I hit the rough bag , feeling pressure down the bones of my hand .It hurts, yes, it hurts so bad,but I squeeze my fist harder and hit no matter what. My mind whispers to me that there is no pain , there is no pain.

My heart punds and jumps , wants to be let out of her cage, rages inside my chest, ready to break my bones.Sweat is dripping on my face,I feel the roughness of my glove whipping it away , and here we go again. Left,rightleft! Step back, shadow box! And here I go again , left , right ,left , right , left!



The time when my whole body screams STOP!

Everything happens so fast , I lie to theme , I even lie to msyelf,it's not like I can't come back , I could , if this thing beating inside would dare to wrok .The trainer thinks that I will change my mind , but I know I won't. The night fell outside , and I shiver as I walk trough the dirt, I feel like I'm never going to be alive again.

My body doesen't want to go on forth, I want to go back, I want to run my fingers on the black gloves , to feel the rough leather, but my feet can't hold me anymore , nor forth , nor backwards. I fall on the cold wood of the bench , my back facing the football field. Everything is empty now, the neon lights are the ones holding my hands right now.

I don't want to , but they don't listen and they fall on my cheeck, down on my blouse, salty tears of sorrow .My hands are tensioned and I feel like I'm going to crush the wood of the bench if I squeeze more . Dreams are not made to last because they always fade in the morning.It's not my fault that my heart needs too many stitches,not my falut , because I'm just a kid and I don't have the power to glue it back.

How much time passed? I have no idea but the tears are dry and gone from my face .I have to rise and go on again for God knows what time. I don't dare to look back because it might trigger me so I just rise somehow and take one step.And another, and another.

I exit the gate, this is the end of it.I lost one more dear thing to me. Don't give me those looks, you can't never really understand. I'm going far and far away from the only thing that made me hold on.Cannot erase it , cannot press Rewind, it's recorded in my mind , it will never fade away. I'm moving further. Beggining again , loosing something.I breathe and walk.

Here I go again....



~