Neither boy had spoken to the other since the kiss. They went along
with the week as if nothing had happened, pretending that nothing had
changed. They knew, although they denied it, that their friends knew that
something was wrong between them, after all, after someone kisses the
other, and those two stop talking, others will begin to get suspicious that
there is an unresolved problem. Mike insisted to Cricket that nothing
happened, they just had to take time to forget about what happened, but she
knew just as well as each boy did that it wouldn't be that easy to forget.
The day wore on, longer than the rest it seemed, most likely since the day was friday. On fridays Mike drove Johnny home, neither boy knew what to expect now that they hadn't been talking to the other. Mike of course was going to drive Johnny home, but he was nervous. Nervous that one of them would start talking, and that one of them had to spill. Mike didn't want to tell his side of the story, nor was he going to lie. He didn't want to hear Johnny's either for fear of rejection.
Mike was so confused. That was his first problem. Yes, he had known that he was bisexual for some time now, but then started to think that maybe he wasn't, after all he never really had a crush on another guy before. Then Johnny appeared. If he hadn't of come to the school, Mike would have been just fine. Sure he'd be missing a friend, but hey somethings you just need to sacrifice. It was the stress that was getting to him, the stress was the second problem, which was directly caused by the first.
Mike sat out by the picknick table in back of the school, just like every friday, waiting for Johnathan to get out of detention. It was funny, Johnny although he looked the part with chains and spikes and the whole get up, was about as threatening as mouse. He was also only about as rude as a gold fish, and he was very well behaved. It was almost ironic that he landed in Mr. Henson's detention program. It wasn't his fault though, it was the fault of the Teacher for leaving the cup of coffee next to the paintings. Yet when your sixteen, clumsy, and look like you come from a bad crowd, well chances are you're not going to be treated very fairly.
Eventually, Johnny strode out of one of the back doors over to where his friend was sitting. Neither of the boys said a word. They just sat there and stared at each other, their eyes finally meeting for the first time since monday. Six minutes must have gone by, at least it seemed so, but still no words passed between the two. Eventually a sound was made as Mike snorted in laughter. A leaf blown from the tree above the table had landed on Johnny's head, right between two of his blue spikes. Blushing the taller boy brushed the leaf out, and finally cracked a smile. It was hopeless to try and keep a straight face over Mike's laughing.
"Sorry." Mike grinned sheepishly. Then he sighed and became very interested in his hands, their silent pact to not speak to each other had just been broken. Mike shunned himself and hoped Johnny wouldn't say anything, yet also hoped he would.
"Yeah." That was it. For another long while neither of them said anything. Johnny was fighting with himself mentally, as Mike was running through his mind how to go about saying what he wanted to say.
"I don't know what to say." Mike finally spoke up once again, and sighed for about the fifteenth time before looking up at his friend.
"What is there to say?" Johnny looked back at him, trying hard to keep his face blank. He didn't know wether to laugh, to cry, to scream, to smile...there were so many emotions all jumbled up together that he didn't know what to project at the moment. Sadness could have so many consequences...
"A lot."
"I know."
The wind blew by again, knocking a few leaves off, and swirling them around before they landed on the grass. Mike eventually stood up and started walking to his car, pulling out his keys as he went. Johnny just stood there watching him walk away, not sure if he should follow or not.
"Aren't you coming?" Mike turned around and stopped, then waited for Johnny to catch up after he nodded. They both walked side by side across the parking lot. Suddenly Mike gasped as Johnny's hand brushed his. The taller boy winced at the gasp and moved away, creating a bigger space in between them. Mike had been so absorbed in his thoughts, he was shocked to see that he was already driving down the road. "Are you mad at me?" Johnny spoke, not looking at Mike, but keeping his gaze to the window where he was tracing invisible patterns against the glass with his finger.
"No, London, I'm not mad...I'm.." He stopped. He was sure what he was. He was disapointed, although he had no reason to be. He was confused, he was scared..."I'm scared." He said it outloud, although he hadn't meant to.
"Why?" Johnny turned to him, meeting his gaze quickly before Mike turned back to look at the road. "Scared that I'll do it again? I'm sorry Michael, I didn't mean to kiss you...I just thought-"
"..I thought I kissed you." Mike kept his eyes straight ahead, staring at the road, but not focused on it. Johnny opened his mouth a few times to speak, but nothing came out.
"Well, then I guess we both kissed eachother." Johnny licked his lips nervously. "Then why are you scared?"
