Alone, alone on this bench, the park is still yet always changing and moving. A smack in the face that was what my day was like. There really hasn't been a day when I wanted to fully release myself from life, well until today that is. I'm sitting here staring aimlessly at a squire. I didn't want to go home, that was by no means sanctuary. Its strange how something so public can be a private haven for some. I looked at my watch 10 minutes ago; I was supposed to be home 30 before that. The sun is starting to set, the temperature dropping.

"Hey kid you got any change?"

I jumped at the sound of the man's voice. I had some money but I was debating whether or not to give it to him. My father always said that those people should go get a job. My father never made sense when he went off into his little rants and raves. The homeless guy had walked away. I guess I better go home now. The street is dark, except for some headlights. I heard some car skidding but I'm not going to turn to see what it is. I'm getting second thoughts maybe I should look, maybe they.

* * *

Far tunnel like sounds; I can faintly hear my mothers' voice. She sounded hysterical. I couldn't open my eyes. In fact I can't move my eyes. Empty brain signals, useless commands. This is truly a secure hell. I can hear everything but I can't speak out and tell them that I am okay. Maybe I wasn't okay I don't even remember what happened.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ A change of point of view.

"How did this happen!"

"This was not something we could have stopped of he could have controlled, it was a freak accident."

Mascara as well as my tears dripping, I ponder reasons why Brian didn't come home on time that day. He had left in a huff in that morning; why did it have to be him, why not me? Why my child, why god? My husband put his hand on my shoulder. He hadn't slept for days; he stood like a statue stone- faced and cold. His hand wring my shoulder, I could tell he was on edge. James had always been one not show his emotions and it certain wasn't helping him.


Trapped in a place within myself. I can't move nor can I move to show that I am not dead. I hear a steady beeping of a machine. I'd occupy my time counting until I slipped deeper into whatever I was in. Throughout the day I would hear the voice that I could not respond to , I had once wished for a solitary place inside myself, but now, I believe that term, you know, be careful what you wish for. I hear two voices.


"Do you think he has even a small chance," I said staring at my motionless son.

"Well it's hard to say, his brain is very active."

"What can you do, there has to be something."

"With all do respect Mrs. Jansen I am a doctor not a miracle worker."

"I know, I know. But I am sure you can understand."

"Yes I do, but there is only so much I can do. Just try to hope for the best."

"Okay, I'll start calling all of the family out."

I can't really believe that they had given up. I need to find a way to show them that I am alive, that they shouldn't give up. Some way I would have to find a way to tell them. Still I am getting weaker and weaker my thoughts are slow and my brain commands are few and far between.


"This doesn't look good at all."

"Yeah his heart rate doesn't look good."

"Yes, it's slowly getting slower and slower."

"Are you planning to call Mrs. Jensen?"

"Not until things get really bad."

"Are you sure, he may become out of reach in a few days."

"Yeah I know that I just want his family t hope do the best."

"Oh yeah, that's probably the best."


I should go to the hospital now; I have a bad feeling, and very bad feeling. Walking to my car, I felt some strange need to get there fast.
* * *

"Look doctor, now is the time to call Mrs. Jensen, it's gotten bad."

"Okay I'll call her cell phone."


My cell phone rings. Now I know something has happened.


"Mrs. Jensen you may want to call your husband."

"What why?"

"Your son Brian is losing grip he only has a few days until we have to pull the plug I'm sorry."

My voice crackled and then broke. Nothing would come out. This is my only child, my beautiful son. I feel as if I can't go on. If he dies I won't be able to live at all. I never understood why people would commit suicide, but after something or someone dies that you love you don't have that drive to live anymore. I had to call James and tell him the bad news.


I am slipping deeper and deeper I don't know what is happening. But I don't want to die. Maybe I'm dead and I am rising slowly from my body. Maybe I am dying now. I've lost all of my ability to hear the voices. I should give up like they have. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"He's flat lined!"

"Right, I'll go get back up!"


"James come to the hospital the doctor called he said that it's not good."

"Oh, I'll be right there." I could barely drive my hands were shaking; I know that this wouldn't end well.


"That was all we could do, just turn off the machines and record the time of death."

"God I wished he would have made it."

"Yeah he was so young."


Sometime we wish for thing we know nothing about. Things that if we thought of would really kill us. We wish for true love and it can turn into obsession. We wish for privacy and then we get solitary confinement. We wish to be left alone to ourselves and we might end up like Brian.

Bianca Christian.