Disclaimer: I do not own Alan Rickman, or you, if you have actually done this stuff with Alan Rickman. (i.e., all these characters in this are totally and absolutely fictional, and were not intended to steal your life. CMA, don't sue me, or whatever the real disclaimer is at the end of movies). AND ALAN, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE e-mail me.

~Fic Starts Here~

~~AR Scenario #5-The Bake Shop/Chance Meeting~~

**setting-that bakery where AR LOVES to hang out-see www.rickman-fan.com if you don't know what I mean**



YOU are looking at the blueberry muffins and bending over. YOU are wearing a small, black, button-up sweater, a white tanktop, a red plaid skirt, and have with you, a black, leather and micro-fiber Liz Claiborne mini-bookbag that you are wearing with one strap on, the other strap off. (Yes, these do exist. I have one...and I thought it deserved a part ;p)

ALAN comes up to YOU and tugs the one strap that is off your shoulder, as if to catch YOUR attention.

YOU, unfortunately, mistake him for a thief, and whirl around, grab ALAN'S wrist, and twist it above his head, almost breaking it in the process

YOU: YOU BASTARD! THINK YOU CAN STEAL FROM A GIRL CAN YOU? WELL-NEXT TIME CHOSE A GIRL WHO DOESN'T TEACH SELF DEFENSE CLASSES-holy CRAP! You're Alan Rickman!



AR: It would appear so.

YOU : Oh my GOSH! I am SO sorry! I mean, I TOTALLY did NOT mean-I thought-I mean-you pulled on my-I'm so SORRY!-I mean-

AR It's quite all right. Next time I see a beautiful woman with a handbag dangling off her shoulder, I'll make sure and ask her if she is a self-defense instructor. Now, where were we?

YOU : You're...Alan...Rickman...

AR: Yes, we've established that. And you are?

YOU : Alan...Rickman...

AR: Er...yes...can you say anything else?

YOU : Can I snog you?

AR : Well, I generally like to think before I kiss

YOU: huh?

AR: You still haven't told me your name, miss. And one so beautiful as you should not go un-named

YOU: 0.o . er...well, uh...___________(insert name here)

AR: ______(insert name here) . Hmmm...a name for a particularly strong character, who loves walking around London, eating strawberry candy, doing her own hair, and of course, sampling blueberry and lemon poppy-seed muffins all around the globe. Madam, how do you do?

YOU : Was that elementary, my dear Sherlock?

AR : Have you heard then, of my new role, as Sherlock Holmes? I'm to be starring in a screen rendition of "The Beekeeper's Apprentice".

YOU : They got YOU for the role?

AR : Yes, well, I saw the script and I practically begged them for the part. Why? How did you find out? Are you off to the auditions?

YOU : Yes, actually.

AR : Oh, really? Who are you trying out for?

YOU : I'm not. I wrote the screenplay.



AR : You...wrote...the screenplay?

YOU : Uh-huh. I was just on my way to uhm, check out who was trying out for Mary Russel, you know, when I saw this bake shop, and I was like What the HELL I'll just grab a muffin or croissant or a Danish or something just to stave off my hunger and to soak up the five white chocolate mochas I had for breakfast this morning and-



AR Now, let me get this straight. You drank five white chocolate mochas on an empty stomach for breakfast?

YOU MMM-HMMM!

AR: Are you INSANE?

YOU (he took his hand away): No. I just like coffee. WHEEEEE!



AR: We'll just take three blueberry muffins to go, please.

BAKER: YES SIR! NEXT!



AR: Start eating. Something needs to absorb all that caffeine.



AR: Here, let me get those





AR: Yes?

YOU: MHPH!



YOU: AH!

AR: And...what, exactly, was that?

YOU: Er, my SIXTH white chocolate mocha of the day?

AR: Oh, dear lord. We are going to get you some MILK when we get to the studio.

YOU : I hate milk

AR: You'll love this milk.

YOU : Why? Will it be...YOUR milk?

AR: WhAT?

YOU : Are you Bessie the COW? Because you look UDDERLY DELICIOUS! MWHAHAHAHAAHAAA!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAH! AHAHAHAH! Hahahhaaaa....heh.

AR: You are strangely attractive in the most insane sense of the word.

YOU: Well thanks, Sheriff. Will you cut my heart out with a spoon?



CASTING DIRECTOR: Oh, thank GOODNESS! Alan, there aren't ANY good Mary Russels. All we've seen are blonde bimbos and-Who's this?

YOU: Uh, hi. I wrote the script and-

C.D.: IT'S HER! I'VE FOUND HER! MARY RUSSEL!

YOU: Well, I thought she was supposed to be tall and blonde and stuff, but OK.

AR: _____, dear, just go along with him.

YOU: OK. Sure.

C.D.: All we need to do is see how well you can kiss...

AR and YOU: WHAT?

AR: WHAT?

YOU: I didn't write in a kissing scene!

C.D.: Nope, the director did. NOW PUCKER UP!



**Scene fades onto the movie screen of some famous London theatre, where YOU and ALAN are seated at the premier of the movie. You both turn to each other**

YOU and AR together, to each other: Muffins



Rima, leaning in between you two: HEI!!!! CUT!