I'm Nothing...

By Crystal

I feel numb,

As the knife cuts through.

It cuts my skin,

Like knife through butter.

Strange how nobody notices,

How scarred my arms are.

Perhaps everyone,

They all think,

I'm slightly depressed.

But they're wrong.

Oh, they're so wrong.

Slightly,

Is a huge understatement.

I'm not just depressed.

I'm stressed,

My life sucks.

Perhaps they don't notice.

Perhaps it's my acting.

But if it is,

I've got great acting skills.

I remember,

When I was still naïve,

I would laugh,

I would cry,

I would show my feelings.

Now?

I will laugh,

I will cry,

And I will show my feelings...

But they're all fake.

I laugh with a mind in turmoil,

I cry with bitterness,

I show they feelings they want to see.

You see,

I am not myself anymore,

I do not feel like myself,

Not any longer...

There was a time,

When everything was simple,

When life was a rose garden,

When life was a straight road.

But as I grew,

I knew,

Life was hard,

Life was never a rose garden,

Life was a twisted road.

The stars shine above my head,

I use to stare in awe,

I use to count the stars...

That was a long time ago.

I look at it, indifferent,

I do not care for stars,

I do not care for anything much.

I could really care less.

There's nothing holding me back,

From killing myself,

But I am a coward...

Just like plenty of people.

There's nothing left for me,

Only bitterness and sadness,

But inside my heart,

I still hope,

That the bitterness will vanish,

The sadness will go away,

And the happiness will come.

It is a dumb hope,

A dumb wish.

You could call me a fool,

And I would not deny,

For I myself,

Think of me as a fool.

I close my eyes once again,

As the familiar feeling,

Of blood fell of my wrist,

And onto the washroom floor,

Staining it.

I didn't care for the white floor,

That was stained in crimson.

I could really care less.

I hear the sounds of blood,

I hear the sounds of my family,

Watching a movie downstairs.

And I hear the drops...

Of tears falling on the floor.

I can feel the racket sobs,

Almost coming...

And finally,

I felt my body shake,

With sadness...

With bitterness...

With loneliness...

With hopelessness...

And there,

My empty soul,

That seemed impossible to fill.

Impossible to fill,

All that was taken away...

I'm empty,

I'm nothing,

Nothing...
Absolutely nothing...