Author's Notes: This is told from the point of view of someone who's had a rough life in our present time. It's not a real person, just someone I dreamed up. If they resemble anyone past or present, then it's purely coincidental and I didn't mean for that to happen.

*~Happy Days~*

They say childhood is the happiest time of your life.

What if it's not?

If it's the happiest, does that mean the rest of your days will be worse?

If that is the case, my decision is made.

Growing up, my house was in a rowdy neighbourhood. I had a mum, a dad and a brother who was two years my senior. We weren't particularly wealthy but when my mum started working as well, things got a bit better and money wasn't such a struggle but we still had to watch what we spent. Those days would have been the time I spent under the watchful eye of my brother.

That would have been when I was 8. My brother, Ty, was particularly mature for his age and my parents trusted him to look after me for the few hours where both our parents were at work. Mum worked during the day and dad worked day and night, returning only to change clothes, sleep and have breakfast, before he goes back out again to keep our family afloat. There would be a few hours after school where there would be no one at home and Ty would have to make sure I don't do anything stupid. It was like some sort of crusade for him that I've never fully understood. The closest I've come to explaining it is with the word 'obsession' but that seems too strong.

On a school day, we'd all wake up at 7:00 and battle for the bathroom. After an hour, we would all have somehow gotten our share of the hot water and mum would miraculously conjure up our breakfast, ready for us to come flying down the narrow staircase. The local primary and secondary schools were practically next door neighbours, so even when Ty had moved on in his education, we were able to walk to and from school together. We got on pretty well, better than how the other kids seemed to get on with their respective siblings.

School was pretty much a normal affair. We didn't attend any flash school or one that was particularly renowned. It was pretty much average, with average kids, average schooling and average equipment. I suppose my life was a little easier than some. For instance, Ty's popularity amongst the other kids ensured I was never bullied. The school was in the local community, so friendship wasn't a hard thing to come by. My best friends lived within ten minutes walking distance, so we hung out quite a lot.

Thinking about it, I had a happy childhood. But that all changed when I went into secondary school. I desperately wanted to go to the same school as Ty, but school advised my parents to put my name down for the school for the 'accomplished' child. This was nowhere near my home, so I had to go on a bus. This meant I had to start afresh. My primary school friends went to the same school as my brother, whilst I went to a completely new environment. Of course, we all promised to keep in contact. Why wouldn't we? We all lived around the same area.

Ty wasn't exactly academically sound, so when school wrote a letter to recommend enrolling me into the 'better' school, they jumped at the chance of giving me a better start in life. They wanted me to succeed and I suppose that I can't really blame them for wanting the best for me. Sometimes, what's best for you isn't what you want. I began to think that I'd change my mind once I settled into this new school.

I got accepted into this new school and as the new school year neared, I got pretty excited. Sure, I wasn't too happy about leaving all my friends, but we would see each other in weekends, after school and holidays. After all, we did promise. Starting school was a nervous and apprehensive time. It seemed that pretty much all of the kids were from well-off backgrounds, or at least they were financially comfortable. I was instantly spotted as the odd one out and without the backing of Ty's popularity, I was singled out with little, if any, friends.

I was never one to give in easily and I always out up a brave face to my family and primary school friends. My grades were always decent, hardly ever dipping below the C grade and my parents were proud. Although Ty didn't match my academic success, he was never jealous, since he excelled in other areas of life. Of course, Ty noticed how I hardly ever talked about kids in school but he had the tact to not bring it up. Although I lacked friends in school, I did remain friends with some of the ones from my previous school. It has to be said that as time went on, the numbers of them dwindled but that did leave me with the best of my best friends. Any friendship becomes apparent when tested with time.

As the years went by in school, my lack of popularity was glaringly obvious in school and other kids picked on me for this. It wasn't as though I was a leper or had some physical deformity, it was just because my lack of friends meant I didn't have many people running to my defence and bullies seized this opportunity to make my life hell. I never told anybody, not even Ty. The first few times this happened, I thought that it would be something that would go away if I ignored it. But the more I ignored it, the more they did it, thinking that I didn't mind or that they'd get through my barrier at some point. It turned into some kind of game - let's see who's the first to make her break down.