"...I don't know. Yes I do. I'm scared that we're not friends anymore...and I don't want that. Johnny, I don't want to loose you as a friend. I don't have many, and although I haven't known you all that long, you mean a lot to me..." Mike shut up after this, afraid that he'd end up saying more than he meant to.
"We're still friends as long as you want to be. As for losing me, not unless you push me away." Again a long silence passed between them, if it kept up I would become custom between them. "You mean a lot to me too...Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, sure." Mike gulped, he knew he shouldn't be scared still, but he was.
"Why did you kiss me?" Which was exactly why he was scared.
"Because..." Mike stood there staring out the windsheild, not noticing that he had stopped in his drive way.
"You gonna shut the car off?"
"Huh..oh yeah." Mike cut the off the power as he turned the ignition, but he didn't bothing pulling the keys out yet.
"And because isn't an answer. I want an answer..." Johnny looked at him pleadingly.
"It may not be an answer you want to hear..." Mike swallowed.
"I don't care if it's something I don't want to hear...I'm aware of that." Johnny looked down. Yes he was aware that Mike's answer may not be what he wanted it to be...but aware, and prepared are two different things. "Why did you kiss me?"
"Why did you kiss me?" Mike questioned him back.
"You know very well that that's not an answer either. I'll tell you when you tell me....just please answer me...Why did you kiss me?"
"Because you were wearing the lip gloss..." Mike said softly, tugging at the frayed threads of the rip in his jeans.
"Because it made me look like a girl? I know I'm pretty Michael..am I really that pretty?" Johnny almost hissed these words...but he tried to keep out as much bitterness as he could.
"No...that's not why. Yes...it is...no...I mean.." He took a deep breath. "London, you are pretty, and not because of the lip gloss, and not because it made you look like a girl...it didn't." He paused. "I kissed you because it made you look so damned sexy..." He shut his eyes and chewed at his lip as soon as he said it.
"You think I'm sexy?" Johnny gaped, then grinned. "You really do?"
"Gods yes." Mike sighed and smiled back, now releived that Johnny wasn't upset with him. But, just because he seemed happy didn't mean he returned Mike's feelings, he could simply be flattered.
"I though you were joking when you had said you were Bisexual..."
"Well...no...yes I was that time, but I really was. I guess I thought you knew...everyone else did." Mike looked at him almolst appoligeticaly.
"Mind you I've only known you for about two months." Johnny laughed a bit. They were talking now and the nervousness seemed to die out. That was progress.
"Yeah I know...but still, we do know eachother pretty well, I mean we hang out a lot and you're always questioning me and..teasing me." Mike blushed at this. Johnny always questioned him about stupid little things, like when was your first kiss, when's the first time you remember crying? And he teased Mike too...mostly with sexual innuendoes towards his friend, which although made Mike a bit uncomftorable, seemed to let them get a little more relaxed around eachother. "So then you..."Mike's voice died. He couldn't remember what he wanted to say.
"So then I what?"
"I don't know." He fiddled with the drivers wheel, picking at the worn leather.
"Yes..I like guys too Mike." Johnny answered the question.
"Yeah...I sort of figured...but I wasn't too sure." He sighed. "I'm never right about things you know."
"You were right when you kissed me." Johnny blushed a bit, unsure of wether he should have said this or not.
"I guess..." They looked at eachother for a minute, then Mike spoke up again. "Look...I'm not going to say that I don't like you, because I do. I have since..I don't know when, maybe a month ago, begining of October maybe..." He looked down unsure of what the other boys shocked expression meant. "I was actually going to tell you as soon as I realised it, you know, ask you out...I figured you liked guys so..."
"Then why didn't you?" The blue haired boy spoke softly and looked questioningly into Mike's green eyes.
"Because, I was afraid you would turn me down, and being a friend, it would mean a lot more if you did...and the fact that it could have screwed us over." It was the truth. Simple as that.
"So then where did you get the courage to kiss me?"
"There is a big difference between bravery and impulse." Mike laughed.
"So basically, you just couldn't keep your hands off of me any longer?" Johnny grinned and narrowed his eyes. "That it?"
"Yeah pretty much. But..after you stopped talking to me...I was afraid that I was being turned down and out."
"So did I." Johnny sighed. "I like you too Mike. I kept trying to drop hints, but you obviously didn't pick them up. Although having me on your lap feeling up your thigh was a bit hard to miss if you ask me."
"I..." Mike blushed. "I thought you were joking."
