It'll always hurt

I've heard of people hurting.
I never understood till now.
The pain I've been feeling,
It's nothing compared to emotions this foul.

The many times I've forgiven,
Thinking I would be the stronger one.
Then the many times I'd still are hurting.
Trying to hide under a smile the size of the sun.

I can't stand it now.
The people I loved most have betrayed me.
Used my loving forgiveness, as a way to avoid everything,
And then went back and ignored me.

My soul has weakened.
Each time I forgive, a piece has gone.
I cannot get it back,
And even if I can, the path is long.

I'm not willing to do that to get it back.
But I will keep what I have left.
And how else to do that, but push everyone away?
I'll wear my trust mask, anything to avoid their theft.

I'll smile when I'm crying.
I'll laugh when it hurts.
And when I need to be held,
I'll just shiver within my shirts

But I have a friend now.
He seems to really care.
My heart says to watch out,
But I feel he's really there.

So I'll take my time with him.
I feel I can trust him.
I just hope he's not like the others.
I want to be able to love him.

But no matter what happens it'll always hurt.