POTUS: Hey you!

Assistant: Me sir?

POTUS: Yeah, you. Who is the President of the United States of America?

Assistant: You sir.

POTUS: Damn straight!

[Assistant leaves and another one enters]

POTUS: Hey you!

Assistant: Me sir?

POTUS: Yeah, you. Who is the President of the United States of America?

Assistant: You sir.

POTUS: Damn straight!

[Assistant leaves]

POTUS: Hey you!

COS: Sir, we have a problem.

POTUS: What is it?

COS: It seems that someone has stolen the F-19 Stealth bomber from you-know-what in you-know-where.

POTUS: Do we know whom?

COS: We think it might have been the British.

POTUS: The British?

COS: Yes sir.

POTUS: Aren't they one of our allies?

COS: Yes sir.

POTUS: Why would they steal our stealth bomber?

COS: We don't know, sir.

POTUS: What should I do?

COS: I suggest you call the British Prime Minister.

POTUS: Good idea. [Looks around]

COS: Here's the phone, sir.

POTUS: What's the number?

COS: You just press the button that says United Kingdom, sir.

POTUS: Ahh, excellent. [Looks at the phone]

COS: This one sir. [Presses button]

POTUS: Hello, is this the United Kingdom? I am the President of the United States I wish to speak to… [Puts hand over the phone] Who do I wish to speak too?

COS: The Prime Minister.

POTUS: Shouldn't I be speaking to their President.

COS: Sir, we have been over this. They don't have a President. They are a constitutional monarchy. They have a Queen and a Prime Minister.

POTUS: Oh yeah. [Takes hand off phone] I would like to speak to the Prime Minister. [Hand over the phone] They are putting me through.

COS: What song are they playing?

POTUS: God Save the Queen…by the Sex Pistols.

COS: Good song.

POTUS: Yeah, but I don't get the part where…oh hello Mrs. Prime Minister.

COS: Mister.

POTUS: [Hand over the phone] what?

COS: Mister Prime Minister not missus.

POTUS: Are you sure?

COS: Yes, sir.

POTUS: [Takes hand off phone] Hello Mister Prime Minister.

PM: Hello Mr. President, what can I do for you today?

POTUS: It seems that one of our stealth bombers is missing.

PM: Really? Is that the big black plane?

POTUS: Just a minute. [Hand over the phone] Is it the big black plane?

COS: Yes, sir.

POTUS: [Hand off phone] Yes, that's the one.

PM: And you say it is stolen?


PM: Who would do something like that?

POTUS: Well according to our reports it was you.

PM: Us?


PM: Are you accusing me of plotting a massive military operation to break into one of your top secret airforce bases and steal the most secretive aeroplane in the world to be bought back to England for intensive study?

POTUS: Err…yes?

PM: I don't know what you are talking. We British are not thieves and we do not like being called thieves.

POTUS: Yes I understand that but…just a minute. [Hand over the phone] What is this?

COS: It is satellite photos showing the stealth bomber being stolen, systemically dismantled, being placed aboard a Concorde and flown back to England.

POTUS: [Hand off the phone] Mr. Prime Minister I have just been given evidence showing that the stealth bomber was placed aboard a Concorde.

PM: That doesn't mean it was us. It could have been the French.

POTUS: And that Concorde was flown to England.

PM: Yes, well, I can explain that.


PM: You see we do have a stealth bomber that fits your description.

POTUS: So you did steal it?

PM: No! We err… found it.

POTUS: You found it?

PM: Yes that's it. We found it. We didn't know it was yours we thought someone had abandoned it.

POTUS: Where did you find it?

PM: Area 52.

POTUS: The high-level, top-secret American airforce base, area 52?

PM: Yes that's the one.

POTUS: And you just happened to find a stealth bomber in area 52?

PM: Yep.

POTUS: Just a minute. [Hand on phone] He says they just found it.

COS: Found it?


COS: Sir, I think they might be lying to you.

POTUS: Lying?

COS: Yes, sir.

POTUS: I don't understand. What is lying?

COS: It is where you purposely don't tell the truth so that you get your way.

POTUS: Oh you mean campaigning.

COS: Err…yes, sir.

POTUS: [Hand on phone] Are you lying to me?

PM: Lying? What is that?

POTUS: Campaigning.

PM: Oh, well, err… yes.

POTUS: So, you didn't find it?

PM: No.

POTUS: How did you get it then?

PM: We were, err… given it.

POTUS: Given it?

PM: Yes, given it. We asked your military if we could have a stealth bomber and they said yes.

POTUS: [Hand on phone] He says they were given it.

[COS shakes his head]

POTUS: [Hand off phone] we have no record of that.

PM: Oh. Okay, we bought it.

POTUS: [Hand on phone] bought it?

[COS shakes his head]

POTUS: [Hand off phone] Nope.

PM: Okay to tell you the truth we stole it.

POTUS: But why?

PM: Does it really matter?

POTUS: I don't know the reader of this might want to know. They are probably expecting some kind of punch-line.

PM: Yeah but I don't really care about the reader, do you?

POTUS: No, I suppose not.

PM: Shall we end it here just to piss them off?

POTUS: Okay.