Hey. I'm back. I thought of this oh so funny (I hope!) plot, while watching Rurouni Kenshin. Very odd, but anime inspires me!!! Ok, on with the first (hopefully good) chapter.
Chapter 1
Damn. Damn. Damn.

Top three reasons my life sucks, probably adding more lately.

3- I am the eldest. Most people think the middle children have all the problems. Please. The middle kids are such whiney Babies starving for attention it's sad. Everyone who is anyone knows the eldest have it hardest. I am always stuck doing all the hard extra boring chores and I'm always stuck on baby-sitting duty when my parents go out "on the town."

2- I have no boyfriend. I can see why no guy would want to go out with me though, since on almost every date I have to drag one of my three younger siblings along. How embarrassing is it to be making out in the middle of a movie, only to have your ever so annoying little brother pop and say "I want popcorn." Speaking of little brothers.

The number one reason my life sucks!

1- my youngest brother (three) has decided to use my new bright pink underwear as the flag for his fort. The flag is on top of the tallest "tower." The fort is in our front yard. And the extremely hot college boys living across the street have just decided it's time to play football with a dozen of their equally hot friends in their front yard.

Kill me now.



"Oh mom. Don't have such a cow." I say.

My mother is being so over dramatic. Just because I 'accidentally' destroyed the fort (fort my ass, it was nothing but a few wood planks with tarps stapled on them) while desperately trying to reach the flag pole in which my hot pink underwear was being revealed to the whole world, all the while hot college guys were watching.

"It took your brother a long time to build that! He worked so hard on it. You didn't have to destroy it! You could've calmly gotten your underwear like a mature woman." She shouted.

Yeah right. I know very well if they had used her underwear she would've burned their fort, hopefully with them in it.

When I tell her this, she gets even madder.

As it turns out it wasn't my baby brother Brandon's idea. Big surprise the kid is only three and can't even figure out how a sippy cup works. It was an idea conceived by my two elder younger brothers, god's punishment to me at the ages of eight and eleven.

Tom and Joseph, both must die.

Joseph, being the brains as usual, was deciding to get even with me after I accidentally unplugged the phone line on him when he was talking to his first girlfriend ever. Jeez. It was just an accident. I was the real injured party anyway. I was walking along minding my own business when I trip over the phone line, and splashed hot soup all over myself. I apologized but Joseph is so stubborn sometimes.

I will get even with him though. Because I'm very smart. I am the smartest fifteen year old in the world!!!!


While I've been daydreaming about my revenge against my brothers my mother has been raving at me. I haven't even heard a word she said.

"OK?" she finishes off with.

Well since 'OK' is all I've heard I say "OK mom."

Hmm. Wonder what I agreed to.



Must breathe. Must breathe.


I have unknowingly agreed to GO TO BOOT CAMP!!!!!!!!



I'm not going.


No way.

Not this chick.

It's not that I mind camping; in fact I think it's pretty ok as long as no bugs get near me. It's the getting up early that bothers me.

Getting up early.

That term is something unknown to my mind.

You can ask anyone of my friends. They'll say "Laurie? Get up early?" then they will be sent into a fit of laughing that will last for forever.

I told my mother if she made me go to boot camp I would lock my self to my bed. My extremely heavy black rod iron bed. She laughed at me.

I'll show her.


Shit. Shit. Shit.

I have successfully locked myself to my bed; in the handcuffs one of my best friends gave me as a joke, with "Got Bondage?" engraved in them.

Soooooo. I'm just sitting here waiting for my mother or father to walk in, and then discover me.


Still waiting.


"Row, row, row your boat."


All right damnit. Time to take matters into my own hands.


I wait until I hear the footsteps of my mother near the door, then I mold my face into a look of cool indifference, even though on the inside I want to kill something. But I can't since my hands are stuck in my bondage cuffs.

My mother takes one look at me and laughs. Why is it that no matter what I do my mother laughs at me? And when I finally do something funny she thinks it's immature.

