AN: This is one of those poems that makes so much sense, and sounds SO much better when its read to you by the author. But since I, for obvious reasons, can't read this to you, I am trying something special. I am going to try to explain in brackets how it would sound if this were being read to you (yeah…). If you don't feel like reading them, then don't. But don't be surprised if it is crappy with out the bracket things (or if its really crappy with the brackets). Either way, the poem is supposed to be read really fast paced and there are purposely few punctuation marks because of that fact. Enjoy! And as another little mental note, I made up three of the words in this (as in, they don't exist). If you find them, your smart.

---

[begins somewhat slowly and eloquently. Almost kind of sarcastically too.]

I am drowning in the sorrow that rains from the empty rivers of my cold harsh soul.

[enter sigh and quickened pace]

But I know I prove myself wrong with every breath that escapes my [pause] contradictory body.

[much quicker pace, still somewhat cynical sounding and without stopping]

I've done things that I know are not how I truly feel and I have felt the burning touch of someone who is not the person whose [bit slower and if to be thoughtful] name/image/and [becoming faster] all other forms fills my somewhat [pause] off [pause] self-conscious which seems to be spilling all too often into my peculiar train of thought.

[in that tone you use when you ask a question that you intend yourself on answering]

But what can I say, this person radiates all that makes the world worth living

[continued in the breath thing but in a listing tone]

Charm, grace, humor, beauty, sympathy, kindness, love and loveliness

[in a tone that is as if to say 'duh!']

What more could a person ask for?

[sharp and bitterly]

However.

A mere strand of [slowly as if not sure of the correct word to use] something [continued as before] separates me from the object of my incredibly odd affection of which they may or may not have picked up on in these past few years. [somewhat sadly] Unfortunately there is not an implement in the world that can even dent that abhorable strand of [more irritated and fast] I don't even care to think of what lest I wear my teeth down chewing at it [very short pause] like it chews at my sanity.

[one of those tones you'd use when you are speaking through a forced smile.. like a feigned cheeriness thing]

And what a cruel though obviously expected coincidence that that very person of whose name has to this day been spoken to one and one alone in this pretence happens to be skipping merrily through  my mind causing errors and skips in my train of though like those obnoxious scratches in CD's that just happen to be at your [emphasis] favorite place in your [emphasis] favorite song on your [less, but still emphasis] favorite CD [continued in same breath] but alas, I take all that back as it would be speaking illly of my perfect… hm… It seems I have the chance to use that dreaded [darkly[ "l" word [back to the norm] that everyone's talking about [skeptically] but I doubt anyone has actually felt.

[thoughtfully]

Now there is something to abhor, that word that bares down on today's teen saying [giddily] "use me! use me!" and they do because they are brain washed by that feeling that isn't strong enough to be that [forced bitterly] freakin' word but it wants so badly to be. [with a sigh] But I've gotten off track…

[thoughtfully again]

Wouldn't you know that I am blessed with seeing this impish angel nearly every day. It makes it so hard to tell myself that its useless to feel this way when staring is so freaking convincing that I cant even think of releasing myself from the adoration and…[with sudden realization and then hesitation] geh.. [awkwardly] feeling of great like ([murmured] for I will avoid that stupid word at all costs) [as if to get back on track and disregard the mumbling] ahem that is controlling me and my thoughts

[irritatedly though not really.. as if your giving into an adversary unwillingly]

Skip, skip yeah, yeah I see you, you can stop mocking me and my cursed mind you [adoringly and sorta romantically] adorable treasure that I'd have to be senseless to ignore. Yes it upsets me to no fathomable extent knowing that that still angering strand of evil is and will (unless I am suddenly given a reason to believe in God. Or if I just happen to be freakin' lucky) always keep me from the one that [sorta as if to be to myself but obviously to the audience] I honestly wouldn't mind playing out some of my fantasies that will remain unmentioned for the sake of coloring my face (and Im sure others) a deep rosy hue. [cynically] Though I suppose I wouldn't dare dream of living those fantasies with my, insert word in place of that word I refuse to say, [back on track] since corruption of the innocent ([with surprise] and it seems that I am suddenly thought to be on that list??) may as well be a federal offense.

[with several sighs and such]

And I shall end where I began, with the dry liquids filling my lungs through my mind as they leak illegally from my somewhat thawing soul. [almost sadly and guiltily] I hope you got the message.

1.7.03

12:50 AM

Sorry bout all that. Please let me know if you feel like strangling me because of the brackets. And yeah..