Hello my adoring readers *crickets chirp*...Shuddup *smacks the cricket*
This was written one day when I couldn't think of anything for my ACTUAL English story..so I'm posting it just for the hell of it.enjoy!
~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~
In a little town called jaykrueville, there was an uncool boy named Bobacus. Bobacus is a very mean thing to call your child, and he was forbidden to change it for fear of angering the Pineapple God - Billy Joe. The other little Gap Kids shunned Bobacus because his clothes were always sooo last season. Bobacus was in love with a beautiful Gap Girl named Gertrude, who turned out to be a drugie and prostitute, but that was okay with him. Gertrude liked to go out with friends and get high then come to school completely smashed. Bobacus devised a plan to make Gertrude the Stoner fall in love with him. He would go to the "temple", the old barn behind the "Grocery Store", and make a sacrifice of 1 bottle of Ketchup to the Hot Dog God, Bazooka Mike.
Bobacus ran through the "Grocery Store", wearing his mothers ugliest dress and a black sock over his head, grabbed the first bottle of ketchup he saw, which happened to be a No Name Brand, and ran out while giggling like a schoolgirl. Making sure noone saw him make his way to the "Temple" Bobacus shed his "Disguise" and locked the door behind him. He ran up to the.er.sacrificing alter, and placed the ketchup in the middle of it, next to a rubber chicken and a knife. Plugging his little cassette player into the battery pack that was conveniently stored there, he turned it on to do the sacred summoning dance.
EVERYBODY, ROCK YOUR BODY
EVERYBODY, ROCK. YOU. BODY. RIGHT. COS BACKSTREETS BACK ALRIGHT!!
The Backstreet boys blared out of the speakers as Bobacus began to strut, wave his arms, jump, twist and shake his booty. He was really starting to get into it, pole dancing and all, when a mechanical whirring sound filled the air. It was only the emergency helicopter, taking off with the Cow piloting because the animals couldn't stand the singing and dancing any more. Leaving the music on, Bobacus strutted back to the alter, took the knife, sliced the rubber chicken open, filled it with ketchup, sewed it back together and dumped the rest of the ketchup on top of it. Remembering how to summon the Hot Dog God was a difficult task, but Bobacus was sure he had the right summoning chant, and began to scream,"
OH I WISH I WERE AN OSCAR MYER WIENER, COS THAT IS WHAT I TRULY WANT TO BE, COS IF I WERE AN OSCAR MYER WIENER, EVERYONE WOULD BE IN LOVE WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
A popping sound was heard as Bobacus stopped screeching and when he looked up, there was a short, and extremely fat little man eating the rubber chicken.
"Ooh great and wonderful Hot Dog God Bazooka Mike, I want you to make me so cool that Gertrude falls on love with me!" Bobacus shouted, his raspy voice making Bazooka Mike wince and glare at him, " I DEMAND IT!"
"Keep your pants on you little jerk," Bazooka Mike shouted," Your disrespect is astounding!"
"What disrespect? I haven't been disrespectful you asshole!"
Bazooka Mike snapped his fingers and a large Bazooka appeared in his hands," You did the summoning dance to the cursed Backstreet Boys, you made a demand from me, you yelled at me, and worst of all..YOU USED NO NAME BRAND KETCHUP.I HATE NO NAME BRAND KETCHUP, ONLY HEINZ IS GOOD, FOR USING NO NAME BRAND KETCUP, YOU WILL BE SEVERELY PUNISHED FOR THAT!!!"
Bazooka Mike fired his Bazooka and Bobacus was now an ugly purple pig with zits. He was killed and eaten for supper that night by the villagers, who may have suspected it was Bobacus, but didn't really care either way.
Gertrude never gave up drugs, ended up getting pregnant with triplets at 16 and marrying a lawyer. Bazooka Mike refused to return when summoned and spent the rest of his life as a ketchup sampler for Heinz. Bobacus's mother was upset for the rest of her life, about him stealing her "best" dress, and the animals never did come back with the emergency helicopter.
And the Moral of this story is: Never anger Hot Dog Gods by using No Name Brand Ketchup!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Written out of boredom one day during English. *Snickers psychotically*
So how'd you like it? REVIEW! I'll give you a cricket *holds up a cricket*
*Demon
This was written one day when I couldn't think of anything for my ACTUAL English story..so I'm posting it just for the hell of it.enjoy!
