By Saturn Maiden

Author's notes: I'm reloading the story, and restructuring it. Again I say this story is based loosely on my RP characters and my friend's RP characters.

Summary: Mia's always had a very active imagination, but when things from her daydreams start happening, she's forced to ask herself "Am I just seeing these things, or making them happen?"

Disclaimers: I own Mia, Rea, and Gaia. The mysterious blue haired boy belongs to meh friend Jeffy.



Sleep Depravation and Deep Thought


***Mia's Diary***

"Why the hell do I bother living? All people ever seem to see in me is a stupid punk who refuses to follow rules, and I guess that's part of who I am. But does that image have to be ALL of me? I mean, nobody at school would expect that I like to stargaze. Something about the night sky soothes me. It's so amazing how the stars seem eternal, yet many of the ones we see now died millions of years ago. That seems to give me hope that if stars can be remembered long after their deaths, maybe I can be too. I've excepted my own mortality, I mean, everybody's got to die sometime, right? So why make a big stink about worrying about it and just live? I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of dying before I get a chance to live life. And when I'm about to die, my one regret will probably be that I didn't live life well enough. I want to know all that life has to offer. I don't want to go without feeling every emotion there is. Love especially. I've never been in love.

Love is the great mystery to me, not life or death. Death, in my view is a transition from here to somewhere else, a place were love is everywhere. I don't exactly call it heaven, seeing as I technically have no real belief. I believe that there is a higher power out there, but I have no clue what it is, God, Nature, whatever, all I know is that it's out there, and that the strongest thing in the world is love. It bonds families together. It's what the world should be built on. Love is the thing that will survive beyond the physical, that's what the soul is made up, in my opinion, pure love.

Love isn't something that you can touch or understand, just know, but the love we know in this life is something tainted, something soiled by pain and regret and all that baggage that we all carry around with us. That love can be confused with other emotions and reactions, like lust, is proof of that. But I bet that on the 'other side' love is as pure as fresh snow on the mountains, no, love can't be compared to any of that stuff. Love is something that is indescribable, incomparable, or at least it should be. But hey, maybe I'm wrong, maybe we're all just out there, searching for something that doesn't exist, maybe all the stuff about love being the greatest power in the universe is wrong, I mean, greed seems a lot stronger then love here, and maybe there isn't any such thing as an afterlife. Maybe the reason I'm afraid to die before I've had a chance to live is because you don't get another chance, maybe you're here and then you're gone and then there's nothing. Maybe all this deep philosophical shit is just to make life seem like it makes sense, maybe trying to figure out the reasons behind the universe is just a way to distract people from the inevitable. Maybe there is no such thing as love, or anything like that, maybe the true emotions are lust and greed and the need for power, I mean, look at my mother.

My mother is quite a character. She attaches herself to someone for as long as they have the money, or the power, or the status that she wants, but when she sees them start to fall, she drops them like a bad habit. I never want to be like that. I've always wanted to be beautiful and graceful and kind like my aunt Gaia. Aunt Gaia's taken care of me since I was fourteen and ran away from home, I couldn't handle the steady stream of men that were in and out of Mom's life, and I couldn't go to my father because he's a good for nothing deadbeat. So I went to Aunt Gaia. She didn't question me, she just took me in and got Mom to sign over her rights, I think Mom was actually relieved that she didn't have me as a burden anymore. I know that's a horrible thing to say, but I truly believe it. I wish I didn't, but I wasn't exactly something she wanted to happen. Nobody wants to get pregnant at fourteen and have to raise a daughter on their own. And I guess Mom did a pretty decent job of it, I mean, I don't drink, or do drugs, or any of the stuff I've been accused of because of the way I look. Just cause I'm pale, like to die my hair, and dress differently then most, doesn't mean that I'm a bad kid. I'm getting tired of everyone thinking that. I guess that's just one of the things that's messed up about the world. I mean, this world is one messed up place, and I don't think I'm the first to notice it."
***End Diary***

Mia closed the notebook she had been writing in and looked out the window near her desk. She'd been living here with here aunt for a year, but she still couldn't really think of it as home. She'd never thought of the run down shack of a house she'd lived in with her mother as home either, but at least there she knew how things went. As long as she made herself scarce whenever her mother brought home a guy, she could do whatever she wanted, but Gaia was different, Gaia had rules and structure and chores for her. Before Mia had never really had to do anything except find her own food and stuff to do when she was banished to the room she slept in when she lived with her mother. Here she had to do stuff like dishes and clean her room, but she felt much better here, she felt freer in a way. It was strange.

She glanced over at the clock on one of the lilac painted walls of her room, it was only 6:00 AM, she still had time before she had to get ready for school. She'd never been much of a morning person before, but now she seemed to wake up easily when the alarm went off in the mornings, she'd even begun to awaken before the damned annoying contraption made a noise. But tonight, or the morning, as it really was, was different. She hadn't slept at all this night. Sleep was highly over rated in Mia's view, she usually did her best in school when she hadn't slept well, she usually felt less burnt out when she did sleep then when she did, it was one of her little odd qualities.

She turned on her CD player, letting the sound of the music carry her away. She didn't like to sleep, but she did like to dream. She'd actually gotten very good at daydreaming, or rather at directing her daydreams towards one thing or another, she always seemed to end up with one certain picture in her head. It was of a guy with blue eyes like ice and hair dyed to match them. He was taller then her, evidence of which she could tell by the fact that he had to lean down to kiss her. He was tanned and very handsome, at least to her he was. She sighed, wishing this was more then just her daydream, wishing this guy was a real person. She didn't know how she'd come up with the picture of this guy in her mind, but she had. She leaned back on her char as she let this elaborate working of her imagination to take hold of her, while still making sure she could still hear the music so that she knew that she wasn't completely asleep. She didn't want this daydream to suddenly turn into a nightmare like they always did when she was actually asleep. And she didn't want to lose the picture her mind was building around the music, she didn't want to loose the picture of this dream guy, not until she had to at least.

Before she even knew what was going on her alarm clock sounded, telling her that she actually had to get her ass in gear and get ready for school. She sighed again and opened her eyes, automatically drawing herself back into the real world. She wished she could spend more time in her fantasy, wished that she could just stay there and never return to reality, reality sucked.