Revenge of the Flamed

Jenashu: Anyone who has been flamed will appriciate this!!! First I'll start out with some actual flames I've recieved or seen, then I'll tell you what to say to the evil flamer. *cackle* Remember, always send an e-mail to a person who flamed you with a copy of their flame. Teach them not to flame mindlessly. Important: CONSTRUCTIONAL CRITISM IS AN EXCEPTION. If the flamer is trying to help, take it into consideration next time you write. It's the best way to improve. Now that that's cleared up, let's move on to the madness!

Flame: You made Izzy look weak he ain't weak he LOC.
Jen: First of all, someone who speaks ebonics has no buisness insulting me. If you're going to insult me, USE PROPER ENGLISH!!!!!!! And what the heck is LOC? Enlighten me, for I don't speak the Idiot language.
Conclusion: If you ever get a flame from a person that speaks (or at least writes) like this, send them a message like the one above and then forget about it. Anyone who insults your writing while theirs is so terrible does not deserve your time. Now let's see what you would say to that flame if it was written properly.

Flame: You made Izzy look weak in your fic and he is not.
Jen: I'll consider that when I write the next part.
Conclusion: This person was polite and it seems like they are trying to help you. Of course, your writing style is superb and they're way wrong, but give them some credit for attempting to help. Flames like the one above are the fun ones to answer, but be able to recognize and appriciate constructional critisim.

Flame: This fic is gay.
Jen: How dare you probe into the personal life of my fic?! For your information, she is going steady with a hunky boy fic. Perv!
Conclusion: Hehehehe...

Flame: How dare you write a fic about Bob and not include Betty?!
Jen: Don't you have anything better to complain about? I'll make sure to kill Betty off in my next fic just for you.
Conclusion: Someone who complains about a certain character not being in your fic obviously doesn't have anything constructional to do with their time! Be blunt!

Flame: HOW DARE YOU KILL BETTY, YOU &#?!*$!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jen: I did it just to annoy you. Be sure to clean your mouth out or wash your filthy hands as soon as possible so as to not infect others with you dirty language. It may also prevent you from spreading your stupidity!!!!
Conclusion: Never let anyone cuss at you and get away with it...

Flame: I hate original characters! Especially yours!!!
Jen: Oh, cry me a river and build a bridge across it. Go ahead and read about the same old boring people over and over. Your mind obviously can't handle a refreashing change.
Conclusion: No one, I repeat NO ONE can get away with insulting my original characters, and you shouldn't let them get away with insulting yours! Chances are, your original character is more pleasant than them anyway...

Flame: It's Mishiro, not Jenshiro!!! How dare you mess with my favorite couple?!
Jen: How dare you waste my time with your whining?! If you like Mishiro so much, next time read a fic about them making out and save me the time of writing to you!
Conclusion: No one insults Jenshiro!!! GRRNESS!!

Flame: You got the facts all wrong! Get them right!
Jen: If you kept track with current events concerning the government and court, you would know that facts are constantly being manipulated. What you see as facts can be turned into lies. Or you could be just plain wrong. Try to keep up with the times, as sad as they are.
Conclusion: Sometimes it's fun to play with people's minds...

Flame: Why don't you use words that people use commonly?! This is driving me crazy.
Jen: Obviously you are terse. Some variety of panacea can possibly rememdy that, but it's not irrefutable. Get off your corpulent butt and procure a dictionary.
Conclusion: They annoyed you, so you can annoy them. All's fair in love and especially war!

Flame: You're just a sucky writer. Your style stinks!
Jen: Hark! An insult is yonder on the horizon! The rosy-fingered child of dawn crawls over the great globe, bringing tidings of a great stupidity! (PS: That would be you, in case you didn't gather as much...)
Conclusion: Well, they seemed like they wanted an elegant writing style...hehehe!

Flame: This just stinks.
Jen: All my fics use deoderant and wash daily. You must have been smelling your own stench. Ergh, I was right- get away from me before I puke!
Conclusion: Ya gotta love a literalist!

Flame: Your fic is really bad.
Jen: Obviously understanding a work of art in literature is beyond you. I'm so sorry for you.
Conclusion: Never let anyone just say your work is bad. If they can't tell you why they don't like it in a helpful way, they're just a jerk. Do your worst when replying to their flame.

Flame: This is the worst plot I've ever seen!
Jen: Yeah, I know, my garden needs some work. You don't have to rub it in, jerk!
Conclusion: Puns are the ultimate weapon. In case you didn't get it, a plot also refers to a piece of land that's usually used for growing a garden. I bet the flamer will be confused when they get this!!

Well, that's about all the flames I've seen. Remember, if you get into an e-mail brawl with someone because of this, I take no responsibility!!! *sweatdrop* Anyway, don't let flames get to you. If people can't express their opinions in a helpful way, then they probably aren't very pleasant at all, so don't even worry about them! Finally, it would be kinda stupid to flame me for this one, for obvious reasons!!!