Stop Falling

By Oyuki

He looked at her in delight. This girl had everything; she had looks and personality. She was dark, yet innocent. There was an air of danger around her, but when you looked into her brown eyes there was sadness, a hidden something that he could not figure out. A sadness no one had ever felt or known, she kept it all well buried underneath her bad girl facade. He'd been working up the nerve to talk to her for weeks. He'd never spoken to her and none of his friends knew any of her friends. All in all, from what he could see she was a girl of loose morals. She was friendly, honest, charismatic and beautiful, but every time he saw her she left with a different guy. She was a walking contradiction.

He'd been seeing her around the club every weekend for about a month, and still hadn't talked to her. The young man saw her walk away from her friends in the direction of the bathroom. "It's now or never," he whispered to himself taking a shot of tequila and walking towards her. To his bad luck she was already in the bathroom. He decided to wait till she came out.

He waited for about five minutes before she came out. He was at the end of the hallway and she was walking his way. He took a deep breath, leaned against the wall in a relaxed manner and flashed his wickedly gorgeous smile her way for two seconds.

She smiled back and slowed her walk. With her hips swinging she walked ahead of him. Turning around she motioned for him to follow her. He walked behind her for a few seconds before she stopped and sat down at an empty table. He did the same and looked at her, she was smiling at him. "So?" she asked. "C'mon! You didn't go through all the trouble of following me to the bathroom for nothing did you?" she asked pointedly.

"You noticed," he stated. She wrinkled her nose and nodded. "I'm Nicholas Milan," he said and stuck out his hand for her to shake. 

"I'm Kallista Heart. So, Nicholas, is there anything in particular that you wanted to talk to me about?"

Heat rushed up to his cheeks staining them pink. He smiled again, flashing his perfectly straight, perfectly white teeth. "I..." he grimaced. "I guess there isn't a way to say this without me sounding like a stalker. I've watched you for a while here and I just thought you..." his voice faded. "I sound like an idiot, I'm sorry but you make me nervous," he confessed.

She laughed, her slanted brown eyes twinkled. "Well, let me just tell you that I won't bite your head off. And that I was going to talk to you if you hadn't made the first move. I've seen you a few times here too," she admitted.

Nicholas let out a sigh. "And here I've been thinking of a million ways I could talk to you!" he said with a frown.

"So, Nicholas, you wanna dance or you wanna get out of here?" she asked bluntly.

"I--uh--I," he stuttered.

She laughed, a rich hearty laugh. "I don't sleep with every guy I leave here with, Nicholas, so if you're worried about us having a one night stand, don't. I'm not gonna force you into anything," she said with a smile.

He looked at her with pleading eyes. "It's-- it's not that, Kallista. It's just, well you make me really nervous-- Not that I do want to have a one night stand, but-- aw hell! You confuse the hell outta me!"

She leaned across the table, showing off more cleavage that was necessary, and kissed his lips lightly. "There's nothing to be nervous about, baby. C'mon," she said. "Let's go dance." She grasped his hand and pulled him out of his chair.

*~*~*~*

Nicholas was spending the night at Kallista's apartment. It was about the fourth time he did this. They usually went to his apartment. It surprised him how closed up she was. She never wanted to talk about herself. They always talked about him or anything else. She refused to open up to him even after six weeks of knowing each other.

His eyes shifted to where she was standing, leaning on the kitchen counter talking on the phone.

She hung up and walked over to the couch where he was sitting. She sighed and let herself fall onto the couch next to him. "That was Jack He wanted to know if I wanted to hang out with him and a bunch of his friends at the club tonight," she explained.

"Oh. What did you say?" he asked slowly.

"I said I'd think about it. I don't really feel like going out tonight." They sat there in silence for five minutes. Nicholas looked at her, but she seemed to be far away.

"Nicholas, I think it's time you and I had a talk," she said without turning to look at him.

"Okay," he said, sounding unsure of himself.

