Frozen Tears

Hey everybody! Just so you all know, all the characters, plots and stuff are all made up by me. So I hope you like it. By the way, the names might be confusing but if you see the name Ikki, it's suppose to be Kai because I changed the name so I might've misses a few. Please R/R Thanx! ^_^

Chapter 1: Mirror of Past

Genre: Angst/Romance

Rating: PG-13

Summary: I'm still alive… but I'm not living. I'm still breathing… but I'm no longer feeling. I'm still here… but only as an empty shell. Because I died a long time ago; ever since he went away…

I sat on the ground, as freezing chilly rain fell all around. It was a chilly September afternoon and I've sat here, in the park for nearly a day now. I had a lot on my mind, as that hateful memory pierced my heart once again, shattering the remaining pieces of my already broken heart. Why? Why am I sitting outside in the rain? Why do I feel so much pain? Why did it have to happen? Why did it have to be me? I searched for these answers and failed, leaving the feeling of emptiness. I seriously needed to talk to someone, to stop myself from hurting; others, and myself, but I had no one to turn to. I was all alone…and the only person who can stop this pain is the exact person who's causing it. They say 'no man or woman is worth your tears and the only one who is will never make you cry'. Such a wise statement…but where do you turn when the only person in the world who can stop you from crying is the exact person who is making you cry? I pondered these questions in my head before it was just too much! I wanted to escape! I wanted this pain to stop! So here I am sitting outside in the freezing rain, still thinking things over. Maybe the rain will wash the emptiness away…maybe it'll wash the confusion away…maybe it'll wash all my problems away…maybe… But one thing is for sure; it was cooling me down and keeping me sane. I remember the September 9 years ago…everything seemed perfect at the beginning of the year. After all, it was our last year in high school and we were going to be finally old enough to do whatever we want. But that year was also our hardest year, at least for my best-friend Angel. She had finally met the guy of her dreams and for the first time, she experienced love, not lust. Fate however had another plan for Tom (Angel's boyfriend), a plan to teach Angel that she couldn't have everything in life. Tom died on Valentine's Day because of his cancer and that had a big impact on Angel's life. I remember the sympathetic looks everyone gave her…and I remember Angel trying to be strong. She yelled at everybody who showed a slight sign of pity for her, and most people thought she was crazy; but now I understood how she felt, because that year changed my life as well. When Angel finally decided to move on with her life and carry Tom forever in her heart, it was near the end of the school year. I thought nothing else would go wrong…but that was an understatement. Before I went to university, I wanted to visit my cousins and my other best friend, Kai. Actually, Kai was one of my cousin's (Taylor) friends, but since I visited my cousins every summer, I got to know Taylor's friends really well and somehow Kai became one of my closest friends. As I recall, it was the last day of my stay at my cousins', and Kai came to say goodbye to me. I noticed he was acting really weird this summer, always trying to avoid me. He was kind of uncomfortable when he was around me, but I never expected what he did that night. We were sitting on the porch of the back yard having our final goodbyes. And somehow there was an awkward silence between Kai and I that was never there before. Usually we could talk and laugh about totally unimportant things for hours and there wouldn't be a single pause in between our conversations. Saying goodbye at the end of the summer was something we did every year when I came to visit, but somehow this year was different… The silence made me feel uncomfortable so I started a forced conversation, "So…" I started, "Are you going to run your dad's company like he wants you to?" Kai looked at me but turned away quickly not saying anything. I suddenly felt really angry that he was not holding up his end of the conversation. So I decided to force him to talk to me, "So are you going to run the company or continue school?" I tried to say calmly Again Kai didn't answer and this time I couldn't stay calm. I was never known for patience and this time when I spoke, my voice betrayed my anger, "Are you going to answer me or just sit here all night in silence?" "I'm sorry." Kai said very lightly, and he was avoiding my eyes. I felt very worried because Kai never apologized to anyone before, even if he was wrong. "Is something wrong?" I asked him sounding worried, "C'mon Kai, you know you can talk to me."

"Nothing." Kai said quickly

"But you're not acting like yourself." I argued

"You don't have to know every single detail of my life!" Kai said angrily.

I was offended by what Kai said, I didn't know he wanted me out of his life, and for the first time I noticed how annoying I sounded. I didn't realize that he was troubled and wanted to be alone. After all, even if he was my best friend, I knew he still felt that someone 3 years younger than him couldn't understand how he felt and that's why he never discussed anything important with me. He never told me that he felt this way, but I could tell and his actions tonight proved it. So to give him his space, I stood up quietly and started to head inside.

"Meeka," Kai said suddenly grabbing my arm to stop me from going inside, "I'm sorry if you were offended by what I said…I didn't mean to be rude." There was a pleading tone in his voice as he continued, "It's just that there are some things that I rather keep to myself and I hope you understand. Please…come back and sit down." Even though I wanted to escape from this awkwardness, I did as I was told and sat down beside him once more.

He took a minute or two thinking things over and somehow; I had a feeling I didn't want to know what's troubling him, so I said, "If you're not ready to talk to anybody, that's fine. I understand that, so why don't you think about it some more and we'll talk later."

I stood up once more heading inside and again; Kai grabbed my arm and mumbled something that sounded very much like 'I don't have much time.' "There's something I wanna ask you."  He sighed before he continued, "Do you like me…as more than a friend?"

I was so shocked that Kai would ask me something like this and to tell you the truth, this thought never occurred to me. Before I recovered from my shock, he moved forward and I felt his lips on mine. It took a few seconds before I realized what had happened, and suddenly, I pulled back. I pushed him away and did the first thing that came to my mind…run!