This 'game' made it less likely for anybody to befriend me - who would want to be friends with someone who was the pit of everyone's jokes? Having said this about friendship within the school, it makes it pretty obvious that relationships would be far less likely. The only proposals for dates were from the guy friends I had from primary school but they were my friends, not date material. I wasn't bad-looking - Ty's friends remarked that I was decent looking but being Ty's sister, they knew how defensive over me he was, so they would never dare approach me for a date. Having said that, I would never date his friends because that would be so weird.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

By the time my GCSEs rolled around, I was psychologically damaged but my sense of pride wouldn't allow me to break down. I took the exams with everyone having high hopes for me. Ty was taking his A-levels and our parents showered him with attention, wanted him to achieve as high a standard as he could manage. I didn't mind them doing this because then I would be left to study and not be disturbed. I saw achievement as something I could use to throw back at the bullies - something to say "Hey! Even with all this hassle, I can still do better than you idiots!"

The exams finished and both Ty and I were in for a long summer. We spent many hours simply sat in front of the television and making mindless conversation. Some days, we would go and hang out with our respective friends. Ty often invited his back and I'd get on well with them. They saw me as 'one of the guys', since I was a bit of a tom-boy and they had known me for such a long time. How I wished that summer would never end. It must have been one of the best times of my life. Never underestimate how good the time spent lazing around and simply spending time with people you like can be so important. If someone told me I could live that summer over and over again till the day I died, I would have agreed straight away and given them anything in exchange. Even my soul.

As august approached, tensions ran high around the house with Ty's and my day of judgement approached. Ty's results came out the week before mine, so we all eagerly anticipated his. Typically, Ty woke up pretty late. Trust my brother to totally forget the most important date of his life so far and over sleep. Ty's not exactly dopey, but he has times when you have to wonder if his mind's totally there. As I waited at home and our parents went to work, Ty went to his school to see how he'd done. The minutes crawled by and finally, Ty returned. He'd gotten BCC for economics, geography and art. We were all happy for him.

Ty didn't want to continue education - mum and dad pushed him into doing A-levels on the condition that he'd be able to choose whether or not he'd go onto university. He wanted to wait until term started, so all those working through the summer would vacate their jobs and he'd be able to seek a job then. A week later, it was my turn and sleep didn't come easily to me but I still managed to wake up in the early hours. Ty waited at home and out parents went off to work. I went to school early, so that I'd hopefully avoid the kids that tormented me. When I got there, it was practically empty. I grabbed my results and ran back out to the bus stop. I returned in the nick of time - the bus came hurtling around the corner just as I got to the stop. I jumped on and stared at this one sheet of paper that'll mean so much to me.

I continued to stare at it when I got off the bus. Still having it clenched in my fist, I walked back to my house, as if in a trance. When I opened the door, Ty jumped out at me and instantly asked how I'd done. He was like that - always more concerned about other people than himself. He looked down and saw that the paper remained stapled shut. He asked why I hadn't opened it and I truly didn't know the answer myself. I guess I was scared that all my hard work hadn't paid off.

Without waiting for an answer, he grabbed the sheet and turned his back to me. I hated it when he did this. Keeping his back to me with his arms outstretched, he released the page from the staples and scanned my results. I still remember his words, "Shit, sis!" That's my brother - the man of little words. Fearing the worst, I finally managed to recover the sheet and saw that I had five A's and five *'s. It was far better than I'd anticipated and you can imagine my delight. Ty gave me a hug, lifting me off my feet and spun me round and round. No words could describe the happiness I felt right then. When my parents heard the news, they were really happy and to celebrate both our successes, they got a computer for the two of us. Our parents wouldn't have the time to use or learn how to use it, so it would solely be for Ty and me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

With my good grades, I was able to continue my education in the same school and I signed up to do biology, history and religious studies. Some new kids joined the school and I found one of them attaching themselves to me. However, within the week, the kids who's sole purpose in life was to make my life hell came and drove her away. Once again, I was alone. The only flexibility I now enjoyed was that I had gaps in my timetable, which allowed me the chance to leave the school site. Thankfully, the majority of them were at the end or beginning of school, so I was able to spend as little time there as possible.

Perhaps the worst day of my life came when Christmas arrived. Christmas is a time when families come together and spend quality time together. I suppose this is kind of what happened, if you missed out the quality time part. On Christmas day, when we were about to sit down for the whole turkey deal, the door bell rang. Ty was first to his feet and went to open it. Standing there was a woman who was heavily pregnant and holding the hand of a three-year-old. Although puzzled, Ty asked for who she was looking for and she asked for dad. He came to the door and all the colour drained from his face. Curious, mum went to see what the matter was. I remained by the table but listened intently.