Damn her.

Oh God.

She has a camera.

Thinking I wouldn't be seen by anyone but my mother I look anything but nice. My hair is tangled and sticking out everywhere. I'm wearing boxers but my legs aren't shaved, and my big Joe's Crab Shack tee shirt with stains on it. Plus I'm handcuffed to my bed.

And she has pictures.

"Mother!" I wail. "Don't you see the importance of my protest? I don't want to go to boot camp!"

My loving mother stop laughing for a minute and blinks at me.

"Boot camp?" she repeats slowly like she doesn't understand. Then again she probably doesn't. "Oh! You idiot (I'm so loved) I wasn't really sending you to boot camp. I was just saying that to worry you."

This is how my mother gets her kicks.

"So you're not sending me to boot camp?" I ask, still suspicious.


"Good. Now give me that key over there." I gesture with my chin toward my small nightstand that she's standing by.

She looks down then says in an annoyingly air headed voice. "What key?"

Oh My Lord.


"Mother! It's not that difficult. Just call the damn locksmith!!!!!!"

"Don't you say that word young lady!!" she screams at me. "Or you'll be in big trouble!"

"I'm HANDCUFFED to my BED! Nothing you could do to me right now would matter! And I'll say it all I want! Damn! Damn! Damn!"

"This is the thanks I get for trying to help you!" she sniffs.

Suddenly she looks happy.

"Mother?" I ask, slightly afraid.

"I have an idea. Back in a minute." She says quickly.

Uh-oh. When my mother has ideas (doesn't occur often) they're usually no good. It was then I realized what my mother was wearing. She had gone who knows where in her workout outfit. Her sports bra and tight sweat pants outfit. She's an old woman!!!! She doesn't need to be wearing that!!!!! Especially OUTSIDE!!!!!!!!

Uh-oh I hear her coming back. Well she didn't go far. I don't know if that's good or not. Well let's see the poor sucker she conned into helping me.

"Honey, I found someone to help us with your crisis!" she cries happily as she opens the door, like she's discovered someone who could clone Michael Jackson (erlack. Who would want to!)

It is only then I see who the 'sucker' is.

Oh My God.



It's official.

I'm going to cry.

Guess who she got to 'help' me?

The two college guys next door!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She said she'd heard a chainsaw like sound from their garage and figured they had something that could help.

Turns out the chainsaw like noise was they're motorcycle (which they shared) and they had nothing at all that could help me.

But they didn't believe my mother when she told them what happened, so they decided to come and check it out themselves. I am turning so red, my mother so kindly yelled out after taking another picture.

The two college boys (named Benji and Mark. Oh God they are so GORGEOUS!) Tried to help me anyway.

Mark suggested me could break them with a crowbar, but I blurted out before I could stop myself, "No! You can't break these! They're my special bondage cuffs from Trisha!"


Mark and Benji looked at me, then looked at each other, then burst out laughing. My mother was laughing so hard she left the room.

Suddenly Benji said, "hey! Isn't the flag of that cool fort your brothers made?"

He lifted up my underwear from the table, and the key fell onto the floor.

Apparently Mark and Benji were to far away to realize the 'flag' wasn't really a flag. But now they were up close.

"Ah!" Benji cried and dropped my undies. "Sorry." He said laughing nervously.

"Sorry about your, um predicament." Mark laughed as he started to leave.

"Wait!" I wailed. "The key's right there!" I pointed to the key with my toe.

"Oh." Mark said. He picked up the key and unlocked me.

He and Benji were leaving my room when Benji turned around and said, "by the way. Nice undies." And with a wink they were both gone.

I ran over to my under wear and lifted them up.


I had forgotten my undies had a little Mermaid logo on them.

Hehe. This is fun to write. Ok well I'll try to update fairly soon. Please review. I love reviews! I'll give you a kudo if you do! -Mandy