Chapter 1

Author's Notes: I needed to write about this, whether anyone reviews it or not.

By Crystal

I guess I should start this story...  around when I was in grade 8.  I was 13 at the time.  Yes, that sounds about right.  I had just gotten a new computer on December 11th, 1998 for my Christmas present.  Nobody got it for me, so it can't be exactly a Christmas present...  But whatever.  Let's just say I treated myself to a computer.  Well, okay, I got real excited that day and started downloading a chat program.  It was called ICQ which most of you know it.  Anyways, this about starts the whole story of my soul mate, or what I thought was soul mate...  I was young and foolish...  Yet, the more I grew, the more reality showed.  Life wasn't perfect.  It never was.  Nothing was perfect in the world...  Except love.  But it hurt.  Right, I should tell you this now.  As I am telling you this, it is now December 18th, 2003.

I sat down on my computer happily and was sure that I would be sitting there for the next...  Probably six to eight hours.  It was Friday and school was over, weekend was here and I could do whatever I wanted...  Until Sunday night.  Then I had to sleep early again and the weekdays would be here again.  I didn't understand why we couldn't have two days of school instead of two days of rest.  I didn't understand anything.  All I thought about at that time were my homework and marks, then there was my family and my friends.  Just that.

Opening my ICQ, I set it in Advance mode, knowing very well how to use ICQ.  Then I searched for a random person.  I had made a few friends, but there was one that I had really liked.  His nickname was Jackal (mine was Snowflakes), but I later learned that his real name was Josh.  Even thinking of him right now makes me flush red.  Even after so many years.  He was a grade 12 student and lived around an hour's drive away from me and after a while, I got to know him better.  A lot better.  I know some of you might be thinking along the lines 'Eww, he's five years older!'.  But I have no problems with that.  I'm getting ahead of the story...  ugh.  Back to the story.

Around a month after I first talked to him, we started flirting over the internet.  It was fun, really and at first, I was just having fun, nothing much more.  Then somehow, a few of his friends got my contact and I started chatting with them too and that made me know him better.  At that time, Winter Break was already over and I had once again started going to school.  At school, I no longer talked with my friends that much, which meant a lot, since I rarely talked even before the break.  I had started to daydream about going back on my computer and talking to Josh and his friends Rob and Henry.

My marks didn't drop down much, which was a relief, but I was never hearing much of my friends talk to much.  It was weird.  Really weird, but I guess that's what girls do when they have a crush on a guy.  A crush over the internet?  You might think that's pretty sad, but it's the truth.  I had a crush on him.  I knew it was foolish of me, but I guess, everyone's foolish.

Gradually, I had begun to find out something.  But I knew I didn't have a crush on him.  I fell in love with him.  It was totally stupid, but I couldn't help it.  Seriously.  All I did was think about him and that was that.  He even sent me his picture one day.  Damn he looked gorgeous.

Once, he did tell me that he loved me, and I didn't really believe him, since I mean, who would be dumb enough to fall in love with someone over the internet.  But I started believing him after he said that a few times.  Of course, all of this was unknown to his friends or my friends, though I did tell my best friend that I had a crush on someone over the internet.  She didn't laugh at me, saying that she did too.  It was funny, really.

I knew that whenever he had time, he would send me an email.  Once, we broke the record of sending 18 emails in less than an hour.  I remember, it was a Saturday morning at nine o'clock and I was suppose to leave in half an hour cause I promised my mom I would be eating lunch with her at twelve, so we were going to do a little shopping, which, may I add, hated.  Then we were going to eat lunch.  Seeing he wasn't online, I sent him an email telling him I won't be home until around five.  A minute later, I checked my email, he replied, so we kept sending emails to each other.  He even said that he was leaving his house at night and would be spending his night at some of his friend's house.  That would mean we wouldn't see each other for a while.

I guess that was all right for me, after all, he did have friends and so did I.  I couldn't keep him to myself, and I wasn't that selfish...  At least I didn't think so.  Well, when I got home at five, I checked my email, there wasn't anything, not that I expected anything.  I checked my email again at eleven, and there, on my hotmail account was his name and an email addressed to me.  I cheered inwardly and opened it up, feeling the corners of my lips curve upwards, a smile forming and my heart beating so hard I swear it could've been louder than thunder.

The email said:

Hey Honey,

Just got to my friend's and I begged him to let me use his comp to send you an email.  I might not even be home tomorrow, so I won't be replying your emails anytime soon.  Sorry about that.  Once I'm back, I'll reply you.  I promise you that.  Or I might even beg him again to let me use his comp.  Anyways, take care of yourself while I'm here.  You're my sweetest hunnybun.

*hugs and kisses*


I was blushing so hard I swear I looked like a tomato.  I have all the emails he sent me printed out, and whenever I take it out of its hiding spot and start reading, I can still feel my face flush and my heart ache once again.  Even after four years, I still think about him and those letters.  And those darn internet kisses and hugs!  I'm getting ahead of myself again, I know.  But I have a sudden urge to go read those stupid letters again.  I'll be back soon, I promise.  Later, my sweet hunnybuns!