A/N: Title and inspiration for this story based on the song "Strawberry Gashes" Jack Off Jill
"So, did you lose virginity?"
Truth or dare. How she hated this game. Swallowing the all too familiar fear she felt rising in her throat, she nervously looked around the circle of eager faces staring at her.
Why had she chosen truth? You should know better than that, her mind berated her. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Did you lose your virginity?
The words echoed eerily in her mind, making her shudder as she tried to focus on one spot on the wall. Tried to make her mind and the images running through it shut off.
But she didn't have control over this, she knew, and before long she was no longer in the safety of her best friend's house…Hands groping, screaming, cries, pain, blood, tears, protesting, begging…
A hand on her shoulder. "Becca?"
And she left the bedroom, forgot about Mike. She was once again in Katie's living room, surrounded by friends she had known since pre-school.
Though the physical act had been committed nearly three years ago, it never stopped. Not for her.
"Well have you?" Allison prodded, the eagerness written across her face quickly fading to frustration.
"Come on," Katie said, shoving Allison lightly. "She doesn't have to answer if she doesn't want to."
"Yes," Grace interrupted. "She does. Those are the rules."
Allison nodded vigorously as Becca felt the color drain from her face. Katie tried to give her a sympathetic smile and raised her eyebrows as if to say, "I tried," but it did nothing to quell the impending panic attack she could feel rising inside of her.
Deep breaths, she reminded herself. Stay grounded, you'll be fine.
But she wasn't fine. How could these girls possibly understand what she had been through? They were, after all, 12 years old. They didn't understand things like this. They couldn't, and it would be selfish of her to make them try.
No one should have to be exposed to that kind of pain, she thought bitterly.
She had told no one. Even as her mother had come home to find her daughter a wreck, clothing torn, eyes red from tears, body red from drying blood, she hadn't uttered a word.
He had threatened her, held a gun to her head. So she had stayed quiet, had bitten her lip to keep from screaming out in pain, had held back the tears throughout the entire agonizing ordeal, and had suffered in her own miserable silence for three years now.
But not anymore.
"Come on, Becca!" Allison said. "It's not a big deal, just tell us."
She flinched at the words.
Not a big deal…
If only she knew.
Well, Becca thought as a smile crept across her face, if you really want to know that badly…
Attempting a weak smile, Becca looked up to meet the gaze of the other girls, her mind spinning, churning out a million excuses per second.Have I lost my virginity?
The question once again echoed through her mind.
"No," she finally replied quietly, her voice holding an enormous amount of carefully concealed pain. "It was taken."