Out of the closet into the box

Jason sighed as he flipped through his old middle school year book. He was on almost every page, huddled together with the football team .Threading water at the annual swim meet, on the podium during the debate tournament , in the dunk tank during spirit week. Every where but where he wished to be.

The last picture glued to the last page of the book was the one he cherished most. A picture of him and Erick from Band camp taken by a friend as a prank but soon to mean much more.

He sighed once more as he locked eyes with himself in the picture. He looked a bit frightened and confused. Erick's arm was draped limply across his shoulder his head tilted back with drunken stupor. A small smile played at the corners of his lips as he whispered into Jason's ear. Disgusted ,he stood and threw the book aside remembering the words ,the feeling of Erick's hot breath on his neck. He stood and retrieved the book ,straightened the pages and carefully placed it on the book shelf. Erick was the worst thing that had ever happened to him, as well as the best.

Jason opened his closet door and stared at himself in the full length mirror attached to it . He hated how he looked yet ,there was a certain appeal in the way his waist dipped and his chest flared beneath his breast bone. He smiled sadly as he reached past his reflection and pulled out a shirt. It was more feminine than he had thought when he first looked at it. Long black sleeves flared at the wrists ,the body was tight and clung to his slender form, a small V shaped slit was cut from the material leaving his belly button uncovered. The sight of his pale flesh startled him but for a second. He was so used to being the tanned jockey with sun bleached blond hair ,this new persona frightened him.

He pulled on a pair of extra wide leg raver pants, they were black with glow-in-the-dark pockets and linings. She had brought them for him. The bitch up stairs he referred to her as. In one last effort to 'save' him from his sexuality his mother decided to cut back on her rules and let him do as he want as long as he promised not to be gay any more, as if he had a choice. Running a hand through his limp black hair Jason sighed and stretched. His back was still sore from last nights party. An odd pain raced up his right side as he slumped onto his bed. The remnants of something he did, something he wished he hadn't done. He lay there trying to recount the events of the night before when a horn from the drive drew him back to reality. The horn blared again and Jason quickly pulled himself together. Taking one last glance at himself in the mirror he snatches up his backpack and runs up the stairs and out the front door.

Ravyn's car sat in the drive way in front of his house next to his mothers blue Porsche. She drove a Subaru Baha with large spot lights on top. He smiled as she flashed the lights at him, even in the early morning the lights were bright and he shield his eyes as he walked around to the passenger side.

"What took you so long?"

"Why were you worried ?"

"Nah I just figured if you didn't come out id have to go in after you." She punched him in the arm playfully and sped out of his drive way.

The sound system in her car was amazing ,the car almost bounced to the beat of 'Du Haste' . Several joggers stopped and stared as they skirt the grass along the canal exiting the gated community.

"Come on Jay ,spit it out ! somethin's botherin ya and I want to know what !" Rayven yells over the music

Pacing his answer with the song Jason exhaled the word with as much energy he could muster this early in the morning.

"NEVER!!!" he sang along to the tune in German and then in English as he gazed out the window.

"What's gotten into you Jay?" Rayven waited for the light to change before swinging onto the highway in front of a semitruck. The trucker slammed on breaks just in time to avoid crashing into the back of the SUV as it sped away. Rayven laughed but Jason sat quietly.

"What happened last night."

Rayven turned down the volume on the stereo before answering .

"We went to 502 like always? Why j.what happened?"

"I dunno .I just don't remember much."

"Well I remember ,you were on some strong shit last night that's why I came early.you kno.. incase something happened and ..maybe you couldn't handle it .." she let her voice trail off.

"Well ,that explains why I feel like shit."

"You look it to, you're makeup's all smeared did you even look in a mirror before you left?"

Jason glared at her playfully then turned up the music. 'Buch dich' was just starting and he writhe along with the music as they exited the highway. The school stood on top of the hill in the distance. A false front on the gates of hell.