Noah: This question asks us to identify in which jobs large and small hands would be useful. So which jobs would use small hands?

Me: ... pickpocket.

Noah: Ok ...

Me: OOO OOO GYNECOLOGIST!!

..........

Noah: I just re-read the question and now it asks in which 'lifestyles' big hands and small hands would be useful.

Me: Lifestyles ... how about a TRIBE of gynecologists!

..........

Mom: *steps on kiera's toys* Dammit. Well, everyone in the tow truck is dead. Call the ambulance.

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Me: It's not a phase!

Mom: Well if you don't have your stuff together, it's not just God and Darth Vader plotting against you.

Me: ... I'm still trying to figure out how God and Darth Vader got into the same sentence.

..........

(after hockey tryouts)

Kiera: Hannah, you're the best sister ever.

Me: Well that's good, cause I'm a pretty shitty skater.

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Rick: This game sucks ... if you're a LOSER!! *wins the game*

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(we locked adam out and had his cell phone)

Me: Ask him what the going rate is for Thailand. *dials random numbers*

Rick: What's going on?

Adam: They're calling Thailand!!

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Noah: It was the stupidest scene in the whole movie. 'Hey Rocky!' 'Yo!' 'Screw you!'

Me: So then what'd he say?

Noah: Fuh-ged-uh-boww-dit!

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Noah: See that's why you have to have good soccer skills. So you can get the soap between your feet, and then pop it up and catch it. Course you'll probably still get plugged ...

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Me: ... and then there's Chibatas. (they're supper rolls)

Rick: What?

Me: Chi-ba-tas.

Rick: Chewbacas! *rrrrawwwrr*

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Me: Hey do you know what 'squeezable' is in French? Squizzard.

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Noah: Ok, Kelsey wants more, Paige is full, and someone is crying.

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(in reference to my spiffy whistle thing)

Noah: Wow, it makes noise AND makes you look like an dumbass.

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Me: Apparently Bailey and Chantel are dating, so don't put them in the same group. Last thing we want is a couple-a 5 year olds getting it on on the trampoline. Oh this'll be great! We can put Bailey in with the other girls! It'll be like Temptation Island only better, cause they're small and prone to crying!

..........

Noah: Some people like cigars, or wine. I'm a flavored chip guy.

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Me: I'm not having kids.

Noah: Well Kiera better have one. I wanna be an uncle! Of course you'll get to be the godparent cause you'll be all sad and lonely.

..........

Me: I'd be a nun before I'd have kids.

Noah: Oh now you'd definately get to be the godparent! This sucks!

..........

Me: If you're a nun, can you go all 'anti-nun'?

Mom: 'Anti-nun'?

Me: Well can you quit?

Mom: You have to ask the pope to officially quit.

Me: Can the pope say no?

..........

Noah: *singing* I should've known by the look in your eyes ... and the pants that you were wearing ...

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Me: *looks at the chicken with the lemon up its butt* Oh my god! *dies laughing* It's ... it's ... *points at the 'stem' of the lemon* ... STARING AT YOU!!

Mom: *squeezes lemon over the chicken*

Me: Isn't there something in the Geneva Convention about this?

..........

Me: If we were all slugs in a circle of salt ... Glenn'd be the first to run through it, yelling, "Oh I LOVE SALT!!"

Adam: Then I'd sit there poking Glenn, going, "God, you're an idiot."

Me: I'd escape by climbing over Glenn's body.

Adam: Amanda would be going, "Oh my god. You're not REALLY going to climb over him, are you? You don't know where he's been."

Me: Lindsey and Rick would be freaking out.

Adam: Lindsey'd be runing around the circle, yelling, "The salt never ends! Itneverendsitneverendsitneverends!!"

Me: Jenn would find out that she wasn't really a slug, turn into a butterfly, and take off because HER friends "can fly!" Heather would be sitting in the middle of the circle, saying, "Fuck this I ain't moving till the salt blows away."

..........

Glenn: Kiera's some cute.

Me ( had a sore throat): *ahem*

Glenn: ... you're cute too, Hannah.

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Me: Ok, so Kiera -- hold on, my tongue is stuck in the whisk.

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Mom: Wouldn't this little fat guy be a great garden ornament for Mary?

Kiera: He's got boobs ...

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Kiera: What's the point of going on the plane if I can't play my GameBoy? I should just s tay home. But then you'd be charged with child abandishment.

..........

Mom: *holds up male barbie* I got this just cause he's a hunk of a man. *holds up toy cow* And I got this cause he shits.

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Me: Why do they keep calling him John?

Mom: I think it was Johnathan Albert Einstein.

Me: Einstein ... so that means like 'one mug.' Holy crap we could call him Johnny Onemug!

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(referring to 5 year-old john showing kiera his penis)

Mom: His pee-pee is his pee-pee for a reason.

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Mom: Let's get outta here. Let's blow this joint ... let me find my underwear.

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Noah: I mean even the paralympics! Our handicapped people could KILL their handicapped people!

..........

Noah: And then they say "bring it on!" They lost the game! You can't say "bring it on!" if you lost!

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Mom: Is he walking? Or is he just wiggling his feet?

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Noah: All those old and lonley guys are online now.

Mom: Pulling up their porn files ... microwaving their lasagna ...

Noah: Or corn dogs.

Mom: Eating with one hand, typing with the other.

Noah: Or doing something else with the other.

Mom: Dear God!

Me: Oh, I thought that's what you had insinuated, Mom.

Mom: Both your minds dwell in the same place. And let me tell you something, mold grows there ...

..........

Mom: You know and there's those people who will say, "Oh Americans. They're too patriotic."

Noah: Oh get bent. Get yourself a flag.

..........

Noah: I refosed.

Me: You what?

Noah: I refosed her.

Me: Refused.

Noah: No, it's refosed. It sounds better that way.

..........

Noah: We had to listen to this song 5 times. It was called "Don't Laugh at Me," by some wierd country singer.

Mom: Do you think it was supposed to teach you not to make fun of people?

Noah: Well I KNEW THAT!! I don't need some stupid country singer to tell me ...

..........

Kiera: (talking about a video game) Mom, do you know what Spirits of Chaos and Chaos Weavers are?

Mom: Aren't those children?

..........

Me: *reaches in pocket* Hey look! A $20!

Noah: Ha ha. That's almost funny, but I loathe you.

..........

Kiera: Does the Easter Bunny come in the front door or the chimney?

Me: The front door.

Kiera: Even if you have a chimney?

Me: Right. No chimney for the bunny.

..........

Me: What is this? *hands noah thing i found on beach*

Noah: Well it could be brushed ceramic --

Me: Circa 1810.

Noah: I have no idea what I'm talking about.

..........

Mom: People can be perfectly healthy without eating meat.

Jules: We'd just be following our evolution.

Me: Oh for god's sake. Give him his lecture stick!

..........

(we're watching the others. nicole kidman has a gun and is threatening the dead people.)

Mom: Mummy's going to shoot the dead people! Mummy's going to shoot them dead!

..........

(kiera and i have just listened "The Safety Dance" by Men without Hats on Windows Media Player on the computer.)

Kiera: Can we make them sing it again?

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Noah: (while looking at a male underwear model) Put away the monster!!

..........

Kiera: You're mean!

Me: Well you smell!

Kiera: You smell worser!

Me: I'm not the one who bathes weekly!

..........

Me: ... I'm actually pretty proud of myself for dissing a 6 year-old. 'I'm not the one who bathes weekly' wasn't bad ...

..........