This woman started raving on about how my dad's been having an affair with her for the past five years and how the child she was holding and the one in her womb were both genetically my father's. My mother became irate. Wouldn't you? She called the woman a liar and sent her on her way. The woman simply sneered and stepped into the hallway, refusing to go anywhere. Ty and I stood rooted to the spot, our eyes flicking from one adult to another. Mum didn't see what she could do with the woman, so she turned on my father, demanding answers. My dad's never one hold a lie for long when being asked a direct question.

He quickly revealed how he'd started seeing this woman after he'd grown tired of not receiving enough 'attention' at home. Mum didn't take this too well and punched him. Ty and I had never seen our mum lose her temper like that, she'd always been the picture of serenity. I know i5t sounds cliché, but it all happened so fast. One second, this unknown woman was on our doorstep and the next, dad was out the door with a suitcase of clothes and mum sat on her bed in tears. Ty and I had no idea what to do, since we've never been in this situation. All we could do was go to her and give her a hug.

Mum remained in this state for almost a week. For the first time in my memory, she actually called in sick. Dad called a few days after he left but mum refused to take his calls. A few days short of the start of term, mum took a call from dad and when term started, the divorce papers arrived. Before they came, I always thought my parents would patch it all up and we would live like nothing had ever happened. From the point mum signed those papers, our lives changed forever.

Mum was always a strong person and didn't want any help from dad. She refused to have any contact with him and even declined any financial aid he offered. Mum became worried about child custody, since I was a year short of being eighteen. Ty was legally an adult, so there was no problem where he was concerned. Mum needn't have worried, though. I suppose it was his way of trying to apologise but letting her have custody of me would be the least he could do. Without dad's share of the income, we had to rely on mum and Ty. Once again, funds were tight and if I was to go to university, money was going to be stretched even more. I was torn between continuing my education and stopping at the end of A-levels to get a job to release some of the financial burden. Mum must have sensed my worry and she reassured me that she'd do everything she can to ensure I went to university and stayed there. With mum's hopes of me actually making something of my life, there was a new burden upon me and even more pressure to do well.

School continued at its torturous pace and I continued to maintain my grades, much to the annoyance of those who plagued me. These constant jibes and attacks on me must have changed me over the years. Because it was happening to me, I didn't really notice. But now that I think about it, I remember how I was much more out-going and active. Now, I am much more of a recluse and strive to hide in the shadows, rather than try and step into the light of existence.

Finally, it was time for the exams. My exams were packed into the space of two weeks. Trust my luck. Those two weeks would shape the next few years of my life. It's funny how each set of exams are the most important in your life. If you completely screw up, you're lost and you have no idea what life has in store for you. It's like some kind of Pandora's Box. Screw up and you open the box to see what kind of hell awaits you. Well, I'm sure that's not what happens, but my pessimist mind is working over-time right now.

Dad tried to keep in contact. He'd call and see how we're keeping up. It's strange - although I hated him for causing mum so much pain, I couldn't hate him purely because at the end of the day, he is my dad. Life's strange. No matter how you think you'd react at some scenario, you probably won't do that at all. For instance, when asked what you'd do if you were attacked, you would probably say that you would fight back and scream for help. When this actually happens, you're more likely to stand there in shocked silence. As time went by, dad's calls became scarce and soon, they stopped altogether. Perhaps ignoring our existence was easier on his conscience. Whatever he thought, I never knew.

Anyway, I'll try and keep on track. Six weeks before I was to sit my exams, I was revising hard. Biology, history and religious studies are subjects with masses of information and trying to cram it all into your brain is nothing short of impossible. I spent so many hours trying to memorise the renal functions one day and the next learning Mussolini's part in the war. While that was floating around my brain, my mind wandered to the financial situation in my family. It was something I thought we had gotten over but with dad's departure, those problems reared their ugly head and taunted us once more.

The pressures of doing well, financial burdens, constant put-downs and psychological damage that I had to endure took their toll.

I suppose that's what brought me here.

I told them I came out for a walk, just to clear my head.

My legs took me on a bus and then onto this bridge.

I never learnt how to swim and I've always been terrified of heights.

Those flaws in me shall now be my friend.

I think about my life as the only things holding me back from falling are my hands, gripping the railings.

If I let go, all my problems would vanish.

Just one simple action… simple…

Author's Notes: It hasn't ended yet! Don't panic - I didn't intend to stop there, letting you guess whether or not she went through with it! Please be patient about this cos I'm working on another story at the same time! Whether you liked it or not, please review! C'mon, you've made it this far, why not click on the button in the left corner, write some kind of review, even if it is a flame, and then click on the submit button? Please?!