"Only partially." Johnny hestitated...then: "Can I kiss you then?"
"Yeah..." Before Mike could say anything else, the other boy leaned in and kissed him softly. They didn't pull away quickly like they had a few days before, this time it was more than a soft peck. Their lips moved together tentivily, not with much force, but not light either. Before they pulled away Johnny nipped at the blond boys bottom lip. Johnny pulled back grinning and Mike just sat there, looking as if he were high. "That was nice..."
"Yeah, It was."
For a while neither of them spoke. Once again an akward silence hung in the air and Johnny shifted nervously against the seat.
"Are we just gonna sit here?" He spoke up and looked over to Mike who laughed.
"Yeah...I mean no..sorry...Uhmm..I'll take you home, that is if you want."
"Actually...Can we just sit here and talk somemore...or go inside.." Johnny tugged at one of the chains around his neck and waited for Mike to either say something or get out of the car.
"Come inside then..." They unstrapped their seatbelts and and hurried to the door. Saying quick hellos to Mike's mother they headed up stairs to his room, having some privacy to talk in there. "So?" Mike hooked his thumbs into his back pockets as Johnny sat down on his bed.
"Buttons."
"Huh?"
"Never mind." Johnny sighed. "So what do we do?"
"What do you mean?" Mike took a seat next to Johnny, the bed squeaked in protest.
"Like...with us. I mean," He took a breath. "We like each other right?" Mike nodded. "So where do we go from that?"
"We could go out..." Mike suggested as he started to gnaw at his fingernails, he stopped when he saw Johnny's 'Don't do that.' glare.
"Like...Date?"
"I guess I mean,well. I'd like to...but I don't think Dating is such a good Idea...it's a small town and if..."
"I know." Johnny sighed. "I guess we really can't then..."
"But I want to be with you." Mike looked down when he said it. He blushed slightly, embarrassed at how fast the words slipped out. Johhny lifted his chin up and kissed him softly before pulling back and smiling.
"I wanna be with you too, Michael. I don't want to give up." He brushed his long fingers through the other boys caramel hair. Mike leaned into his touch and smiled.
"Then lets just be together."
"Lets." Johnny kissed his forehead and whispered a muffled "Beautiful..." in his hair.
"Sap." Mike teased and poked the taller boy in the ribs. Johnny only chuckled and pulled him into his arms.
"Well get used it."
"I think I could." He snuggled into the warm body wrapped around him, smiling contently. "Very easily. Kiss me?" And they did, for a very long time.
The day wore on, longer than the rest it seemed, most likely since the day was friday. On fridays Mike drove Johnny home, neither boy knew what to expect now that they hadn't been talking to the other. Mike of course was going to drive Johnny home, but he was nervous. Nervous that one of them would start talking, and that one of them had to spill. Mike didn't want to tell his side of the story, nor was he going to lie. He didn't want to hear Johnny's either for fear of rejection.
Mike was so confused. That was his first problem. Yes, he had known that he was bisexual for some time now, but then started to think that maybe he wasn't, after all he never really had a crush on another guy before. Then Johnny appeared. If he hadn't of come to the school, Mike would have been just fine. Sure he'd be missing a friend, but hey somethings you just need to sacrifice. It was the stress that was getting to him, the stress was the second problem, which was directly caused by the first.
Mike sat out by the picknick table in back of the school, just like every friday, waiting for Johnathan to get out of detention. It was funny, Johnny although he looked the part with chains and spikes and the whole get up, was about as threatening as mouse. He was also only about as rude as a gold fish, and he was very well behaved. It was almost ironic that he landed in Mr. Henson's detention program. It wasn't his fault though, it was the fault of the Teacher for leaving the cup of coffee next to the paintings. Yet when your sixteen, clumsy, and look like you come from a bad crowd, well chances are you're not going to be treated very fairly.
Eventually, Johnny strode out of one of the back doors over to where his friend was sitting. Neither of the boys said a word. They just sat there and stared at each other, their eyes finally meeting for the first time since monday. Six minutes must have gone by, at least it seemed so, but still no words passed between the two. Eventually a sound was made as Mike snorted in laughter. A leaf blown from the tree above the table had landed on Johnny's head, right between two of his blue spikes. Blushing the taller boy brushed the leaf out, and finally cracked a smile. It was hopeless to try and keep a straight face over Mike's laughing.
"Sorry." Mike grinned sheepishly. Then he sighed and became very interested in his hands, their silent pact to not speak to each other had just been broken. Mike shunned himself and hoped Johnny wouldn't say anything, yet also hoped he would.
