An: This is based on the journal of a close friend of mine. Names have been changed to protect the innocence, guilty, and freaky.
Halfway to Epiphany

Part one
11:00 a.m. Tuesday, January 7, 2003

Mum is downstairs, yelling at me to wake up. Well, I am awake. Sure, I'm in bed, but I am awake.

La.

I feel sick and hateful, not being able to take a shower. I love showers! I have been doing the sponge bath thing for the past three days while our water's been faked up. Luckily, since I spent the weekend at Aileen's, got to take a shower. Three, in fact!!!

Oh mi goddess. That girl is exhausting. And VERY loud. But that's okay, because she is SO easy! For my little one strap black bag, I got a shirt, tons of makeup, bracelets, three books, LotR bookmarks, gel pens, and a blue bag that's-okay, well, BLUE, but still, really cute.

Egh. School starts back up tomorrow. No matter. I know I'm going to fail science, Language arts (because of that magazine project), and possibly even history. It's totally unfair.

The first month of school, at I.M.S, everyone was getting everything situated. The second month was okay. Then, I moved. I only spent a month at the next school, in which I received the first report card with straight A's. the first week, I was getting settled in. The second week, fall break. The third week, I was expected to have done a project started in August??? WHATEVER. And in the last week. well, okay. Only a month, and only one thing needed for grading. Something I hadn't done.

And now, here.

I hate it here. Goddess, I swear! This place is so triggering. I haven't cut myself in so long, and now I--- I'm scared.

Is this sick or what???? 8:05 a.m. January 8, 2003

I HATE this school. I really do. I was hoping, just maybe, you know? But, bleh!!! The people here- everything is fucked up! I wish I could go home.

Ha.

Home.

I was on a total head rush this morning. Cutting does that to me. I was really-

I'd been planning it. I just needed some release, some escape. I was able to use my nail scissors. Just slice. They were little, and didn't really bleed. And that's okay for now.

"For now." Egh. I can't do it again! I mean, goddess! I wasn't to. But, it just- wow. It was so- wow.

And it's scary. This time it's in total secrecy. No one knows. Some people knew I had been doing it, when I had been before. Goddess, chill out, Vora! It was only two cuts. No biggie.

8:24 a.m. January 8, 2003

I am really upset with Justin. How much fucking nerve can a guy have?

Emailed: "Vora, I'm worried about you. You don't have to be skinny! Remember, skinny is ugly! And I will kill your god and devil if they hurt my Vora bear. This is my oath and promise, me before you."

Okay, so he's worried. Great. But wtFh?? He's in KENTUCKY. Yet he's still assuming and twisting and judging and diagnosing.