When you have a Big Head

            When you have a big head, people look at you funny.  Or you think they're looking at you funny because you're so busy trying to look like you're not looking that you don't see'em.  The people around you are just dry smears lining the borders of that big old head of yours.

            When you have a big head, you tend to scowl a lot.  It's a furious expression aimed at nobody in particular, but smears in general.  You put it up just in case a smear happens to look your way and gives you one of those funny looks you hate so much.  Maybe if he sees how angry you are, he'll think twice about looking at you funny in the first place.  Of course, keeping up a scowl on that big old head takes a lot energy, so in moments when you're not really paying attention, when the smears aren't looking and you don't have to keep your guard up, you show your true face, and when you realize what you've done, you show your scared face.  And that's when the smears look at you funny.

            When you have a big head, you sometimes spend ten minutes in your bathroom, with the door locked, looking at yourself in the mirror and giving yourself funny looks.  You turn your head from left to right, up and down; you look at yourself from a profile and standing straight forwards, in different positions, shifting from your left leg to your right, trying to get the right angle where your head doesn't look so big.  When an attractive member of the opposite sex talks to you and he or she is looking at you from an angle other than the one where your head doesn't look so big, then you get frightened and start to act uninterested or perhaps even start writing something on a piece of paper so he or she can go away without giving you a funny look.  But you know that they always do in the end.

            When you have a big head, people never see you from the right angle.

            When you have a big head, you try to make up for it by acting smart.  You reason that some people have small heads and you have a big head.  You also reason that your big head is more useful than the small heads of others.  Because of this you begin to think yourself superior to the small headed smears lining the border of your perception; the ones that are always giving you the funny looks.

            When you have a big head, you sometimes spend ten minutes in your bathroom, with the door locked, looking at yourself in the mirror and giving yourself funny looks… even if it is superior to the small heads of others.

            When you have a big head, sometimes you feel happy.  You feel that it doesn't matter that you have such a big head.  "It's out of my control," you say, or, "It's not that big."  Sometimes your head doesn't feel so big.

            But sometimes, when you have a big head, you feel sad.  You feel that having a big head does matter.  "Why do I have such a big head?" you ask, or, "Why is it so big?"  Sometimes your head anchors you to the ground.

            When you have a big head, sometimes you pass your car in the parking lot without knowing it and you turn around, embarrassed.

            When you have a big head, sometimes you stay up at night looking into the darkness and form colorful shapes from nothing.

            When you have a big head, sometimes you laugh at things that others don't find funny and they give you funny looks.  But during those times, for some strange reason, you don't care, and you look right back and they stop.  They see you turning your big head towards them and stop their funny looks before you catch them.  Some may even laugh because you laugh.

            When you have a big head, life can be hard, but you eventually learn that it's not so bad.  Yes, you have a big head but that does not mean that others do not have their own oversized body parts to deal with.  Some people have big ears and hear things they don't want to hear.  Some people have big eyes that they have to keep shut during windy days to keep the dust from stinging.  Some people have big mouths and have trouble making friends.

            When you have a big head, you worry about people looking at you funny, even though you don't see them do it, because you're looking away. 

            The truth is this: these people, with the big ears, eyes and mouths, are just dry smears lining the border of your big head.  You don't see them because your focus is somewhere else.  And they don't see you because their focus is also somewhere else.  Where?  The place where only people-with-small-heads-ears-eyes-mouths-who-give-funny-looks live.  You imagine that you live there and, after a while, you start to believe it.

            I tell you, when you have a big head, you have weird daydreams…  Good thing you're not alone.