Written 12/6/02

When you've lost the light in your eye

You've given up trying to show what you have inside

You've left yourself to the shadows and gloom

to be eaten away by this rotting tomb

I managed to forget you

no matter how hard you've tried

it only seems to make me sigh

I've lost touch with the world

But one would never understand

The feeling of self-doubt

The just fills my heart inside and out

I can no longer knock on your door

To see if you're inside.

You've closed your life to me

Cause I forgot what I had inside

The little world I had

Was greatly shattered

Listening to snide remarks of who I am and what I've become

Being hated cause I'm different

Being hated because I'm the same

I'm battling a great monster

With all my heart

It seems to shatter all of my self-esteem

I've punished myself

By watching my shape

Watching what I say

Attempting to be something I don't think I can be

The self-esteem I had

The self-confidence I contained

Has disappeared into the dark black sky

And it seems you have too.

Lost to me for all eternity

I travel down these streets

Down this hall

Trying to find the face that belongs to you

But I lose you as the crowd breaks my gaze and you turn the corner

The hall empties out

Everyone goes into the classroom marked as their own

With their clique, friends, and group

I go to my classroom

I avoid gazes, squeeze through aisles

And find myself wishing I wasn't there

And could be completely alone

The world's cruel

This I can tell you.

Someone may be better off alone for the rest of their life

Friends that hurt, betray, and hate you for being what you are will leave you eventually

Even the best friend will be lost and leave you

I sit at home, watching TV in the afternoon

Finding soap operas

About reality

Who's stalking who, marrying who, having an affair with this one, and killing this one

I can't except change

I can't except reality

I can't fit in with this world

So where do I belong?

I'm not a prep

I'm not a punk

I'm not a jock

I'm not deranged

I'm ME

Why can't you except that?