Author: Calex
Title: Goldilocks and the three Behrs
Rating: PG-13?
Notes: This was written for my English class in Year 9. Please keep in mind that this story is NOT to be taken seriously by any means, and that this is nothing more than a parody and meant to be tongue-in-cheek.

Goldilocks and the three Behrs.

"I hate you and I'll never come back!" the door was slammed shut and a slim girl wearing black jeans, a black t-shirt, black boots and carrying a black duffel bag emerged, pale face contorted with rage. Her hair was bleached blonde, she had multiple piercing in her ears and her clothes were ripped. She was the epitome of a rebel Goth. She had had another fight with her parents, something that happened quite a lot lately. But today, it was too much. Her mother had bought for her birthday a pink dress. A PINK DRESS!! They simply couldn't accept her individuality, her need to show the world who she was. So she decided to leave.

Goldilocks, called that by her mother (who was trying to make light her bleached blonde hair), was determined to run. Fortunately for her, there was a small forest by her house. She decided to stay there for a while. She knew for a fact that there was an abandoned old cottage that was uninhibited by anyone. Or so she thought. For what Goldilocks didn't know was that the cottage was not empty.

The Behrs were a notorious family. They were wanted in all the states for murder, theft, dealing of drugs, rape, etc. you name a crime, and they've committed it. Well, the Behrs were on the run and discovered the little cottage quite by mistake. Since it was perfectly situated in a rural area, they decided to stay there. That day, though, they were not in as they went on a killing spree in the town. Goldilocks made her way towards the cottage through the well known paths. But when she got there, however, she saw that there was smoke coming out of the chimney.

Strange, she thought. I could have sworn that this was empty. Maybe a camper decided to stay the night. I'll see if they could possibly help me and let me stay over.

She pushed the door open and went in. immediately, the scent of warm porridge pervaded her nostrils. She sniffed in delight. She made her way towards the kitchen and saw that the table was set for three people. There was a big chair at the head with a big bowl of steaming porridge, a medium sized one at the left with a medium bowl of porridge and a little one at the right with a small bowl of porridge. Goldilocks, being a nosy and curious girl (not to mention incredibly hungry!) went and sat at the head chair. It was uncomfortable and she tried to find a comfortable spot. She took the big spoon by the side of the big bowl and took a huge spoonful and swallowed it up. She immediately made a face. She went to the left, where the medium seat was and sat down. The chair was too soft. She again shifted on the chair before taking a medium sized spoon and taking a spoonful of porridge and ate it all up. She made a face. Finally, she sat on the littlest chair. It was the most comfortable of the lot. A little hard, but not too lumpy or too soft. She smiled and tasted the porridge. Mmm. she greedily finished the whole bowl.

She felt thirsty, so she reached for the tall glass by her hand and gulped the clear liquid down. She gasped, it was strong and burned her throat. She felt light-headed, suddenly. She grinned goofily and stood up. The chair toppled over. There was something peeking from under the seat. She pulled it up. Money. She began to giggle manically. She began dancing by herself. In her frenzied and dazedness, she knocked down several things. She giggled insanely and started laughing. She downed the two glasses by the two other seats and began dancing again. Finally, though, she felt tired. She went upstairs and saw three beds. She went over to the big bed and lay down. It was too bumpy. She went to the next bed. It was too soft. She made a face, then stumbled to the last bed. Perfect. In a few seconds, she was snoring.

The Behrs came in blood staining their clothes. They were laughing and cheering their good day. They had killed more than 20 people. It was a total massacre. The tallest Behr came in and stood stock still. His home (well, for time being at least) was trashed. He snarled as he went in. the other two were scowling as well.

"Who has done this!" he roared. He went over to his chair. He took off the seat. Thankfully, his weapons were all still there. The middle Behr, the wife, went over to her chair and checked the seat.

"The heroin and cocaine are still here," she informed her husband.

"So is the money," the youngest Behr told his father. "But my cocaine- heroin laced porridge has been eaten. So has my vodka."

"My cocaine laced porridge has been tempered with as well. My tequila has been drunk."

"So have mine. I will kill the person who did this."

"Do you think they are still here?" the little Behr asked.

"If they are, we'll find them. Let's check upstairs."

They went up and saw the beds. They went through the whole, someone's been on my bed routine. But then came little Behr's turn. He pointed to his bed. "My bed has been tempered with, and she is still here!" the Behrs crept quietly to the bed, each drawing out a weapon. Goldilock's eyes fluttered open, then it went wide as she saw the menacing, armed Behrs. She opened her mouth to scream, but she never got the chance. The last thing she saw was all three Behrs lunging towards her and a searing pain in her stomach, neck and chest. Then, it was dark.