Letter to an Eating-Disorder

I thought you would change me for the better. But you haven't. That's not to say you haven't changed me at all…you have. You have turned me into someone I hate…you have caused me to hate myself more than I did before you were part of my life, part of my soul. You have polluted me.

I thought you were going to be something for ME to control. I had no control over any part of my life. Then there was you. I could control you, and it made feel better, it made me feel good, secure, more stable. Then you started to control me. Only gradually at first. But it happened.

So now, I'm saying this; I want you out of my life. I don't want you to be a part of me anymore, I want you to go away and leave me in peace…please, I beg you, give me some control back. Let me live, let me be me.

I have nothing now. Nothing but you. But I still want rid of you. I could do so much, but because of you, I have lost all my confidence, all my desire and ambition. I need to let go of you. But I can't... I can't do it alone... you're my only friend. And some friend you are, dragging me down.

I thought you were the answer. And for a while you were, you made me happy in the beginning. You were a short-term solution to my problems. But now you are a long-term problem, you are just making it worse, making everything worse. Just go away...