The demon of within.
It comes for me again,
Searching for a gap,
Pushing for a breach.
It comes from inside,
Whilst my defenses are turned to the outside.
How can I fight a war on two fronts,
Why must I fight at all.
I do not understand why I live,
Why I am,
Why I must find out who I am,
Why I must fight myself,
But I must fight as it is who I am.
I fight to better myself,
Yet I do so for myself.
How can I fight my dark with darkness,
Is there nothing its chaos cannot taint.
I can never win a fight against myself,
For then I would not be myself but someone else.
There are no answers to anything I ask but more questions,
I can not fight it as it ties me up so.
Why must I try and better myself it tells me,
What purpose do I fight it for,
Why not side with it and fight my light.
It leaves my keep of resolution ransacked with every new question,
Yet I must fight that much I know.
Fight what and why it whispers,
Why fight me it says,
You can not conquer yourself it cries.
I must ignore it.
Yet what are you it probes,
Are you not me and I am you it offers,
Why turn yourself against what you are it questions.
I shall fight you.
It laughs and leaves for a while,
I know it will return.
Its laughter echoes in my soul and I find a reason,
I must fight for my soul.
Why not have a life times bliss it slithers,
Yet I can answer that for once,
A life times bliss for eternal agony I will not have that.
It cries out and gathers up its strength,
Ye gods its power is unfathomable,
It curls around me and intertwines in me,
It tears me apart saying it is my fault,
This is my greatest foe,
The demon of my own heart.
I must send out my own forces to fight against the impossible,
I know its hordes are too great and its power too strong,
Yet I will fight it.
It withdraws yet I know it shall return.
The first battle of wills is won yet I tire already,
The campaign has not even begun.
This is the war for the soul,
The greatest and most bloody of all.
In it every explosion is an implosion,
For everything that is felled a part of me falls,
I must destroy myself for my soul.
Is it worth the price,
This suicidal, masochistic sacrifice.
I know not but I must fight,
For that is the purpose of my life.
Sorry about the length just once I started….