Public service announcement: This will not serve the public. These batty characters are my creation entirely, as is the interesting progression of their lives. If someone does not like the way I refer to living people, e.g. Ozzy Osbourne, it's all a joke, OK? I do not think that Ozzy Osbourne is the enemy of bats the world over. I have no opinion on the matter at all. It just made for an interesting and crap storyline. So please do not complain. And yes I do know that everything on here is rubbish: End of public service announcement

Day 1

After a long flight I have finally arrived in England. It is raining and my wings hurt from travelling across the Atlantic. A kind English gentleman has taught me to speak English and is going to take me to Cambridge. It isn't fair. Why couldn't I stay with my friends or go to Princeton with Johnny? It's nice and warm in America, or so he says. Maybe it'll be nicer at Cambridge. Oh well, better go there now; I need to get my application in soon.
Day 2

I have sent in my application to Cambridge. I am now waiting for a reply. Johnny sent me an e-mail about how he has been rejected from Princeton on the grounds of his species. He is distraught over this blatantly obvious specieism on their part and has decided to sue them for it. However, he is finding it very difficult to get a lawyer so that his case can go ahead. He is now very upset about the common American specieism. In light of this, things suddenly look rather bleak for me. Perhaps the English are less specieist than their American counterparts. I shall now commence waiting for a reply from Cambridge.
Day 3

I cannot believe this. They have rejected my application, just like they rejected Johnny's. It isn't fair! I want to go to Cambridge! It's just because I'm a fruitbat, I mean honestly, they say they are opposed to racism, but what about specieism?! I will inform Johnny of this outrageous incident. Aside from this shocking news, I have found England an exciting and interesting place. The humans here squeal and shout at the most minute amount of rainfall. They would probably shoot themselves back in the rainforest. I find it very amusing to watch them complaining about their natural climate. It is also strange to see the way they entertain themselves, they sit in an enclosed space watching a "seeing-box" which emits bizarre lights and pictures. One thing that the males seem to get very excited about is "Football", an exercise in which several men chase a ball around an area of grass whilst shouting and swearing. I don't like it very much myself, although I do rather like chasing things and shouting.
Day 14

Perhaps I should have written a little more in here but, well, I have been rather busy lately. I went to a "BATS ONLY" party and met some wonderful English bats. They agreed to help me get my revenge on the people at Cambridge. They are afraid of bats due to a strange story about a blood sucking monster called Christopher Lee, I mean Dracula, who had the ability to turn into a vampire bat at will. Of course, humans being as naive as they are, they would not be able to tell a vampire bat from a ball of fluff with fangs, so we flew in through their window (odd hole in wide, flat, tree-like object) and dived at their faces, performing an act of environmentally-friendly natural bombing as we went. They were absolutely terrified, and we can't even get arrested for it because we are "lesser beings"! That showed 'em. Mwahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa....etc.
Day 21

I apologise profusely but I must confess that I really only write in this diary when I have nothing better to do. A bat has to live, you know. Anyway, down to business, the Cambridge people have threatened legal action. When we received this news we sent them a letter explaining that there was no law against bats attacking university staff because bats are merely bats, they are wild animals which do not know any better, they would not understand a court case. We also pointed out that this was the very reason that I was denied a fine education. They are extremely angry but we need not fear, there is nothing more they can do. Unless they go on a bat hunt. Oh dear, I won't be able to sleep tonight. I must hire a bodyguard.
Day 23

I was attacked. I am still trembling with shock and fear. The Cambridge people came and found me hanging upside-down from a tree, having my daily sleep. They tried to catch me and they brought the staff from the local zoo with them. They saw that I was foreign and tried to catch me in a net. These humans cannot abide foreign creatures so they catch them and put them in cages under the pretence of "conservation"! I met several young penguins from South Africa who were living on a concrete lump next to a tank, and they were being observed by curious young humans. This is a sick and twisted country.
Day 30

Oh dear oh dear oh dear. I have just been watching television (odd seeing- boxes mentioned in a previous entry) in a television shop. Ozzy Osbourne is going to be touring England. Oh no no no no no no! I remember the day when he decapitated that poor defenceless bat...it was barbaric. My family have never managed to get over such an act of senseless cruelty. And now he has come to England to "perform"! What am I going to do? What if he finds me? I am so frightened, maybe this is how the Cambridge people are trying to get payback....but how could they afford it? I suppose my friends and I will need to find a base and monitor Ozzy's actions to prevent another homicide. I am surprised that the police did not interfere after the incident...but then, he was "only a bat."
Day 31

We have formed an organisation of unified bats, which is now growing rapidly since we e-mailed every bat sanctuary in the country. We now have departments up and down England. Bats everywhere have got the necessary equipment to monitor the movements of cruel popstars. Ozzy Osbourne is not the only one. Oh no, now we are monitoring Marilyn Manson as well. He has not actually hurt any bats as yet, however it seems sensible to monitor him as well.