"Nicholas, I know that I've given you the impression that there is more between us then there actually is, and I'm sorry."

"What?" he asked incredulously.

Kallista took both of his hands in hers and said, "Nicholas you're probably the longest relationship I've had in years. I can't do this! I don't this!"

"What do you mean you don't do this?" he said excitedly. "What is this?"

Kallista's eyes pleaded with him. "Nicholas, I don't have relationships. I don't have boyfriends." She shrugged her shoulders and said, "I don't want to be someone's girlfriend."

Nicholas just looked at her with a stunned look on his face. Was she crazy? What the hell was she talking about? "What do you mean?" he asked

"I never promised you anything, Nicholas. I never... I don't want your love Nicholas! I don't want to love you! I only want to make you feel good, I just want to feel good!" she said with tears in her eyes. This was difficult for her to say. She had never admitted this to anyone. But then no one had ever asked her why she did this.

"This is bullshit, Kallista!" he exclaimed.

"Listen to me, Nicholas, I've had a lot of boyfriends and I know what I want. And I know I don't want what you're offering me! I don't want love and I don't want to be loved. Please understand!" she yelled.

Nicholas was heartbroken. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. She didn't want him. She didn't want what he was offering. "What made you like this, Kallista? Why don't you want to be loved?" he asked as he prepared to leave.

Kallista shook her head. "I've done this before Nicholas. I've been through this many times before," she paused for a minute and looked pensive. "I don't want my heart to be broken."

"So you break people's hearts before they break yours?" he asked incredulously. "Why are you so scared of someone loving you? Why are you scared to love someone, Kallista?"

She looked at him with a blank stare. Almost as if she didn't know what he was talking about. "Why can't you just take my word for it? Why can't you just leave?" she said under her breath. "Why can't you understand?" she finally said aloud.

"Because I don't know what I need to understand!" he yelled. He sighed. "Have you ever loved someone, Kallista? Do you know how it feels to have someone tell you that she doesn't love you? That she doesn't want to love you? It feels like you just ripped my heart out from my chest and stepped on it, Kallista! Do you have any idea how that feels?" he asked angrily. Tears shimmering in his green eyes.

Kallista turned her gaze to the floor. She couldn't look at him. "This is why I have to end it, Nicholas. We're getting too attached to each other and that's not what I want," she said quietly. "I'm sorry. I really am, Nicholas. I never meant to hurt you and I never meant for it to go on for so long, but you just, you made me feel good. But it's gotta stop. I've got to stop this before you get in too deep."

"So that's it? That's your reason for breaking up with me? What's wrong with you, Kallista?" he asked quietly. It was hard to keep one's composure when your heart has just been crushed but the woman you love.

"Nothing is wrong with me, Nicholas!" she yelled at him. Her eyes flashing anger and sadness at the same time. "I just don't want this," she said pointing to the both of them. "I don't want an "us" yet. That's not what I'm looking for, it's not what I need."

Nicholas ran a hand through his dark hair in exasperation. "And what about me? What am I supposed to do now, Kallista? What about my feelings for you?" he asked pathetically. There wasn't any point in trying to hide how he felt now. She wasn't going to change her mind and all he could do now was try to understand why she was doing this.

"Throw them away, Nicholas because I don't want them," she said. "Please leave now, Nicholas. I think we've talked enough about this."

Nicholas walked to the door, opened it quietly and left.

"I'm sorry," she said to the empty room. "I'm sorry. Please understand, Nicholas."

The End

Revised April 20, 2004

Author's Notes: I finally got around to fixing this! Anyway, this version here doesn't have the lyrics of the song that inspired this story. It's actually a very nice, very sad song. It's called "Stop Falling" and it is performed by Pink. The version that does contain the lyrics you can find on my site. I actually think that it's better with the lyrics because it gives you a better idea of Kallista's personality. Anyway, I think the stuff I changed and rewrote make the story better than it was before. I hope you guys enjoy!