Spinning Out Of Control

Three men walk on stage.

CNN and Fox always turn to BBC when he is speaking.

BBC: Welcome to the BBC's 11 o'clock news.

CNN: You're watching CNN; this is the six o'clock news.

FOX: This is fox news; the time now is six o'clock

BBC: Our headline today is Iraq.

CNN: Tonight we discuss the problems with Iraq.

FOX: We'll be reading my hate mail but first, the upcoming war with Iraq.

BBC: The UN are continuing their investigations.

CNN: Careful treading for the UN inspectors.

FOX: The suicidal UN inspectors are STILL in Iraq.

BBC: Today finding canisters that are able to hold nuclear components, however these components were not found.

CNN: In the news, UN inspectors found canisters that could have been used for nuclear weapons.

FOX: Whoa, big surprise here folks, UN inspectors found unarmed nuclear weapons.

BBC: In a recent poll, one out of four Americans approves the war with Iraq.

CNN: Statistics indicate that a vast majority of Americans agree with President Bush's war proposal.

FOX: Stats! Three outta four Americans wanna bomb Iraq, that does include babies and the elderly, wake up generation x, uncle Sam is talking to you.

BBC: Discussions at the UN continued. Today a reprehensive of France was quoted at the press conference saying "To those saying time is running out, I say till what?"

CNN: Talks behind the closed doors at the UN were held today, they will end later this week.

Fox (Mocking tone): France, France, France, are you croissant stuffers to busy painting your toe nail to help us and other nations fight the middle east. Add one more to the axis of evil. BBC: President Bush's state of the union addresses announced many plans that may cost more then currently possible. The US's deficit is now in the billions.

CNN: The successful state of the union address called for more programs, this will lead to an improved economy and lower the deficit.

Fox: With Bush's new plans going through congress tensions are running high. As they should be, if they fail the economy will fall further. By the way, you might want to get a place in the bread line now.

BBC: Today protesters in Boston laid down on a city road. Police arrived shortly, few arrests were made.

CNN: Violent protesters blocked a road in Boston, luckily police were there to stop them, tear gas was used to break up the riots.

Fox: Hey Bill, can we play the clip with the people getting hit by tear gas again. (Laughs) it gets better every time.

BBC: In other news, a recent editorial in the New York times cretin American news organizations have been airing questionable content.

CNN: While the great American ARMY protects our valued freedoms, another large news organization has aired unsettling images.

Fox: Hey Bill, play that one more time.

BBC: Many violent outbursts have continued since September 11th 2001.

CNN: People are asking why have so many terrorists attacks have happened in the past year.

Fox: What is up with these terrorist attacks?

BBC: But who is truly at fault.

CNN: Who can really take the blame?

Fox: Someone must be doing something wrong.

BBC: There is no clear answer.

CNN: Iraq.

Fox: SUV's.

BBC: Moving on, a series of speed bumps will be placed in London streets.

CNN: A series of speed.bumps.umm.

Fox: Saddam is building a giant speed bump, wait, what?

BBC: A dog nearly caused an accident when it ran across a busy street, no injuries occurred.

CNN: We'll be right back.

FOX: What? I can do spin but I'm not that good.

BBC: A law was recently passed that will lower taxes to employers offering dental plans.

From now on, CNN and fox look at each other.

CNN: Thank you for watching America's number one news station.

Fox: You're watching America's favorite news station.

BBC: London's local forecast, cloudy with a chance of showers.

CNN: There's no better place to turn to for up to date info then the number one rated news station.

Fox: We've got secrete photos of Sadam's home. (Looks down, snickers) You are now watching Americas number one rated news station.

BBC: In farming news, there will be a beet shortage this summer.

CNN: We have an interview with a person who witnessed operation desert storm. (Laughs a little) This is the highest rated news origination in the country.

Fox: Later on we'll have a former general appearing for an interviews (waits for ratings) as well as the latest gossip on J-Lo, (snickers) thank you America.

BBC: Shiver Rinchinson's newest book will be released in one mouth.

CNN: We've got Sean Pen's views on the war with Iraq on Larry King Live.

Fox: Coming up we'll have Steven Spielberg with clips of his new movie.

BBC: There has been a recent boost of job openings for teachers, this due to the strikes over the northern side.

CNN: Also, how a war with Iraq can help you earn money.

Fox: Further in the hour well tell you how the upcoming war can help you with your pick up lines.

BBC: New buildings in popular cities will be built by the postal service next year, this to improve the current mail status.

CNN: Breaking news, president may make a statement, for further information stay tuned.

Fox: Breaking news, first shots fired in the war with Iraq!

BBC: In sports, Gand beats Lutheran in a close rugby game, 5 to 4.

CNN: We are now hearing false reports about fighting breaking out.

Fox: Tanks and troops are firing at each other!

BBC: A new study reports that the majority of men prefer jam over jelly.

CNN: Let me remind people that no (looks at fox) fighting(looks at fox) taking (looks at fox). Fighting has just erupted in Iraq.

Fox: We take you now to the fighting (looks of stage) green screen, no green screen, I'm wearing a blue shit, that's why!

BBC: A crocodile was recently placed in the London zoo.

CNN: Soldiers are storming the battlefront, blowing away any part of the weak Iraqi men.

Fox: Bullets are flying everywhere; I believe I just saw a missile.

BBC: A new flavor of Ice Cream is now being marketed; raspberry road is a mix of rocky road with raspberries.

CNN: The awesome power of the American army is being proven!

Fox: That was a nuclear missile! They are firing nuclear bombs.

BBC: We'll be right back, after a word from meow mix.

CNN: Mere bullets destroy the opposing tanks!

Fox: Nuclear explosions left and right! Luckily I'm in a clear bomb shelter.

BBC: And now onto entertainment.

CNN: Saddam is running scared from the black Hawk helicopters!

Fox: It looks like the apocalypse folks!

BBC: This will increase the price of shoes.

CNN: There is now hope for the country of Iraq!

FOX: It seems they have run out of bombs, dear god, Saddam is using his evil mind powers to bring the sun closer.

BBC: A magazine tax will begin in two weeks.

CNN: The castle of Saddam has collapsed; president bush is crawling from the ruble!

Fox: The heat is destroying cites all over the world, there is no hope for this planet!

BBC: A man was arrested today after he refused to move his car out of the middle of an intersection.

CNN: And president bush is pulling someone from underneath, its Osama Bin Ladin! We've done it! The war on terrorism is over; the president has Osama in one hand and Saddam in the other!

Fox: The world will end in a few minutes, when the sun will crash into the earth ending the human race! Dear god why must it end this say!

BBC: That concludes our broadcast, good night.

CNN: Thank you for watching CNN, stay tuned for Larry King.

Fox: That's all for today, stay tuned for celebrity justice.