A/N:  I know the subject of this story is extremely controversial, and that many people will probably flame me for writing this. But it is not in ANY way promoting anorexia. Just the opposite. It's simply a story about pro anorexia. But if anyone really feels strongly about it and wants me to take it off, I will (I hope you don't, but I will). Again, I'm NOT promoting anorexia at all. Please don't flame me for promoting it because that's not what I'm doing. Also, I went through hell trying to recover this story after Microsoft Word fucked it up. So please review!


BroadwayDiva: I did it again today.

Pain4Perfection: What??? Why? I thought you were going to stop!

BroadwayDiva: I was. But something happened last night and I just couldn't help it.

Pain4Perfection: What happened?

Taylin leaned over her keyboard, fingers poised, ready to type when suddenly a new IM box popped up on her screen.

Pain4Perfection: I g2g, sorry -- my mom found out about my little "problem" so she's taking me to a shrink. *gag*

BroadwayDiva: Shit, that sucks!

Pain4Perfection: Yeah, tell me about it. Anywaze, I'll ttul, and I want you to tell me what happened last night!

BroadwayDiva: Ok, I'll e-mail you. Bye!

Pain4Perfection: C ya

She couldn't believe no one had noticed. It had been going on for almost a year now, and no one suspected a thing. Every now and then they'd question her about her attire -- about why she chose to dress in long sleeves and pants all the time. But no one really knew anything.

"Tay!" a voice called out from behind her closed door.

Sighing, Taylin quickly logged off of AOL, just in time as her younger sister came bounding into her room.

"Melanie, what do you want?" Tay asked wearily, closing her eyes in frustration and tucking a lock of unruly black curls behind a multiply pierced ear. No matter how many times she told Melanie to stay out of her room, the eleven year old did not seem to get it.

"I need to borrow your black pants."

"Why don't you wear Amber's?" she asked, a hint of anger seeping through in her otherwise calm, even voice.

"I did! But they didn't fit. Can I have yours? Pleeeaaase?" Melanie whined.

"Okay, okay! Stop whining," Taylin muttered as she stood from her computer chair and walked over to her closet. "They'll probably be too big on you, anyway."

Regardless of this, Tay threw a pair of tangled black pants at her sister, just missing her head.

"No they won't. I've worn your pants before, they fit."

"What? When have you worn my clothes before?!"

"Oops..."

Before Taylin had the chance to say anything more Melanie turned and scampered from the room, her older sister standing in the doorway shouting after her.

"Brat! Stay out of my room!!"

"Tay, don't call your sister a brat," her mother threatened from downstairs, emerging from the kitchen wearing tarnished oven gloves.

"Sorry," Taylin muttered, flopping down on her bed, even though she really wasn't sorry. But she didn't want to cause even more unrest in the family than she already had so she kept her mouth shut.

From the bottom of the stairway, Linda watched her daughter curl up into a ball on her bed and she instantly felt sorry for the harsh words. Taylin was going through so much right now, and the last thing she needed was a nagging mother on her back. Linda knew she had to lighten up, give her oldest daughter some space to work through whatever it was she needed to deal with. Being raped was no easy thing to get over, and Linda should know better than anyone.

Sighing, the woman pushed the thoughts from her head and pulled the gloves off her aging hands.

"Girls, come down for dinner!"

Melanie and Amber came racing down the stairs, bickering with each other the entire way down. Linda never knew where they found the energy.

"Tay?" she called, noticing that her other daughter still had not moved from her spot on the bed.

Slowly Taylin rose and peered her head out the doorway, staring at her mother who stood just at the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm not hungry, Mom. Save me something for later, okay?"

"Tay, I really think you should..." but her nagging conscience silenced her.

Lay off. Give her some space. She needs time to deal with this, just like you did. She doesn't need this from you right now.

"Okay," Linda agreed hesitantly. "But you'll eat later?"                                                                                       

From her room, Taylin nodded down at her mother, all the while knowing that she most definitely would not eat later.

Giving her shrinking body a sideways glance in the mirror, Taylin stuck out her tongue in disgust and threw herself onto her gray computer chair.

"Pathetic," she whispered to herself. "Fat, disgusting, and pathetic."

From downstairs she could hear the sounds of utensils scraping against dishes, glasses slamming onto the kitchen table, and she was glad that she had stood up to her mother for once and argued her way out of dinner. It was a rare occurrence. Usually Taylin complied without so much as a sigh, but she had already eaten breakfast and lunch today! There was no way she could have eaten dinner as well.

Smiling to herself, Tay turned on her computer and signed onto AOL again to see if any of her friends were online. She frowned when she saw that only Jamie, Craig, and Becca were. These weren't the kind of friends Taylin wanted to talk to right now. Before any of them had a chance to IM her, Taylin quickly clicked the corner button on her buddy list, turning on her away message.

Remembering her promise to Kelly (Pain4Perfection), Taylin clicked on the "write mail" button and began typing.

Her fingers flew across the keyboard, barely even taking a moment to pause between words. She wanted to get this out fast, as quickly as possible, so she could stop thinking about it. "It" being the thing that caused her to cut herself again for the first time in two weeks, after swearing she would stop.

Almost sub consciously, Taylin pressed a hand to her bandaged wrist, as if to cover the wound from vision. Because maybe if she couldn't see it, she could forget that it ever happened at all.

She did want to stop. She really did, despite how she told herself otherwise on a regular basis. Cutting wasn't a release anymore, it didn't have the same calming effect, it didn't provide the anesthetic that it once had for her. Yes, she still had impulses. Many, in fact. But the nuisance of having to wear long clothing no matter what the weather or situation was getting to be quite a burden, especially since some friends at school had begun to comment on it. And it outweighed the need to cut, for Taylin.

So lately she had turned to a new method of release. A much better one, she thought, since it was not only temporary, but lasted as long as her will power did. "Ana", she and her friends liked to call it. Ana, short for anorexia, was her God. Not that she wanted to become anorexic. No. That would be going overboard. That would be out of control, and she wanted exactly the opposite. She wanted to be in control. She wanted the control she had lost so long ago, the control she had relinquished to her older brother that night he snuck into her bedroom almost a year ago.

The thought of Jordan brought Tay back to the task at hand: finishing her e-mail to Kelly.

Sighing, Taylin held a shaking hand over the mouse and pressed the "send mail" button.

How she would get through this situation, she didn't know. She did know one thing: She would not give up her control again. She would not let Jordan ruin her life once again.


A/N:  Keep reading to find out what was in the e-mail.