I stumble my way in the dark,
black curtains block out the light.
I try to stick to a path,
a safe, painless route.
will I place all my hopes,
my dreams, words, thoughts
on a pedestal;
just to find it isn't there.
was there ever really a place,
where I trusted all my emotions to be safe,
or did I just never really have any?

I grope my way about this dark,
black curtains block out the light.
I feel my way
following a trace
a feeling,
I cant see.
Am I really feeling?
what is it to feel?
is it all just a sick joke?
am I just a puppet to be controlled?
no choices to be made,
our paths carved out in stone,
showing us where we must go.

I refuse to accept
that fate is behind all my decisions.
I'll slit the bonds with the shards
of hope once had.
Ill cut this puppets strings.

I will not fight the urge to feel.
I will be, whatever I choose to be.
Nothings gonna stop me.
Erase my name
forget my face.
No matter what I am to you
Im never gonna change,
to be exactly what you want me to.
I'll always be the same.

I stumble my way through the dark.
Searching for answers that aren't there.
none to be found.
nothing to behold.
all of a sudden I hear a sound
A distant voice.
vaguely soothing
calming all my fears.
the emotional whirlwind that lies beneath,
scarred layers of my pale skin.

I move,
an act not so much out of free will,
but something that could quench,
my need to cling.
but no matter how far I reach,
how hard I try,
the destination can not be found.
Is it really there,
or merely a projection,
of what my mind thinks I need to hear.
Some guidance,
A comfort to help along,
to cushion my feet;
cut as I walk along life's painful path.
Or maybe just a power,
something I can rebel against.

Everything is black as night,
not sure anymore if anything is real.
I open my eyes,
regain my sight.
Standing in front of me,
a girl, so empty.
eyes rimmed in dark black.
Only I know the hell that lays behind,
the makeup and skin.
my clever disguise.

An unlovable horror.
Is this what Ive become?
I resist the urge to shut my eyes,
and make this all go away.
it still wont go away.
I feel a tear slide down my cheek,
an expression of my pain.
The girl in front of me stays still,
no emotion shown.
Yet when I reach up to wipe away my despair,
her hand swipes at a dry face.
Maybe the tear was never there,
just an image created by my mind.
A subconcious illusion.
maybe we just imagine that we feel,
an untrue image,
to make us seem real.