Author's Note: Here's another epilogue I was considering, in addition to or instead of the first. Tell me what you think!
Hello and welcome to The Convict's Court with Eve Dipclot, anchorwoman, and Robert Schnitzki, a recent addition as reporter, after spending eighteen months in jail. Today we have with us a Mr. Vito-- what is your last name, sir?
Don't give out my last name.
Eve paused. So, Mr. Vito, what do you think of your recent wrestling fame?
And your wrestling name, The Swinger. Is this in reference to anything in particular?
That's for me ta know.
Thank you, Mr. Vito, you've been most forthcoming.
Ah, Misters Kermit and Witter. Nice to have you on the show!
Good to be here, Ms. Dipclot.
I hear you two have become quite the sensation in Hollywood. Do you have anything to say, Mr. Witter?
Natural acting talent I guess. Once we quit the force, you know... it surfaced. He scribbled something on his pad.
And Mr. Kermit, to what do you attribute your success?
Dumb luck, said Kermit.
said Eve, That's all we have time for today. Tune in tomorrow, September 12, 2008, for more news!
Today we have with us Mr. and Mrs. DiBarcero, here to talk about their lucrative and illegal business, Making a Killing. You two own a hitman-- excuse me-- hitperson company?
Yeah, we kill anyone you want, politicians, crooked businessmen, uncooperative bureaucrats, everythin'.
My, that sounds exciting. Who will be representing you at your trial? You are up on trial for killing a Mr. John Green? Former employee of News Media, may I add. Our competitor. Eve gave a big wink.
Oh, we've got Jack Von Weinerstein representing us.
Oh, yes, he's very good, said Eve.
Well, well. Today we have with us Mr. Von Weinerstein, my own ex-husband. Eve winked. What do you have to say for yourself, Jack?
It's good to be here, Eve, Jack said. He smiled at her. They still shared the occasional conjugal visit, though they had decided marriage just wasn't working for them. As you know, I recently won the case against the Supreme Court and Von Weinerstein Health Enterprises, Inc., to legalize white sugar. Making meringues is now officially legal! There was some applause from the audience.
said Eve, How do you feel about having sued your own father's company?
He's disowned me.
That's too bad. But you're a millionaire in your own right, aren't you?
Yes, I have been fairly successful. Made a lot of money defending your own Robert Schnitzki in the Paul Roberts murder attempt trial. He did get eighteen months, but it could have been life, so I count myself worthy of the million and a half he ended up paying me.
Half of which I won back in the divorce settlement! There was laughter in the studio.
And I hear you're currently working on the DiBarceros versus the John Green estate case?
Yes I am, Eve, Jack replied.
Good luck on that.
And today we have with us two very special guests. We're on location in an undisclosed place, and this is an EXCLUSIVE interview with the prominent Twinkie bootleggers in the Northeastern area. Say hello to Paul and Sarah Anne Roberts! There was cheering.
Paul called back, echoed by Sarah Anne. We're glad to be giving you this interview. We really feel we have a statement to make regarding the-- he paused and looked at Sarah Anne.
Regarding the legality of Twinkies, Sarah Anne finished for him.
Right. We believe people should have the right to choose whether or not to ingest something, whether it's harmful or, as we believe, totally benign. Did I say that right? he asked.
Yes, it was great, Sarah Anne whispered.
And I hear you two are married? Paul nodded, squeezing Sarah Anne's hand. Eve said. And you're both wanted by the police?
Yes, for violating bail, evading justice and still that holdup of News Media two years ago, Sarah Anne said.
Two years and a half, said Paul.
said Eve, Just so the viewers know how incredibly privileged they are to be witnessing this interview.
Oh, yeah, the viewers! Paul exclaimed. I just want to get the message out that we CAN do this! We can make Twinkies legal again!
said Sarah Anne.
Well, thank you both, said Eve, and thanks to everyone out there for watching. That will be all for today!