Ah Kum: The Sea Monkey?? Series: POW (Am I the only author in the history of authorizing to write a fic on my own series??)

Summary: Bishounen has a problem, which is an everyday thing for Bishounen, but this time it's a big, scary problem.well, a SMALL, scary one.anyway, his dear wife, Ah Kum, has been turned into a sea monkey. (A really cute one with four little blonde pigtails that he keeps on his dresser.but besides that.) He needs to turn her back because the wrath of her mom grows painful, since she blames him for it, even though he didn't really do anything. (I mean, how can Bishounen turn people into sea monkeys? I never gave him that power! He has Sword of Death and.you know.he can do normal fighting stuff.but Sea Monkey Power is not his! Actually, I think that Brownie has that one.but THAT is another story altogether.) ANYWAY, he hasta turn for help SOMEWHERE, but where does he turn? Who does he have to resort to? Would Ah Kum be happier as a sea monkey? Am I gonna reunite all the characters? Maybe.maybe not.^_^;;

Disclaimer: NOPE! SORRY! I DON'T HAFTA DISCLAIM A THING! IT IS 150% MINE!! (I do not own Saiya-jin, which is mentioned in the author note. I also don't own Filia or Xelloss, even though I love them both to pieces.)

Author Note: Please don't ask why I made an extremely sad (as in attempting to soothe my sad heart out of missing poor POW) fic. I just had a notion, and I wrote it. I could've done a fic that told about Bishounen's death, but I didn't, cuz I love you! So, just deal with it. __Crosses arms__

(Gosh, I hope the publisher doesn't read this, or he'll think I'm a freak or something!) __Runs out the door to get some Saiya-jin flavored ice cream while the horn pops out of her head and the spikes jut out of her back__

A young man in a trenchcoat walked down the street. He bore a sorrowful face and a mournful demeanor. His confused and helpless face gave away all that ate at him. He desired help, a way out. He needed consoling. He wished for sympathy or any kind of empathy someone might give him.

"Actually, I'm oh-kay," he mentioned to the Author.

"Shut up, Bishounen!" the Author shouted at him, tossing a lightning bolt at him for good measure. "If I say you are sorrowful, mournful, confused, and helpless, then you ARE."

"Yeah," he went on, mockingly, "and when you say, 'Jump!' I say, "How high?' "

She then glared at him and he chuckled nervously.

Anyway, this young man continued walking, worrying about the one he had left alone in his house, hoping she would be oh-kay, hoping that nothing would happen to her.

"SHE'S A FREAKING SEA MONKEY!!" Bishounen yelled, out of character. "NOTHING CAN HAPPEN TO A SEA MONKEY!!"

The Author teared up. "Bishy-chan no love Nova-chan anymore?" she wondered, pitifully.

"Aw, of course I love you, Nova-chan," he confirmed. "I just don't like this trenchcoat. I mean, it's July in POW world."

"Well, it's MARCH in my world."

"Yes, but it's really hot, Nova-chan," he hinted.

"Would you rather not hafta wear that bad, old trenchcoat, Bishy-chan?"

"Mm-hmm," he responded, cheerfully.

"Okie dokie!!" She snapped her fingers and Bishounen was transported into his boxer shorts. A little kid riding his bike pointed and laughed. An old woman blushed and ran away.

Bishounen facefaulted. "You hate me, don't you?"

"Bishy-chan! I love you! Don't say that! Shame on you! I really LOVE you!!"


Now that the Author had decided never to interfere again, Bishou.I mean the young man kept walking down the road toward a goal that wouldn't be reached, or at least in his mind it wouldn't.

He found himself at a hospital. He walked to the receptionist. "Excuse me," he said, "but could you find a doctor that I could speak with?"

"Well.let's see." she mumbled, looking through computer files. "The only one with no patients is on her break. But, I'm sure she won't mind. She's in the lounge. It's the fifth door on the left," she directed, pointing to a hallway.

"Arigato," he said.

He followed her directions before coming to a door that read, "Lounge."

"I hope this is it," he whispered, receiving several sweatdrops and facefaults from all the readers of the fic.

Inside, he didn't find something he liked.

"Spanx-san?" he nearly shrieked.

"Bishounen??" she exclaimed, in shock. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?? GO AWAY! NAMAGOMI!!"

"Hey!" Filia shouted from no where in particular. "That's MY line!"

"Yes," Xelloss agreed, also from no where. "It's HER line."

"You namagomi! Die!"

"I can't."

"Too bad!"

The two left, bickering all the way.

"Um.where was I?" Spanx wondered.

"Insulting me," Bishounen whispered.


"Spanx-san!" Bishounen cried, hurt. "You never hated me before!"

"Yes, but it builds up the plot," she whispered back.

"Oh, yes, sorry, I was up late trying to read as much of the script as possible, and you know how it is."

"Okay, anyway, what do you want, you stupid ouji?"

"Well.how is it that you get to be the doctor?"


"Gomen. It's.it's Ah Kum!" he exclaimed, in really bad dramatization, flinging his hand against his forehead. "She's been turned into.A SEA MONKEY!"

Spanx tried to control it, but burst out laughing. When she calmed down, she continued: "What do you want me to do about it?"

"Um.fix it?"

"Oh, all right. THIS IS SOOO OUT-OF-CHARACTER!!" she exclaimed. "Where is she?"

"In the fish bowl," he responded.

She laughed again. "Oh-kay, let's go."

