Chapter 7 – Shay Guevara

Newscaster (NC): "Hello and welcome to Fox News Channel 6 Action New. We are here in Massachusetts for the impending civil war."

Governor (G): "I wouldn't categorise it as a civil war.

NC: "How would you categorise it?"

G: "A minor disagreement."

NC: "Daniel Shay and his rebels are marching on the arsenal at Springfield. Does that sound like a minor disagreement?"

G: "They are?"

NC: "Yes. We have a reporter embedded with the rebels."

G: "Excuse me for a moment." (TO AIDE) "Send the troops to the arsenal at Springfield." (TO NC) "Sorry, about that. What was your question?"

NC: "Do you think that a bunch of disgruntled farmers marching on an arsenal intent on bringing down the government really sounds like a minor disagreement?"

G: "Well, I suppose you could describe it as heated disagreement."

NC: "I'm going to have to stop you there Governor. We're getting reports of clashes in Springfield between the rebels and State militia. We now go over live to Bill Johnson who is embedded with the rebels. Bill, what's happening?"

Bill Johnson (BJ): "Well, Bill, State militia have launched a surprise attack on the farmers as they marched on the arsenal. The fighting has been extremely intense with heavy casualties on both sides, with possibly as many as many as seven people dead. Also the State militia has accidentally destroyed an orphanage. Back to you Bill."

NC: "Thank you, Bill. Governor, your troops have destroyed an orphanage, how do you respond?"

G: "Oops."

NC: "Would you care to elaborate on that?"

G: "Our bad."

NC: "Thank you, Governor. I'm just hearing that we have the leader of the rebels, Daniel Shay, standing by. Over to Bill Smith."

Bill Smith (BS): "Thank you, Bill. I do indeed have Daniel Shay with me. Mr Shay, you are the leader of this rebellion, are you not?"

Daniel Shays (DS): "Actually it's Shays."

BS: "What is?"

DS: "My name."

BS: "What do you mean?"

DS: "It's Shays instead of Shay."

BS: "As in more than one Shay or this belongs to Shay?"

DS: "Neither. Its just Shays. S, H, A, Y, S. Shays."

NC: "What's Shay saying, Bill?"

BS: "He says his name is Shays not Shay."

NC: "As in more than one Shay or this belongs to Shay?"

BS: "Neither. Its just Shays. S, H, A, Y, S. Shays."

NC: "Well, there you have it. A Fox News Channel 6 Action News world exclusive. Daniel Shay is, in fact, named Shays. Good work, Bill."

BS: "Thank you, Bill."

NC: "I am joining in the studio by the leader of the anti-war movement. George Washington welcome."

George Washington (GW): "Hello."

NC: "Mr Washington, you feel that the state of Massachusetts is engaged in an illegal and immoral war against Daniel Shays's freedom fighters?"

GW: "Yes. Also the Governor of Massachusetts is the half-brother of a Badger."

NC: "Do you have any evidence for that?"

GW: "No."

NC: "O…Kay. Thank you, Mr Washington. Now back to our embedded reporter Bill Johnson. Bill?"

BJ: "No, aim for their heads. Oh, hello Bill, what do you want?"

NC: "Do you have anything else to report?"

BJ: "Not really."

NC: "Are you sure? We've got another 23 hours to fill."

BJ: "Sorry, nothing new to report."

NC: "Couldn't you make something up?"

BJ: "Err…okay. I'm getting reports that a giant badger has entered the field of battle."

NC: "A giant badger?"

BJ: "Yes."

NC: "That's the best you could do?"

BJ: "I think he may be related to the Governor of Massachusetts."

NC: "Well, that's good enough for me. Fox News Channel 6 Action News has now confirmed that the Governor of Massachusetts has a badger as a half-brother. More on that story after these messages."