A/N: I wrote this story for an english class a few years ago. Looking at it now, I realize that my writing was less than perfect…well, I find the story funny anyway. It didn't feel right to edit, so I just decided to post it as is. Please review.
The Blonde Princess
Once upon a time, in a far away land, there was a princess. Well, all right, I admit it, there were a king and a queen too, and they were the parents of this princess. The princess was a beautiful girl to look at…sparkling blue eyes, pale, perfect skin, and long, cornsilk-blonde hair. Alas, this last lovely feature was the source of all her troubles yet to come…you see, the princess was not a brilliant girl. She was not even what you would call clever. Okay, she was a blonde, plain and simple. An airhead to the core.
"It's not really her fault," her mother would say sadly to visitors, "It's just that with hair that color…we had hoped…" and her voice would trail off, and the visitors would nod their heads and cluck sympathetically. ("These people always look like chickens, bobbing their heads and gobbling on like that," the fairy godmother would say crossly to herself).
By the time the princess had turned sixteen, ambitious young princes were riding in from the neighboring far away lands to see the beautiful princess.
If one were simply an observer of the arrivals of all these worthy young men, one would think the only difficulty would be choosing the most suitable of them all to be the husband to the princess. That is, of course, if one at the same time overlooked the disgusted departures of all these discouraged young fellows.
You see, the princess was just too air-headed for all of these men. Even Prince Charming II found her hopelessly air-headed, and he was not astonishingly bright himself. ("Then again, he is the son of a man named Charming and a blonde woman who spent her pre-royal years in a fireplace whining about her step-family, so how much can you expect from him?" said the fairy godmother to herself).
Two years went by in this manner and the princess turned 18. The king and queen were now quite desperate. One day they called the fairy godmother to them.
"Godmother," the king began,
"That's Fairy godmother to you, I am no bumbling mortal thank you very much!!" The Fairy godmother snapped.
"Fairy godmother," the king began again, "Our daughter is now 18 and not married. Are you sure there is nothing you can do about her intelligence level?" The Fairy Godmother threw up her hands in exasperation.
"I'm a Fairy, not one of those high-and-mighty miracle workers. Exactly how much do you expect of me?!"
"But Godmother—I mean, Fairy Godmother," the queen said timidly, "She needs a husband. What advice do you have for us?"
The Fairy Godmother thought for a moment.
"Well, there is one thing you haven't tried…"
The king went a bit pale. "Certainly you don't mean…"
The queen looked from the king to the Godmother, then gasped. "No, not that…"
The Fairy Godmother nodded. "It's the only way that is left to you that I can see, and I am a fairy after all." The king closed his eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, and then nodded.
"Send the servants to collect as many frogs as they can find, then they are to bring them back here. If we're going to use the frog method, we must have as many frogs as possible…then there's more of a chance that one of them is a prince who has been magically transformed."
Three days later, the Average Hall was full of frogs, all hopping this way and that. (They would have filled up the Great Hall, but it was currently filled up with young maidens from all over the Kingdom. Prince Charming the Second had come to the castle saying something about a battered old rain-boot and every girl in the land. The king and queen had been so preoccupied with their daughter's dilemma that they had given him the Great Hall to use without even hearing the story behind it all.)
The king led his daughter into the room, and once again glanced sadly at her long blonde hair.
"Daughter, it is with a heavy yet hopeful heart that I present you with this undesirable task of searching for a magically transformed prince among these frogs…do you understand?"
The princess giggled at her father and nodded. The king smiled weakly and turned to go.
"Father? There is one thing I do not understand…" the princess was looking around her with a confused expression.
"Yes?" the king asked patiently.
"Why is this room full of frogs? And what am I doing here?"
("That was two things," the Fairy Godmother said to herself).
The king sighed and explained in one-syllable words, then started to leave. Suddenly he remembered something…"oh, and daughter…don't kiss any toads."
The princess giggled. "Of course not father!" She watched her father leave the room, then laughed again at the image of herself kneeling down to kiss someone's feet. What would she want to kiss their toes for?
She made her way through the room, picking frogs up at random and kissing them. She then picked up one that was slightly larger then the others and it was brown. It was also covered in bumps. Maybe this was the prince…
She pressed her lips to the creature. There was a loud POP, and suddenly she was looking the toad in the face.
"Wait a minute…you're not a prince…" she stopped to think about this, grimacing in pain as she used some muscles in her head that had never been used before.
Suddenly, she caught sight of her reflection in one of the full-length mirrors that adorned the room.
"Well, you do look kind of like me…and all the royalty from around here looks kinda alike…maybe you are a prince!"
"Croak" said the toad.
"Well, come on then," said the princess, "You have to go off with me into the sunset, and the sun is setting right now. We don't want to miss the sunset, 'cause then what would we ride off into? The darkness? No, that sounds creepy…"
"Croak" said the toad
The king and queen came into the room. "Princess? Princess? Where is she?"
The fairy Godmother, who was sitting on the windowsill, put a troubled expression on her face and pretended not to notice the two toads hopping towards the door.
"I think that she found her prince. They're probably riding off into the sunset together as we speak…"
"Oh, how wonderful!" squealed the queen. She and the king left the room.
The Fairy Godmother fingered her wand lovingly. For the past eighteen years she had been a full-time employee at the castle, a righter of the princess' wrongdoings. Now the princess was taken care of, the king and queen were happy, and they all would live happily ever after.
Afterward: The king and queen decided that their daughter was living out her life in a farther away land. The princess, in fact, was living Happily Ever After with her toad in one of the royal ponds. The king and queen soon gave birth to a little prince with black hair. He spent many happy hours playing in the royal pond, rescuing the tadpoles that for some reason were repeatedly swimming into rocks. The fairy godmother disappeared into the business world, only to reappear as the founder of Fairy Queen, a fast-food chain which specialized in creamy ice, which was new to the land.