They soon arrived at Bishounen's house. (It's actually Ah Kum's mom's house, but who cares? Oh, my goodness.they still live with her mother.and they have two kids.eee.) Um.well, they went inside. Bishounen cautiously walked in, waiting for the onslaught that was sure to occur.

"BISHOUNEN! BAKAYARO!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?? I WISH YOU WOULD'VE STAYED THERE!! GO AWAY! I DON'T WANT YOU HARRASSING MY POOR BABY ANYMORE!!" Sato- san screamed, while Chibi Bishoujo clung to her leg, quite enjoying her father's berating.

"Toussan!" she exclaimed. "I learned how to cook today!" She pointed to the kitchen, which was overflowing with dough.

"Really?" Bishounen asked, with big, googly hearts in his eyes. "That's wonderful, Bishie-chan!" (Reminds you of another father-daughter relationship, ne? -_^)

"Yup! Obaasan taught me!"

"Aw, that's real nice, Bishie!" he exclaimed. "How's Kaasan?"

"She's good!" the little girl with long, braided hair responded. "I fed her some sea flakes already, Toussan!"

"Good girl! I'm so puh-roud!" He paused to gently squeeze her. "I'm gonna go check on her, and Spanx-san is gonna help me try to fix her, k?"

"K!" the enthusiastic child cried.

Bishounen smiled at his daughter, as he ascended the stairs. He was so preoccupied by this that he walked right into Bishounen Jr.

"Bishounen?" he wondered.

"Bishounen?" his son wondered back.


They both inched away from each other and continued on their way.

Spanx stared after Bishy Jr. "That's creepy, Bishounen," she stated.

"Hai, hai it is." He cringed.

He stopped in front of a door that said, "Bishy's Room," decorated with little, doodled hearts and a really bad-looking unicorn, compliments of Jelly or Bishoujo.

"She's in here," he told Spanx.

"Do you guys not share a room?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Sato-san won't allow it!" he exclaimed, exasperated.

"Why don't you just move out?" Spanx suggested.

"She won't allow that either."

"Why don't you sneak out?"

"That isn't allowed either."

"You people are weird," she concluded. "Can I.you know, go in?"

"Of course," he answered, opening his door.

Bishounen's room: oh, what a joy to behold. There were big, fluffy, pink stuffed animals everywhere! The ceiling fan had a little heart cord hanging from it. About ten posters of rainbows (Eeee.) and flowers graced the walls. A VERY large picture of Bishoujo hung above the bed. The bed itself had been mauled by giant bunnies and marshmallowish bears.


"Don't ask."


They walked over to a corner of the room that was decked out in mirrors. A LOT of them. On a dresser that had somehow found its way to rest among Bishounen's gallery of himself, lay Ah Kum.in her fish tank.in a little shrimp-like body.swimming around in a mermaid outfit.


"Don't ask."


He tapped on the glass of the tank. "Ah Kum!" he shouted. "I'm back!"

She looked around until she saw Bishounen. She swam toward him, and ran right into the glass. Rubbing her head, she said, "Hi Bishounen!" which came out in a bubbly tone. "Hi Spanx! What's up?"

"He wants me to cure you," Spanx said, pointing at Bishounen, who had occupied himself with.himself.

"Oh, I'm so puh-retty." he mused.

"Can you weally fix me, Spanx-chan?" Ah Kum asked, with sparkily eyes.

"Yes," Spanx answered, bluntly.

"Really?" Ah Kum wondered, surprised.


The sea monkey sweatdropped.

"But I betcha that Flower can!" she came back, gleefully.

"I'll go call her," Bishounen announced, "and I'll be back soon." He ran out the door, but not before smacking into a wall that had been disguised as a way out. "Ow."

Three hours passed.

"Got any threes?"

"Go fish."

"I can't. There are no fish in here except me."

"Oh, yeah. Well, here. I'll just give you a card." Spanx slipped a little playing card into the tank with Ah Kum. Having given up on Bishounen ever returning, they had retired to gin rummy and go fish.

Footsteps could be heard out in the hall.

"I bet that's Bishounen with Flower now," Spanx said. Ah Kum nodded.

The door flew open to reveal Sato-san clutching a bent-over Bishounen's ear. "IS THIS EITHER OF YOURS??" she asked, in the huge GOD-TONE that she always uses. "I WAS ABOUT TO THROW IT OUT, BUT THOUGHT THAT SOMEONE MIGHT STILL WANT IT."

Ah Kum raised her hand. "It's mine, Mommy! It's mine!"

Bishoujo ran into the room. "It's mine too! I want it back!"

Bishounen sweatdropped. "When did I become an it?" he wondered.

"YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN AN IT," Sato-san told him.

"He was only trying to help me turn back to human, Mommy!" Ah Kum whined.

"REALLY? I COULD'VE DONE THAT." Sato-san shrugged and snapped her fingers. The glass broke as Ah Kum turned into a human girl.

She looked around, raised an eyebrow at Sato-san, then squealed, "Bishounen! Ai shiteru!"

"I love you, too, AK-kun," he said, warmly, trying to squirm his way out of Sato-san's grasp.

"Well, there's a lesson here somewhere," Bishoujo said, rubbing her chin. "And I have no idea what it is!"

"I think it's, 'Remember that Sato-san can do anything,' " Spanx said, dryly.

"THAT IS THE LESSON THAT EVERYONE SHOULD LEARN," Sato-san muttered, as she levitated and flew down there stairs, cackling madly.

"Ah Kum?" Bishounen wondered. "Your mom is scary."