~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~
In a little town called jaykrueville, there was an uncool boy named Bobacus. Bobacus is a very mean thing to call your child, and he was forbidden to change it for fear of angering the Pineapple God - Billy Joe. The other little Gap Kids shunned Bobacus because his clothes were always sooo last season. Bobacus was in love with a beautiful Gap Girl named Gertrude, who turned out to be a drugie and prostitute, but that was okay with him. Gertrude liked to go out with friends and get high then come to school completely smashed. Bobacus devised a plan to make Gertrude the Stoner fall in love with him. He would go to the "temple", the old barn behind the "Grocery Store", and make a sacrifice of 1 bottle of Ketchup to the Hot Dog God, Bazooka Mike.
Bobacus ran through the "Grocery Store", wearing his mothers ugliest dress and a black sock over his head, grabbed the first bottle of ketchup he saw, which happened to be a No Name Brand, and ran out while giggling like a schoolgirl. Making sure noone saw him make his way to the "Temple" Bobacus shed his "Disguise" and locked the door behind him. He ran up to the.er.sacrificing alter, and placed the ketchup in the middle of it, next to a rubber chicken and a knife. Plugging his little cassette player into the battery pack that was conveniently stored there, he turned it on to do the sacred summoning dance.
EVERYBODY, ROCK YOUR BODY
EVERYBODY, ROCK. YOU. BODY. RIGHT. COS BACKSTREETS BACK ALRIGHT!!
The Backstreet boys blared out of the speakers as Bobacus began to strut, wave his arms, jump, twist and shake his booty. He was really starting to get into it, pole dancing and all, when a mechanical whirring sound filled the air. It was only the emergency helicopter, taking off with the Cow piloting because the animals couldn't stand the singing and dancing any more. Leaving the music on, Bobacus strutted back to the alter, took the knife, sliced the rubber chicken open, filled it with ketchup, sewed it back together and dumped the rest of the ketchup on top of it. Remembering how to summon the Hot Dog God was a difficult task, but Bobacus was sure he had the right summoning chant, and began to scream,"
OH I WISH I WERE AN OSCAR MYER WIENER, COS THAT IS WHAT I TRULY WANT TO BE, COS IF I WERE AN OSCAR MYER WIENER, EVERYONE WOULD BE IN LOVE WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
A popping sound was heard as Bobacus stopped screeching and when he looked up, there was a short, and extremely fat little man eating the rubber chicken.
"Ooh great and wonderful Hot Dog God Bazooka Mike, I want you to make me so cool that Gertrude falls on love with me!" Bobacus shouted, his raspy voice making Bazooka Mike wince and glare at him, " I DEMAND IT!"
"Keep your pants on you little jerk," Bazooka Mike shouted," Your disrespect is astounding!"
"What disrespect? I haven't been disrespectful you asshole!"
Bazooka Mike snapped his fingers and a large Bazooka appeared in his hands," You did the summoning dance to the cursed Backstreet Boys, you made a demand from me, you yelled at me, and worst of all..YOU USED NO NAME BRAND KETCHUP.I HATE NO NAME BRAND KETCHUP, ONLY HEINZ IS GOOD, FOR USING NO NAME BRAND KETCUP, YOU WILL BE SEVERELY PUNISHED FOR THAT!!!"
Bazooka Mike fired his Bazooka and Bobacus was now an ugly purple pig with zits. He was killed and eaten for supper that night by the villagers, who may have suspected it was Bobacus, but didn't really care either way.
Gertrude never gave up drugs, ended up getting pregnant with triplets at 16 and marrying a lawyer. Bazooka Mike refused to return when summoned and spent the rest of his life as a ketchup sampler for Heinz. Bobacus's mother was upset for the rest of her life, about him stealing her "best" dress, and the animals never did come back with the emergency helicopter.
And the Moral of this story is: Never anger Hot Dog Gods by using No Name Brand Ketchup!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Written out of boredom one day during English. *Snickers psychotically*
So how'd you like it? REVIEW! I'll give you a cricket *holds up a cricket*
*Demon