"Yeah." That was it. For another long while neither of them said anything. Johnny was fighting with himself mentally, as Mike was running through his mind how to go about saying what he wanted to say.
"I don't know what to say." Mike finally spoke up once again, and sighed for about the fifteenth time before looking up at his friend.
"What is there to say?" Johnny looked back at him, trying hard to keep his face blank. He didn't know wether to laugh, to cry, to scream, to smile...there were so many emotions all jumbled up together that he didn't know what to project at the moment. Sadness could have so many consequences...
"A lot."
"I know."
The wind blew by again, knocking a few leaves off, and swirling them around before they landed on the grass. Mike eventually stood up and started walking to his car, pulling out his keys as he went. Johnny just stood there watching him walk away, not sure if he should follow or not.
"Aren't you coming?" Mike turned around and stopped, then waited for Johnny to catch up after he nodded. They both walked side by side across the parking lot. Suddenly Mike gasped as Johnny's hand brushed his. The taller boy winced at the gasp and moved away, creating a bigger space in between them. Mike had been so absorbed in his thoughts, he was shocked to see that he was already driving down the road. "Are you mad at me?" Johnny spoke, not looking at Mike, but keeping his gaze to the window where he was tracing invisible patterns against the glass with his finger.
"No, London, I'm not mad...I'm.." He stopped. He was sure what he was. He was disapointed, although he had no reason to be. He was confused, he was scared..."I'm scared." He said it outloud, although he hadn't meant to.
"Why?" Johnny turned to him, meeting his gaze quickly before Mike turned back to look at the road. "Scared that I'll do it again? I'm sorry Michael, I didn't mean to kiss you...I just thought-"
"..I thought I kissed you." Mike kept his eyes straight ahead, staring at the road, but not focused on it. Johnny opened his mouth a few times to speak, but nothing came out.
"Well, then I guess we both kissed eachother." Johnny licked his lips nervously. "Then why are you scared?"
"...I don't know. Yes I do. I'm scared that we're not friends anymore...and I don't want that. Johnny, I don't want to loose you as a friend. I don't have many, and although I haven't known you all that long, you mean a lot to me..." Mike shut up after this, afraid that he'd end up saying more than he meant to.
"We're still friends as long as you want to be. As for losing me, not unless you push me away." Again a long silence passed between them, if it kept up I would become custom between them. "You mean a lot to me too...Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, sure." Mike gulped, he knew he shouldn't be scared still, but he was.
"Why did you kiss me?" Which was exactly why he was scared.
"Because..." Mike stood there staring out the windsheild, not noticing that he had stopped in his drive way.
"You gonna shut the car off?"
"Huh..oh yeah." Mike cut the off the power as he turned the ignition, but he didn't bothing pulling the keys out yet.
"And because isn't an answer. I want an answer..." Johnny looked at him pleadingly.
"It may not be an answer you want to hear..." Mike swallowed.
"I don't care if it's something I don't want to hear...I'm aware of that." Johnny looked down. Yes he was aware that Mike's answer may not be what he wanted it to be...but aware, and prepared are two different things. "Why did you kiss me?"
"Why did you kiss me?" Mike questioned him back.
"You know very well that that's not an answer either. I'll tell you when you tell me....just please answer me...Why did you kiss me?"
"Because you were wearing the lip gloss..." Mike said softly, tugging at the frayed threads of the rip in his jeans.
"Because it made me look like a girl? I know I'm pretty Michael..am I really that pretty?" Johnny almost hissed these words...but he tried to keep out as much bitterness as he could.
"No...that's not why. Yes...it is...no...I mean.." He took a deep breath. "London, you are pretty, and not because of the lip gloss, and not because it made you look like a girl...it didn't." He paused. "I kissed you because it made you look so damned sexy..." He shut his eyes and chewed at his lip as soon as he said it.
"You think I'm sexy?" Johnny gaped, then grinned. "You really do?"
"Gods yes." Mike sighed and smiled back, now releived that Johnny wasn't upset with him. But, just because he seemed happy didn't mean he returned Mike's feelings, he could simply be flattered.
"I though you were joking when you had said you were Bisexual..."
"Well...no...yes I was that time, but I really was. I guess I thought you knew...everyone else did." Mike looked at him almolst appoligeticaly.
"Mind you I've only known you for about two months." Johnny laughed a bit. They were talking now and the nervousness seemed to die out. That was progress.
