A Lie

By Crystal

My whole life...

It's nothing but a lie.

I never have time alone,

Never time to cry,

Unless at night in bed.

My body shakes with sobs,

My face stained with tears,

Every night,

At the very same time.

I cry to get my anger out,

I cry to get my stress out,

I cry to feel better,

And I cry at night,

So I will not cry in the morning.

In the morning as I wake,

I look out at the sky,

The sun that has still to rise,

The sky that has still to lighten,

The frost that has still to melt.

As I see my friends at school,

I laugh at their jokes,

And smile at them,

Chatting happily.

But am I really happy?

No.  Hell no.

Sometimes, I really am.

But most times,

I feel lost.

Because...

It feels like a lie.

I smile,

I laugh,

I joke,

I play.

Yet that's not it,

That's not what I want.

I want to cry in front of them,

Pour my heart out,

Tell them each and everyone,

My secrets,

My life,

My past.

But they'll laugh,

I know.

I won't bother trying,

Because in the end,

I'll end up getting laughed at.

I hate my life,

Though I'm a coward.

I have not the bravery,

To end my life,

Once and for all.

And now,

All I can do,

Is sit around,

Acting,

Masking my emotions,

Even from myself.

I don't know who I am any longer...

The little girl that is lost in life,

And that has seen reality too soon...

Or the girl that's optimistic,

That smiles and jokes,

That laughs and plays.

My whole life,

It's been nothing but a lie...

And it will end a lie...

That...

I...

Am sure of.

It's all a lie...

A lie...