The night is cold, I'm not talking icy cold, goose-bumps cold, I'm talking foreboding cold, as if the night knew of what I was planning to do. I slip out my bed and change from my pyjamas to a pair of short black running shorts and a large grey t-shirt. I tiptoe barefoot through the house, and walk through my parent's room, smiling, as they did not even wake. I went into their bathroom, and, guided by the full moon beaming through the window, I silently open the mirrored medicine cabinet and take my Dad's sleeping pills from the highest shelf. My Dad's own poison to be my end, how sad, I smile to myself. It's funny, I think to myself as I walk towards the back door, I would have thought I'd be crying, blurry and all soul destroyed. But I'm not, I'm clear, very clear, almost happy. I am going to be free, free of the depression, free of the guilt. Freedom is all I ever wanted, freedom from my parents rule, freedom from myself, my stupidity, my weakness.

I open the quiet sliding door and slip out. At fifteen years old I can see all along I was just this stupid little girl, huddled inside the perfect illusion. On the bench in the courtyard are my conveniently abandoned shoes and socks and a glass of water I had left there earlier. Reaching into one of the socks I pull out my mobile phone. I knew to do it properly I would need about ten, so I empty twelve out of the bottle. I set the phone down and poke at the little nest of tablets in my palm, moving them around to make patterns. It fascinated me that these tiny little specks of nothing could bring me what I so passionately wanted, deserved. I separate six of them and down the other six, followed by a gulp of water. Then the other six, no water. I didn't feel any different, figuring I had about twenty minutes, half an hour at most. I picked up the phone and dialed my boyfriend's number.

"Hello?" said a sleep voice on the other end.

"It's me, I need to see you. Meet me at the park in fifteen minutes."

"What? Can't it wait?"


"Ok. ok." He hung up. I put on my shoes and socks and stood up, my head spinning a little. Quietly, I opened the gate and dropped my phone into the bushes.

Slowly, I walked to the park. The full moon showed me the way but still a five-minute walk took me fifteen minutes. It was quiet, the breeze rustled the trees and the streets were devoid of human life. He was there when I got there, pacing backwards and forwards, looking annoyed. He caught sight of me and frowned, but when I moved from the shadow into the moonlight his expression softened. As I drew up to him, I stumbled and he caught me in his arms. Somehow, he managed to get us both seated.

"What's wrong?" A tear rolled down my cheek like crystal ice.

"I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and I am very sorry."

"For what?" he interrupted. My vision was going blurry now and I had a headache.

"I wanted to tell you this in person, a note just does not do it justice. It's all over now, I am going to be completely free." I free one of my hands from his and reach into my pocket, pulling out two last little pills. I showed them to him with a weak smile on my face, then quickly I swallowed them.

"What have you done!" I swayed a little and he grabbed me in a hug, holding me close. "We have to call an ambulance!"

"I love you. And I know you love me. But love was not enough to save me. remember me."

Fade to nothing.