Fear

Shaking, trembling, body and soul.
Resolve crumbles to ash, fall t'ward that dark hole.
A rage at my madness, fear of what I've become,
But I may speak no more. I am mute, struck dumb.

Silent, I howl, can't tell those I need.
They're sick of my pain... and it's making me bleed.
Alone with my terror, already filled with self-hate,
Won't make it worse, they can't know... it's too late.

A spasm grips me, as I approach the abyss.
Some part wants to stop me, to save me from this.
But salvation a path I have no strength left to walk,
Alone I face it, and I cowardly balk.

Dare not get the help I so desperately need.
Too scared by myself, to go, do the deed.
Afraid of the truth, problems viewed in the day.
And to share pain once more, though 'tis the only way.

So I have no hope, will die without aid.
Yet too disturbed to get help... I am too afraid.
Terror comes again, and I resort to a knife;
Takes just blood this time... but it longs for my life.