"Yeah I know...but still, we do know eachother pretty well, I mean we hang out a lot and you're always questioning me and..teasing me." Mike blushed at this. Johnny always questioned him about stupid little things, like when was your first kiss, when's the first time you remember crying? And he teased Mike too...mostly with sexual innuendoes towards his friend, which although made Mike a bit uncomftorable, seemed to let them get a little more relaxed around eachother. "So then you..."Mike's voice died. He couldn't remember what he wanted to say.
"So then I what?"
"I don't know." He fiddled with the drivers wheel, picking at the worn leather.
"Yes..I like guys too Mike." Johnny answered the question.
"Yeah...I sort of figured...but I wasn't too sure." He sighed. "I'm never right about things you know."
"You were right when you kissed me." Johnny blushed a bit, unsure of wether he should have said this or not.
"I guess..." They looked at eachother for a minute, then Mike spoke up again. "Look...I'm not going to say that I don't like you, because I do. I have since..I don't know when, maybe a month ago, begining of October maybe..." He looked down unsure of what the other boys shocked expression meant. "I was actually going to tell you as soon as I realised it, you know, ask you out...I figured you liked guys so..."
"Then why didn't you?" The blue haired boy spoke softly and looked questioningly into Mike's green eyes.
"Because, I was afraid you would turn me down, and being a friend, it would mean a lot more if you did...and the fact that it could have screwed us over." It was the truth. Simple as that.
"So then where did you get the courage to kiss me?"
"There is a big difference between bravery and impulse." Mike laughed.
"So basically, you just couldn't keep your hands off of me any longer?" Johnny grinned and narrowed his eyes. "That it?"
"Yeah pretty much. But..after you stopped talking to me...I was afraid that I was being turned down and out."
"So did I." Johnny sighed. "I like you too Mike. I kept trying to drop hints, but you obviously didn't pick them up. Although having me on your lap feeling up your thigh was a bit hard to miss if you ask me."
"I..." Mike blushed. "I thought you were joking."
"Only partially." Johnny hestitated...then: "Can I kiss you then?"
"Yeah..." Before Mike could say anything else, the other boy leaned in and kissed him softly. They didn't pull away quickly like they had a few days before, this time it was more than a soft peck. Their lips moved together tentivily, not with much force, but not light either. Before they pulled away Johnny nipped at the blond boys bottom lip. Johnny pulled back grinning and Mike just sat there, looking as if he were high. "That was nice..."
"Yeah, It was."
For a while neither of them spoke. Once again an akward silence hung in the air and Johnny shifted nervously against the seat.
"Are we just gonna sit here?" He spoke up and looked over to Mike who laughed.
"Yeah...I mean no..sorry...Uhmm..I'll take you home, that is if you want."
"Actually...Can we just sit here and talk somemore...or go inside.." Johnny tugged at one of the chains around his neck and waited for Mike to either say something or get out of the car.
"Come inside then..." They unstrapped their seatbelts and and hurried to the door. Saying quick hellos to Mike's mother they headed up stairs to his room, having some privacy to talk in there. "So?" Mike hooked his thumbs into his back pockets as Johnny sat down on his bed.
"Buttons."
"Huh?"
"Never mind." Johnny sighed. "So what do we do?"
"What do you mean?" Mike took a seat next to Johnny, the bed squeaked in protest.
"Like...with us. I mean," He took a breath. "We like each other right?" Mike nodded. "So where do we go from that?"
"We could go out..." Mike suggested as he started to gnaw at his fingernails, he stopped when he saw Johnny's 'Don't do that.' glare.
"Like...Date?"
"I guess I mean,well. I'd like to...but I don't think Dating is such a good Idea...it's a small town and if..."
"I know." Johnny sighed. "I guess we really can't then..."
"But I want to be with you." Mike looked down when he said it. He blushed slightly, embarrassed at how fast the words slipped out. Johhny lifted his chin up and kissed him softly before pulling back and smiling.
"I wanna be with you too, Michael. I don't want to give up." He brushed his long fingers through the other boys caramel hair. Mike leaned into his touch and smiled.
"Then lets just be together."
"Lets." Johnny kissed his forehead and whispered a muffled "Beautiful..." in his hair.
"Sap." Mike teased and poked the taller boy in the ribs. Johnny only chuckled and pulled him into his arms.
"Well get used it."
"I think I could." He snuggled into the warm body wrapped around him, smiling contently. "Very easily. Kiss me?" And they did, for a very long time.