Doesn't she understand she lives lies?

She's lives so many lies and she doesn't even understand it. She tries to justify them with religion that her own thoughts and beliefs are true and aren't just made up fairy tales that are excuses for being hateful

Why doesn't she know this?

Is it because she wants to believe that she can save herself from reality? Does she think if she lives in this make believe world when she dies she will go to heaven and be happy? I think so. But maybe she should die. Maybe she will find heaven then. But for now she is living. She needs to find a peace and happiness in her existence, and stop thinking about death.

What's so wrong about it too? Who the hell made up this rule a long time ago that love was limited to a man and a woman? Did someone sit it down one day and make it list out what was allowed and what wasn't? I thought love had no boundaries? I thought that's what made having it in life so desirable?

She desires love as she desires life; she needs love like she needs air. But it never comes, choking her. Just choking….

Her tears won't survive her long, and she goes to her backyard and makes a place to die. She hopes she will find heaven afterward, but instead she will find nothing. There will be no heaven, there will be no hell. She will find that she was wrong. That in the end she should have chosen life… instead of death.